Here’s a new Godzilla: King of the Monsters trailer! It announces that the motherfucker is the ruler of Earth, and I’m completely cool with the idea.
You want some fucking monster mayhem in your Godzilla: King of the Monsters trailer? Bro, you got some monster mayhem.
Bradley Whitford has joined Godzilla: The King of the Monsters. Is this movie going to be good? I don’t know! But I liked Godzilla. Is this movie going to be good? I don’t know! But I love Bradley Whitford.
HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO BUY A ROTISSERIE CHICKEN AT STOP & SHOP WITH NEWS LIKE THIS BREAKING? One minute I leave the house. Then I’m on my phone AND STAR WARS-SHIT IS BLOWING UP. Had to punch an old lady in the kidney to get through the doors faster. FART IN A FUCKING LITTLE KID’S FACE to cut the self-checkout. But here I am. Telling you this: Gareth Edwards is in charge of the first Star Wars movie. NOW CAN I COOK MY FUCKING BROCCOLI? Edwards? Love or hate Godzilla, he has a gorgeous eye. The writer for this standalone flick? Fucking gross.
Oh Shit! Caff-Pow up in your cereal! Eating allllllllllllllllll the fucking marshmallows out of your Lucky Charms. What are you going to do about it? Nothing, and you’ll like it! Anyways so yeah it appears that Rendar is still locked in the fucking bathroom or something. His cock stuck, somehow simultaneously sizzling and dripping, in his Ryan Gosling plushie. So it’s me. You. And our choices for Monday Morning Commute. The rundown on what we’re looking forward to this week.
Hey friends. Tuesday Morning Commute! in the house. The column where we share the various nonsense that is getting us through the grind of a given week. Speaking of grinds — sorry for the lack of updates. And the tardiness of this column. Last week of the semester is a wonderful sprint through existence. Pubes on fire. Covered in anxiety-vomit. Praying for a better world. The good news is that starting next week you’re going to be way stuck with me for four months.
This is what I’m digging.
Here’s some FUCKING GODZILLA GOODNESS by OL favorite BRANDON GRAHAM. Go here for more of his madcap-genius-time.
Okay so yeah this clip pretty much confirms that there is going to be some Godzilla versus Other Big Monster Fuckers action in the new flick. And that!, my friends!, has my geek dick!, hard! (My regular dick stopped getting hard after the Slurpee Machine Accident of 1997.)