For better or worse, this trailer is exactly what you’d expect from Zack Snyder at this point. For me? The trailer is a collection of overly glossy, desaturated, heartless action, ill-executed jokes, and both literal and figurative garbage fires. The movie seems no better and no worse than any of his other DC movies, and how you interpret that statement is up to you.
(This is me just trying to be p. chill on a Saturday, I’m sure I’ll find my usual level of emotionally-unbalanced spleen about this later.)
All the characters! All of them in
Justice League Batman v Superman. Jason Momoa has reportedly been cast as Aquaman in the flick by the Gang of Bros. I’m for it. Throw that dude on a sick Sea Horse, and he can go around Marauding and shit.
Oh fuck! Oh me! Oh my! Warner Brothers’s purported DC Comics Film schedule has leaked! (If you believe it, but I do.) To whatever jabroni leaked it, watch it. Bro Dude Dick Heads Goyer and Snyder are liable to send Superman after your ass. And as we’ve seen in Man of Steel, he’s angry as fuck and ready to snap necks.
Sucker Punch: If a train wreck could have an abortion, and then that abortion was eaten, and vomited, and smeared onto celluloid.
We have reached the fucking vanishing point. The moment where what feels like every single fucking nerd trope we love has been sodomized, lobotomized, and left for dead. Sucker Punch is the runaway diarrhea train of disaster defecated on the brains of Geek America. I am a fat, unwashed, dork. With mouth-breathing tendencies, and extremely low expectations. I get hard at the sight of girls with swords, and can intellectualize my way out of feeling shitty for the obvious objectification inherent in women in skirts moaning as they labor. Even with that, Zack Snyder managed to nonsensically cobble together every single nerdboy’s fantasies into a withering, quivering, fluid-covered disaster.
I am suddenly very, very worried for Superman. Maybe I should have been before.