2016 Oscar Nominations; A Lovely Day for ‘Mad Max’, ‘The Revenant’

Fury Road.

Here are your 2016 Oscar Nominations, featuring a good amount of love being thrown towards my movie of 2016, Mad Max. What do you think of the list? Truthfully, I don’t really give a fuck about award shows. Famous people masturbating other famous people for doing famous things. But they’re like reviews: if they support my own feelings, I love the nominations. If they don’t — fuck em’, they’re bullshit anyways! Still though — no Coogler? No Michael B. Jordan? No Theron? Bummer.

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Monday Morning Commute: Beasts & Smilers

The President can help!

This is Monday Morning Commute.

It’s been one of those interminable Mondays. The sort that strike during the deadness of winter, challenging me not to stick the gas pump up my ass while singing falsetto at everyone staring at me. The dumb, dank, dirty snow. The middle-finger flipping ashen sky. One of those Mondays when I have to write this little column, and unfortunately all I can muster is, “man, I’m pretty much not excited about anything.” Everything is dirty underneath my bitter little gums today. Here is a list of begrudgingly rustled things that I’m kind of, sort of, enjoying.

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OSCAR NOMINATIONS 2013: Everything sucks and your favorite movie does too.

Every once in a while, Eddie Pluto will send me a message with something like, “Oh hey did you see Story X?” and immediately I think “No, but you should really help an overworked brother out and post it on OL.” He then tells me the really interesting story, and I agree it’s pretty awesome. Then he’s like, “Yeah, you should post it on OL.” The most recent case of this is with the Oscar nominations. I was going to be strong, telling myself that I didn’t really care. Then I saw the goddamn nominations for best director. The list sucks, but Eddie Pluto’s boy was on it. Steven Spielberg and his dumb movie Lincoln. Clearly, clearly, clearly the only reason Ed didn’t post it himself was because he had some sort of midnight vigil. Lighting some candles underneath his Jaws poster, rubbing himself. It’s cool, dude.

Here’s the dumb list. Fuck everyone for no Tarantino and Anderson. What do you think? Let me know.

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Seth MacFarlane hosting Oscars. This makes sense. Both aren’t funny! #Trolling

Seth MacFarlane is hosting the Oscars, an event known for inspiring utter apathy in my ass. It’s a bit fitting, since MacFarlane generally does nothing for me as well. Oh lord, I’m trolling, I’m trolling. So maybe Family Guy has devolved into a legion of non sequiturs, but this summer’s Ted was pretty radical.

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84th Academy Awards Nominations Announced; Awful Picks And Jobbery

Oh shit! The Academy Awards nominations have dropped!, and OL favorite Drive  has gotten jobbed. In favor of what? Shit like Extremely Loud and Overly Sentimental Drivel  and others.

Hit the jump for the nominations, discuss them in the comments section.

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