Monday Morning Commute: Beasts & Smilers

The President can help!

This is Monday Morning Commute.

It’s been one of those interminable Mondays. The sort that strike during the deadness of winter, challenging me not to stick the gas pump up my ass while singing falsetto at everyone staring at me. The dumb, dank, dirty snow. The middle-finger flipping ashen sky. One of those Mondays when I have to write this little column, and unfortunately all I can muster is, “man, I’m pretty much not excited about anything.” Everything is dirty underneath my bitter little gums today. Here is a list of begrudgingly rustled things that I’m kind of, sort of, enjoying.


House of Cards.

I’m watching House of Cards like everyone else.
This show is enjoyable. You can tell that it is made by Fincher and Spacey. While watching it, I often realize I am ignorant to the workings of government. Maybe it is time to cancel my Communist-Anarcho-Mars-Liberation meetings until I bone up more on how the world actually works.


Spring Training!

Yeah, I like baseball. Spring training has arrived. This is nice for me.
Being overly caffeinated, I live my live in a perpetual state of flatulence. And anxiety. I think I meant to initially type anxiety. One of the most prominent affects this has on my life, aside from rendering me incapable of proof-reading anything, is that I find it hard to relax. While many people find baseball soporific,  I enjoy the slow methodical pace of the game. It is a calm bastion of zen within the maelstrom of my world. Not only that, but Spring Training heralds the arrival of greenery into my part of the world. While I cannot quite yet feel the approach of a habitable clime taking over Massachusetts, I appreciate its approach on an abstract level. If I can just stem that gas pump-in-the-ass-thing for like, six more weeks. Just six more weeks. A better world.



Anticipating the end of The Dude’s High Five
The Dude has done the unthinkable. Besting even me. By this Wednesday, he will have completed a year’s worth of columns. No shit. No misses. Nothing. For a dude (is that redundant? In this case, guy?) who has only been paid in…I think I bought his ticket to the Avengers?…well pretty much nothing, it is a goddamn feat. Cheers to your accomplishment, you beautiful bastard.


Trent is running with the old boys.

Nine Inch Nails is touring again.
They were already gone for four years? Jesus Christ on a Blasphemous Cracker, I’m getting old.


What are you folks enjoying this week? Hit me.