OSCAR NOMINATIONS 2013: Everything sucks and your favorite movie does too.

Every once in a while, Eddie Pluto will send me a message with something like, “Oh hey did you see Story X?” and immediately I think “No, but you should really help an overworked brother out and post it on OL.” He then tells me the really interesting story, and I agree it’s pretty awesome. Then he’s like, “Yeah, you should post it on OL.” The most recent case of this is with the Oscar nominations. I was going to be strong, telling myself that I didn’t really care. Then I saw the goddamn nominations for best director. The list sucks, but Eddie Pluto’s boy was on it. Steven Spielberg and his dumb movie Lincoln. Clearly, clearly, clearly the only reason Ed didn’t post it himself was because he had some sort of midnight vigil. Lighting some candles underneath his¬†Jaws poster, rubbing himself. It’s cool, dude.

Here’s the dumb list. Fuck everyone for no Tarantino and Anderson. What do you think? Let me know.

Dumb Huffington Post:

1. Best Picture: “Amour,” “Argo,” “Beasts of the Southern Wild,” “Django Unchained,” “Les Miserables,” “Life of Pi,” “Lincoln,” “Silver Linings Playbook,” “Zero Dark Thirty.”

2. Actor: Bradley Cooper, “Silver Linings Playbook”; Daniel Day-Lewis, “Lincoln”; Hugh Jackman, “Les Miserables”; Joaquin Phoenix, “The Master”; Denzel Washington, “Flight.”

3. Actress: Jessica Chastain, “Zero Dark Thirty”; Jennifer Lawrence, “Silver Linings Playbook”; Emmanuelle Riva, “Amour”; Quvenzhan√© Wallis, “Beasts of the Southern Wild”; Naomi Watts, “The Impossible.”

4. Supporting Actor: Alan Arkin, “Argo”; Robert De Niro, “Silver Linings Playbook”; Philip Seymour Hoffman, “The Master”; Tommy Lee Jones, “Lincoln”; Christoph Waltz, “Django Unchained.”

5. Supporting Actress: Amy Adams, “The Master”; Sally Field, “Lincoln”; Anne Hathaway, “Les Miserables”; Helen Hunt, “The Sessions”; Jacki Weaver, “Silver Linings Playbook.”

6. Directing: Michael Haneke, “Amour”; Benh Zeitlin, “Beasts of the Southern Wild”; Ang Lee, “Life of Pi”; Steven Spielberg, “Lincoln”; David O. Russell, “Silver Linings Playbook.”

7. Foreign Language Film: “Amour,” Austria; “Kon-Tiki,” Norway; “No,” Chile; “A Royal Affair,” Denmark; “War Witch,” Canada.

8. Adapted Screenplay: Chris Terrio, “Argo”; Lucy Alibar and Benh Zeitlin, “Beasts of the Southern Wild”; David Magee, “Life of Pi”; Tony Kushner, “Lincoln”; David O. Russell, “Silver Linings Playbook.”

9. Original Screenplay: Michael Haneke, “Amour”; Quentin Tarantino, “Django Unchained”; John Gatins, “Flight”; Wes Anderson and Roman Coppola, “Moonrise Kingdom”; Mark Boal, “Zero Dark Thirty.”

10. Animated Feature Film: “Brave”; “Frankenweenie”; “ParaNorman”; “The Pirates! Band of Misfits”; “Wreck-It Ralph.”

11. Production Design: “Anna Karenina,” “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey,” “Les Miserables,” “Life of Pi,” “Lincoln.”

12. Cinematography: “Anna Karenina,” “Django Unchained,” “Life of Pi,” “Lincoln,” “Skyfall.”

13. Sound Mixing: “Argo,” “Les Miserables,” “Life of Pi,” “Lincoln,” “Skyfall.”

14. Sound Editing: “Argo,” “Django Unchained,” “Life of Pi,” “Skyfall,” “Zero Dark Thirty.”

15. Original Score: “Anna Karenina,” Dario Marianelli; “Argo,” Alexandre Desplat; “Life of Pi,” Mychael Danna; “Lincoln,” John Williams; “Skyfall,” Thomas Newman.

16. Original Song: “Before My Time” from “Chasing Ice,” J. Ralph; “Everybody Needs a Best Friend” from “Ted,” Walter Murphy and Seth MacFarlane; “Pi’s Lullaby” from “Life of Pi,” Mychael Danna and Bombay Jayashri; “Skyfall” from “Skyfall,” Adele Adkins and Paul Epworth; “Suddenly” from “Les Miserables,” Claude-Michel Schonberg, Herbert Kretzmer and Alain Boublil.

17. Costume: “Anna Karenina,” “Les Miserables,” “Lincoln,” “Mirror Mirror,” “Snow White and the Huntsman.”

18. Documentary Feature: “5 Broken Cameras,” “The Gatekeepers,” “How to Survive a Plague,” “The Invisible War,” “Searching for Sugar Man.”

19. Documentary (short subject): “Inocente,” “Kings Point,” “Mondays at Racine,” “Open Heart,” “Redemption.”

20. Film Editing: “Argo,” “Life of Pi,” “Lincoln,” “Silver Linings Playbook,” “Zero Dark Thirty.”

21. Makeup and Hairstyling: “Hitchcock,” “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey,” “Les Miserables.”

22. Animated Short Film: “Adam and Dog,” “Fresh Guacamole,” “Head over Heels,” “Maggie Simpson in `The Longest Daycare,'” “Paperman.”

23. Live Action Short Film: “Asad,” “Buzkashi Boys,” “Curfew,” “Death of a Shadow (Dood van een Schaduw),” “Henry.”

24. Visual Effects: “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey,” “Life of Pi,” “Marvel’s The Avengers,” “Prometheus,” “Snow White and the Huntsman.”