Somehow I missed the news that Marvel and ESPN have teamed up to produce promotional materials for the upcoming NBA season. Dopest part? They’re referencing classic Marvel shiznit. Like the Infinity Gauntlet! Somehow, this makes sense, since Marvel and ESPN are both owned by Disney, through way of ABC or uh, something. I can’t keep track. But whatever the case, it’s dope. And here’s hoping Kobe-Thanatos can take out LeBron James and the Uncanny Douchebags this year. Yeah, I said it.

Speaking of which, hit the jump for a LeBron James riff on the classic Amazing Spider-Man issue where Peter gives up the costume.

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We all know the print medium is dying. We all know that comic book sales have been sagging lately. Grandma titties sagging. What can the two brutes on the block do to attempt to stimulate the market? Well, they’ve wised the fuck up and rolled back prices on their comics from $3.99 to $2.99 on a lot of their shit.

Good.

With digital sales of Ultimate Thor #1 almost fucking matching the print copies, they need to do something to put more of us, the great unwashed, back into comic book stores. Slashing prices is a start, though I think ultimately it won’t be enough. The leaf is dying, the bits and bytes reigning supreme more and more. But hey, it makes me happy.

I’ve been totally showing my bipolar roots when it comes to the Thor movie. I’m stoked, I’m not stoked. I’m excited, I think their outfits look like Hot Topic bullshit. Yes, and no. Up and down. As of the time of this post, and subject to change, I’m pretty fucking pumped about the movie. These scans came out yesterday, thanks to intrepid people with scanners and Empire magazine. They look righteous, with a smoldering emo Thor looking god damn fantastic in his costume.

Hit the jump for Asgardian wankery.

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What a fantastic week in the world of funny books. There’s a good amount of shit dropping that I’m digging and/or have been anticipating for a while now. Some weeks it’s bare bones, other weeks it’s a raping and pillaging of my wallet. There doesn’t seem to be a middle ground, which is cool, because what is the internet for! If not for bitching and moaning?

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S.H.I.E.L.D #4
Whenever S.H.I.E.L.D drops, it’s my favorite book of the week. Easily, and without contention. Hickman and Weaver are combining their powers like fucking Captain Planet to give me a mind-raping that I welcome with open uh, mind-anus? Whatever. Seriously though, it’s a combination of epic Marvel action during the days of DaVinci, humanist philosophy, and really, really, really gorgeous artwork. It’s raged from being unknown and underneath the radar to one of the dopest and most acclaimed titles of the year, and if you haven’t hitched yourself to its Icarus wings yet, it’s about time that you got on board.

Last episode was Sir Isaac Newton copulating with an alien, and enslaving Nostradamus to help him guide the trajectory of human history. This episode? Apparently there’s a fetus of god being born, as well as a throwdown with a Celestial. This son of a bitch is hitting on so many cylinders, it’s scary. Well worth your $3.

Also In The Marvel Universe:
Sometimes I kick it around the horn in a Universe when there’s a particularly large deluge rocketing down the pipe, and this week seems fitting. There’s a huge heaping of Thor dropping this week. The aforementioned scribe superior, Hickman is debuting his Ultimate Thor this week, and like a moaning fanboy of his, I’ll be checking it out. Not content, more Thor for you? Even though he’s becoming the Asgardian equivalent of Deadpool when it comes to over-exposure? Hit up Thor: For Asgard. The artwork by Bianchi sells it by itself. Uncanny X-Force #1 debuts this week, and yeah? I don’t know man. At one point in my life, the word “Uncanny” meant a shitload to me. Know it just bums me out, and makes me which I was still running the Australian outback with Claremont and Silvestri.

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Pictures surfaced of Chris Evans rocking out as Steve Rogers today. One of the more ludicrous complaints I heard about him when he was announced is that he wasn’t “big enough”. Yeah well! I always thought he was ripped as fuck, and he seems to have stepped his game up since then. Don’t worry those of you who were worried he wasn’t going to bulge enough, he’s bringing it.

He’s pretty god damn swoon worthy. Hit the jump to check out the pictures from the set.

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Here’s the thing about taking set pictures: they always look retarded and out of context. I try and keep that in mind while taking a gander. Sometimes though? Sometimes though it gets hard. Take for example, this latest batch of Captain America pictures leaked from the set.

Slashfilm:

These shots are different. They don’t show Chris Evans in costume as Cap, but they do have his stunt double in full gear, right down to the wings painted on his helmet. If you didn’t see the Comic Con costume test teaser and the concept art wasn’t enough to communicate how the costume would look, these photos should do the trick.

Hit the jump to see the pictures yourself, and let me know what you think in the comments box.

So what we have here are set pictures of Chris Evans’ stunt double, completely out of context. My thoughts? The outfit itself looks clunky as hell. Too much shit going on. But as I also said, there’s the good possibility that when we see the garb within the movie itself, it’ll look dope. Basically, I’m going a lot of equivocating.

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Click this pig to enlarge. Artist Jock revealed today the cover to Daredevil: Reborn #1, and it’s a gorgeous son of a bitch. If you haven’t been following Daredevil, you’re a fool! And I’m not going to waste my time explaining to you why you are missing one of the best character arcs of the best ten years or so. Just fix it!

Get reading!

Greetings, Earth Dwellers. Or perhaps, interstellar beings, butting into our infostream trying to surmise what the human race is all about. We are humans, and we’re primarily concerned with fucking, fighting, and building. I hope we’ve passed your litmus test, and you see fit to not obliterate us with your laser beams and annihilation strobes. This is Variant Covers, the weekly comic book joint where I sound off on the funny book releases for the forthcoming Wednesday. Should you choose not to vaporize us, I’ll see you next Tuesday.

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Harlan Ellison’s Phoenix Without Ashes #1
If you don’t know who Harlan Ellison is, then you probably need your Geek Card revoked. Actually, that’s a bit draconian. You’re going to receive a three-week suspension and promise of having it returned to you after completing a program that lasts throughout duration of the suspension. He’s one of the Jesus Christ Wunderkinds of science fiction. A progenitor, straight-up pimp, and controversial motherfucker. It makes sense then, that the comic book droppin’ this week with his nomen upon it arrives with a serious amount of controversy surrounding it.

Buckle up, this is an amusing tale.

Back in the year 1971, Ellison developed a TV show under the title of The Starlost, whose pilot was called Phoenix Without Ashes. Apparently it was several shades of asstacular, and Ellison demanded he be credited under Cordwainer Bird. Yeah, guy wasn’t particular happy with the show. Cordwainer Bird? Interesting.

Anyways, following in 1975, the shit got novelized, by Edward Bryant. And here we are, some thirty-five years later, where it’s receiving the funny book treatment courtesy of “Harlan Ellison” and Alan Robinson.

I have no idea if Harlan is directly responsible for converting this son of a bitch into Panels and Narrative Boxes, but it interests me none the less. Any time that one of the godfathers of science fiction is contributing something to the annals of comic book history, I have to take a peek. See what’s going on. It’s what, four dollars? That’s like, three and a half Diet Mountain Dews. I can afford to take the risk.

You know, if they have the comic book. At my local store.

I’m doubting it.

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Bulletproof Coffin #3
Bulletproof Coffin #3 also drops this week. It’s the third issue of an eccentric take on both the current age, and past ages of comic book. Take that shit, wrap it up in some oddity and mix in the familiar but enjoyable trope of examining the glimmer of your past in contrast with the dull sheen of your present existence. But with dead zombies and children holding guns and other insane happenings.

It’s awesome. And if you can find a place to pick it up, it’s worth your space bucks. Your imperial credits. If you’re an alien reading this column, deciphering it for clues pertaining to our existence, you guys can probably walk into the comic book shop and just walk out with it. The fat guys and the bespectacled dorks running the joint are going to be too busy orgasming at the proof of extraterrestrial life to stop you.

Go on, get your theft on. If you’re going to be about our culture, your best bet is to ingratiate yourself into our behaviors as well. Theft is a good place to start.

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Amazing Spider-Man #640
Perhaps you’ve already undergone this, aliens. The movement from tangible to intangible objects. The decline of purchasing tenable objects in your civilization. But I’m having a hard time suffering that, in conjunction with the slow, miserable death of the comic book industry. You see, despite the fact that I’m pretty amped up for this week’s latest issue of Amazing Spidey, I’m more excited for the two aforementioned titles. The esoteric, less marketable bullshit. Less marketable, but perhaps even more enjoyable.

I’m struggling more and more lately with the fact that the shit I want to read, isn’t found on the shelves of my favorite comic book store. Ever since I said to myself, “Drinkwater, you got places in your heart for things beyond the realm of Capes and Telekinesis”, I’ve been branching out into Esoteria. But with that evolution of interest, I’m met every week with similar results. I walk into my comic book store, hoping to find say, Bulletproof Coffin, while silently resigned to the notion that I shant.

I walk to the shelf, and amidst Deadpool Explosi-Core #15 and Utterly Invincible Albeit Uncanny X-Force, there ain’t much for someone looking for the different.

And the worst part is? I can’t blame my comic book store.

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Daredevil is a favorite comic book of the Brothers Omega. It has received consistently outstanding writing throughout the years, whether it be from Brian Marvel Bendis, Ed Brubaker, or more recently Andy Diggle and Antony Johnston. And so while I know that Daredevil #512 isn’t the last issue we’ll ever see starring the Man of Fear, the fact that they’re billing it as the “FINAL ISSUE” of a favorite comic book of mine is at least enough to give me pause.

Robot 6:

That’s according to the publisher’s November solicitations, which uncharacteristically lists Daredevil #512   as the “FINAL ISSUE.” Marvel typically doesn’t announce cancellations that far in advance, suggesting there’s something “special” in store; perhaps a miniseries interlude as Matt Murdock grapples with the ramifications of the “Shadowland” storyline, or a complete series relaunch. Daredevil returned to its original numbering in September 2009 with Issue 500.

You know that Matt Murdock’s precipitous slide into madness ramped up a notch when he stabbed Bulleye’s deserving ass and decided to declare war using the Hand as his personal army in the current Mega Event, Shadowland. I mean, dude was just playing with fire. Hellfire, and some brimstone on the side as well.

I just wonder what lays in the cards for Murdock? If they actually kill him off for a bit, that’s +20 to Testicular Fortitude, man. They put Matty into a tailspin so many years ago, and if they actually let him crash and burn as opposed to some convenient salvation, then god damn, cap tipped.

Source: Zatransis

Good morning! Good afternoon! Good evening. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the dance. A list of staggering beauty, replete with asinine pointlessness! Voyeurism in an age where we are obsessed with something-something-someone’s vagina and the decay and collapse of both society and celebrities. Decay? Collapse? Maybe. Who knows. We’ve been calling it the end days since we were silly enough to proclaim Monsieur Christ beyond a good man, but rather a deity. I ain’t got nothin’ for ya’ll but my distractions and my empty panderings. But that’s good enough for you, I hope? I wish! I pray! Who knows. Refresh this page at work and brace yourself. The universe trudges.

Monday Morning Commute. Every Monday I’m going to detail the various things I’m either currently or will be watching, reading, playing, and listening to in the next seven days. It’s Monday. You’ve got a long week of school, work, or compulsive masturbation to get through. Tell me what you’re diggin’ on to get through the drudgery.

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