#June2019

‘The Division’ movie starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Jessica Chastain is heading to Netflix. This is cool by me!

the division movie jake gyllenhaal netflix

Man, I had completely forgotten that The Division was being made into a movie. And that’s fair, right? It was announced in 2016, which is about 3,000,000,000 pop culture news cycles ago. But, it is! And, it’s starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Jessica Chastain, and being directed by David Leitch.

That’s enough talent to have me interested, especially since I enjoy the source material.

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Jake Gyllenhaal joins ‘Spider-Man: Homecoming’ sequel as Mysterio

jake gyllenhaal spiderman homecoming sequel mysterio
Well, Jake Gyllenhaal has finally joined the Comic Book Movie game. Not to play Batman, as was rumored last year. Nope, unfortunately. Instead, the dude is going to be playing Mysterio in the Spider-Man: Homecoming sequel.

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Rumor: Jake Gyllenhaal is “probably” replacing Affleck as Batman and oh god this never ends

rumor gyllenhaal batman replacing ben affleck

I want Jake Gyllenhaal to replace Ben Affleck as Batman. But, that’s neither here nor there in the short term. More than anything, I just want the fucking Ben Affleck/Batman soap opera to conclude.

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Jake Gyllenhaal rumored to replace Affleck as Batman. Don’t tease me, bro

rumor jake gyllenhaal replace ben affleck batman

Rumor has Jake Gyllenhaal as the dude eyed to replace Ben Affleck, should the actor drop the mantle. Like, this is fantastic, and I want it. Gyllenhaal is similar Ben Affleck, except talented, better looking, and ostensibly wouldn’t hate the role with every fiber of his being. Still not convinced? Go watch Nightcrawler and Prisoners and then get the fuck out of my faceee.

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‘Nocturnal Animals’ Trailer: Love Is A Dark Violent Novel

The trailer for Tom Ford’s next movie, Nocturnal Animals has hit. And motherfucker, has it caught me off guard. I knew that Ford’s initial flick was well received, but I never caught it. Nocturnal Animals, though? Seems like the sort of beautiful, violent, miserable affair that I’m all about.

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‘Southpaw’ Trailer: Kings Never Die! Or Something.

Tom Hardy leaves ‘Suicide Squad’, Jake Gyllenhaal sought to replace

New peeps

Tom Hardy to Suicide Squad: fuck ya’ll, I’m out. Warner Bros to Jake Gyllenhaal: bruh what you up to?

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Monday Morning Commute: I Eat Teeth

iet

I Eat Teeth.

You could say it’s an idiosyncrasy. Some people need to pull their socks up after they sit down. Some folks need to turn the faucet three times to the right before they can leave the bathroom. Others shine their shoes so they can look up them skirts on the subway train.

I Eat Teeth.

Big whup. Mom didn’t like it when she was around. But now she ain’t around. She’s behind the shed. And yet. Still.

I Eat Teeth.

Dad didn’t let me visit the nursing home no more after that one time. Didn’t think I should eat teeth. But now he ain’t around no more neither.

I Eat Teeth.

Mom, Dad, the Neighbors, the Teachers. I’m sure they had their own thing. Dad’s tissues next to the nightstand told me was up to somethin’. Mom’s perpetual change of clothes in her car. The Neighbors’ pool parties with their friends, the teacher’s eyes and the cheerleaders’ skirts. Don’t matter. We all got our thing.

I Eat Teeth.

Mom’s teeth, Dad’s teeth, Ted’s teeth, your teeth. But no worry. You live in me and I live in the Center and together we live forever.

I Eat Teeth.

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‘Nightcrawler’ Red Band Trailer: Gyllenhaal’s American Psychotics

Nightcrawler

Coming up on Friday is the release of Nightcrawler, another fucking tour de force for Jake Gyllenhaal. If you’ve been sleeping on him, Jakey has been fucking crushing it lately. And this latest release is Gyllenhaal channelling a gloriously unhinged enterprising would-be journalist in the world of LA crime reporting. A dark comedy arriving on The Demon’s Night.

Sounds good.

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‘Enemy’ Theatrical Trailer: Bearded Gyllenhaal sees double

Enemy

When I see Jake Gyllenhaal with a beard, I curse the lack of progress in the biological technologies. Don’t give me “oh we have amazing advances every day!” nonsense. I don’t want to fucking hear it. Until I can vat-grow ovaries and have Bearded Gyllenhaal’s children it is all for fucking nothing. Nothing! Seriously though — here is a trailer for Enemy. It is the second flick that Gyllenhaal has cut with Denis Villeneuve; the two of them teamed up last year for the exceptional Prisoners. After watching this trailer, I’m not entirely certain what this movie is about. And I fucking love that.

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