Best QUENTIN TARANTINO headline ever.


Netflix continues domination of our brains; colonized 2.33 million new US humans in Q4.


Well, I suppose I don’t have to sweat not getting more House of Cards after season two due to Netflix failure. I mean, maybe Kevin Spacey and I elope and he gives up show business. Maybe. But that’s a horse of a different color. All I know is that it won’t be because Flix can’t afford it. Those fuckers ensnared another 2+ million brains in Q4 of 2013.

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AP: JUSTICE DEPARTMENT spied on REPORTER’S PHONE CALLS. We’re not surprised, right?

Obey! Big Brother!

The largest bummer about these kind of news stories isn’t that our government is routinely wiping their bum-bum with what we consider to be our rights. The largest bummer is that we usually read this stories aghast, and then go back about watching reality shows and eating cheesy products. Myself included.

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Monday Morning Commute: Coping Mechanisms and Caffeine Kicks

Motherfuckin' coping mechanisms.

…and a good day to you too, folks. For those of you here in the Empire, I hope your long weekend was rather enjoyable. Me? Oh, I had myself a blast. Took one off the chin in the world of sporting events (hint), but what the fuck can you do. This weekend also saw the frozen ice guys back on the prowl, with Rendar and myself enjoying a jaunt to the ice chest today ourselves. Local team won, we ate something like ninety-three hot dogs. By the end of the day I was able to smile again, thanks to a little salve on the nips. This is Monday Morning Commute, a column which a list of coping mechanisms we use to get ourselves through the doldrums. Coping mechanisms (video games) for when coping mechanisms (sports teams) fail. System redundancies.

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‘OBLIVION TRAILER: Tom Cruise, science fiction, and maybe even a plot.

I wasn’t going to check out the trailer for Oblivion, but our own Eddie Not A Planet told me it held gorgeous visuals deep, deep, deep within its guts. So I did! How about that shit? After viewing it, I got a bit of a science fiction chubby for it. I’ll cop to that, and fuck that is without any clue as to what the movie is about. If there was a discernible plot, I may even be tugging nuggets all over my keyboard to the trailer. Picture that!

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‘COMMUNITY’ Season Four Trailer: Metacommentary, Annie’s Boobs, and more.

Community should have premiered tonight. It didn’t. Despite proclaiming that October 19th was going to be the jammy-jam release of the fourth season, NBC recently nixed that idea. Don’t despair! Or, okay, despair. But take with your weepy-eyed dumb faces this trailer for the fourth season. It’s a delicious helping of Alison Brie, Troy and Abed, and thinly cloaked shots at NBC. What isn’t to love?

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‘SMASHED’ Theatrical Trailer: Ramona Flowers and Jesse Pinkman go Breaking Hearts.

Terrible puns aside, I’m really looking forward to this flick. It’s all like, indie emotional and it has pretty actors and actresses that I enjoy looking at and rooting for and such.

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Rumor: ‘PLAYSTATION ALL-STARS’ characters and stages LEAK like woah.

When it leaks…it pours? Here’s an armada of leaked images and information regarding PlayStation Smashes People But Not Brothers. All of this was ripped from the private beta version of the game.

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‘THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY Gets Split Into Two Flicks. Should Be One Flick, Thrown Into Garbage.

I joke about The Hunger Games. Tease it a little. Despite this, I think it’s a solid young adult book. Mockingjay isn’t. It’s a turd sandwich, and they are fashioning it into two flicks. Either this is going to allow the movie to breath in ways the final book didn’t, or its going to be four hours of barely-mediocrity.

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