Solid Snake. Naw, that’s not it. Liquid Snake? Don’t think so. What the fuck is Big Boss-Snake called? Phallic Snake? Flaccid Snake? Calling a Metal Gear guru to help me out. While you’re attending to my stupidity, I’ll be basking in the MGS V artwork that is adorning March’s Game Informer.
Hit the jump to join me.
We now know the September blowout contained within the pages of Game Informer. That shit is nothing other than Dragon Age: Inquisition. I’ve loved the first two installments of the franchise in differing degrees, and I’m sure I’ll love this one. What I want more than anything from this installment is a steady fucking aesthetic and game design that’ll persist. This third game seems to be yet another iteration of the franchise, changing up approaches from both the first and second titles. Aiight, cool. But let’s try and create one that’ll fucking stick. Define your universe, friends. Then own it.
Hit the jump for deets, as well as the cover.
Grand Theft Auto V is branching out into unfamiliar territory. They’re dropping not one, not two, but three protagonists. It was rumored back last year, and now it has been confirmed by the next cover of Game Informer.
Game Informer has revealed its January cover, which is sporting an interesting confluence. South Parker, and gaming. Obsidian is helming it, and I already feel bad for fans of the franchise. Fuck Obsidian, and their glorious destruction of both the Fallout and Knights of the Old Republic franchises. #Bitterness
Hit the jump for the cover.
Motherfucker Freedan the Eternal over at Gamefaqs has been so kind as to drop some details from the Mass Effect 3 in the newest issue of Game Informer. Where the fuck is my copy of this shit? Today was the first time I checked my mailbox eagerly in goddamn years.
Hit the jump for the details shared!
Oh hell yeah! The Mass Effect-related Dope Train continues chugging along today. Hot on the heels of the news that there’s going to be a Mass Effect anime, Game Informer drops the cover to their next issue. Mass Effect 3, motherfuckers! Which means of course, there’s going to be a goddamn blowout in the issue. It promises to have “12 pages of exclusive info, screens, and art that no Mass Effect fan should miss.”
You bet your fucking ass I won’t.
Hit the jump for the full cover.
Behold the new look of Lara Croft. Crystal Dynamics is rebooting the franchise, and are totally swearing to tell the origin story of Ms. Croft. Isn’t this like her third reboot at this point? I can’t keep track. The head of Crystal Dynamics, Darrell Gallagher, trots out some of the more derivative statements you’ll find across video games and comic books to hype up this new origin!
Forget everything you knew about TOMB RAIDER. This is an origins story that creates Lara Croft and takes her on a character defining journey like no other.
Yeah, okay. I’ve heard that line a million times out of DC and Marvel alone. This is across mediums, but it’s the same hyperbole. Maybe it isn’t a reboot, but they’re appear to be starting afresh.
On the look? I like it. I’m sure she’ll still be super sexualized to an extent. But it’s nice to see her with a face that’s a bit harder (but pretty! of course! Heroines have to be pretty.) and suffering some battle damage.
God damn. You guys know I love a lot of things, but there are seldom things I love more than both the original Bioshock, and retro-future art and universes. Well Jesus Christ, the covers to this month’s Game Informer bring the two together in ways that may cause inappropriate orgasming.
The three covers reveal the Handyman the Bioshock Infinite equivalent of the Big Daddy, as well as advertisements for what may be the equivalent of plasmids called Vigors. Who knows. The covers are ornate beyond reason, and total porn for geeks like me.
Hit the jump to check out the covers.