The Money Making Minds behind Borderlands 2 have announced a season pass for the upcoming title. Such a swag bag will entitle you to all of the game’s DLC for a mere $30. I’m not a computational wizard, but that shit is at least 50% off what you’d have to spend to buy it as it came out. As a dorkus who was going to snag all of the DLC and rub it so, so, so lovingly all over my own shanty towns, I’m excited.
Mass Effect 3 is finally getting some DLC that isn’t promising to fix the ending. Those lasses and lads at BioWare really through themselves off their schedule when they decided to shit directly into the game code after about thirty hours of fun. They’ve finally doubled back around though, and are ready to release some new content.
Just today I was wondering what the fuck was going on with the Mass Effect 3: Unfucked Ending, and no sooner do I dwell on it some info turns up. My mind has fucking powers! Imagining…Scarlett Johansson. She’s here guys. Be to the right back.
Only on Omega Level will you find an asshole blathering gibberish about Mass Effect 2 when a single screenshot hints at not a new game, but more DLC. But that’s what I’m doing. Fuck you! Remember that ME2 DLC, ‘Arrival’ that was hinted at in a patch or whatever? Today BioWare posted a picture on their Facebook with the overt hint, “New Mass Effect 2 screenshots have Arrived.” Hey, I get it, arrived! Like Arrival.
But still. I’m freaking out. I have an unhealthy obsession with the franchise.
Hit the jump for the picture.
I’m a total loser, and the reason that DLC pricing is broken. You see, if it’s something I’m obsessed with, I’ll pay anything for it.
BioWare has revealed the price of the Stolen Memory downloadable content pack for Mass Effect 2. Whether your a Cerberus Network member or not, fans will have to pony up 560 Microsoft points on Xbox LIVE, or 560 BioWare points ($7) for PC.
First revealed earlier this month during the Game Developers Conference, the Stolen Memory pack contains an all-new playable character, Kasumi Goto, a master thief. New missions will also be available. BioWare says you’ll be able to access the content at any point in the game and will take about an hour and a half to complete.
Seven bucks for an hour and a half of content is a bit much, but I don’t care. Seven bucks for an hour and a half of content and a new character seems a little better, but I still don’t care. Hit it, Kool-Aid Man!
More shit is barfing up about the first paid Mass Effect 2 DLC, Kasumi’s Memory.
First off, would you believe it, the female character is hot? I know, right? Totally a shocker. Apparently in the Mass Effect universe, everyone is gorgeous looking, or at least in great shape. It doesn’t matter if you’re a politician, an archealogist, or a soldier, you’re fucking hot. You got abs like what, and dumps like a truck.
Secondly, the shit teases our e-dongs with hints of Earth again.
Take it away Kotaku, you beautiful fuck!
This DLC is Mass Effect’s ode to James Bond. It is an undercover slip into a formal-attire-required party at the estate of the shady Donovan Hock, mixed with a bit of schmoozing, a safe that needs cracking and then gunfire. There is a vault in this 90-minute level. It contains statues of familiar characters and two of the most popular statues from Earth: Michelangelo’s David and the Statue of Liberty.
Oh shiznit! Some vault has the fucking Statue of Liberty? I assume they’ve been saving Earth’s fate for the final installment of their first trilogy, but I’m assuming that nothing good has become of it.
And I fucking love vaults with hidden treasure, don’t you? Uncle Scrooge in Duck Tales was always my hero, because the dude could swim in gold coins. Every good universe needs some vault with awesome artifacts to be plundered by Nicholas Cage. Seriously.
I go ape shit for anything Mass Effect, and for those of you who don’t dig the universe, I’m probably driving you crazy. So to entertain you, and make this post worthwhile, I’d like to offer you something awesome:
You have to appreciate the sort of shitty, douchebag business model that Capcom pushes. There was already a total uproar over Resident Evil 5’s multiplayer modes being sold as DLC instead of being packaged on the disc. And now? Grease up your butts, they’re releasing Super Street Fighter IV as a full retail release. What does SSFIV bring to us gamers?
Capcom today have announced Super Street Fighter IV, a new, standalone title which is Street Fighter IV with eight new characters added and some tweaks made based on community feedback.
A full retail release? For eight new characters? You have to be fucking kidding me. I find it mind boggling that they need a full retail release for eight new characters and some “tweaks” – a beautifully nebulous and indistinct term – while companies like Bethesda offer new episodic content for $12.50. Don’t fucking fret, Capcom has their asses covered. Tell us Capcom, why can’t you release this as DLC?
Ono says the changes are so extensive that they couldn’t just be tacked on, so a disc release was necessary.
Really? Really? Really? I’d like to spin kick whoever believes that shit. Anyone who has played WoW knows the sort of stuff they can do via downloads and patches. The entire game can be remade for Christ’s sake. But these nebulous tweaks can’t be sold through Live! or PSN?
But don’t worry, it probably, maybe, certainly wouldn’t be full price. Apparently it’ll come with some sort of reduced price, and get this, an as-of-yet unannounced, special treat for people who own both the original SFIV and SSFIV.
Here’s hoping it’s some salve, for the bruised ass Capcom is going to leave you with.
Square is “considering” DLC for Final Fantasy XIII. This company continually fucking confuses me. No, like seriously. The company is comfortable spinning their franchises off into cell phone games, toilet paper, action figures, thirteen Final Fantasy VII off-shoot games. They come off like straight-up shameless money whores. It seems so obvious. But then they do things like continue to not remake Final Fantasy VII, and now this. Dudes say they’re like, you know, mulling over the decision:
“We are exploring the option of downloadable content, perhaps adding new areas, items or enemies, but these would not be expansions to the story, only the gameplay,” he explains. “The entire story of FFXIII will be on the disc.”
Guys. Fucking come on. Do you have any idea HOW MUCH MONEY you could make off of DLC? You know that people like me follow your releases with raging boners. You know you’ve sold me fifteen Cloud action figures. How many fucking Final Fantasy VII/VIII/X wallscrolls have I bought? We’ll buy any expansions you release. I’ll pay $5 for a fucking lightsaber for my 360 avatar. Do you have any idea how much I’d pay for a fucking Buster Sword?!?!
It’s amazing how fucking out of touch Square has become. Every company around shills DLC. It’s easy money. It’s been common hat for years now. And of course, here’s Square. Lagging behind. Contemplating shit that should be obvious and without statement at this point.
I can’t even tell you how hard I’d lose my mind for a $5 FFXIII DLC that would unlock a bunch of new side-quests and some new omega weapons. And I know people who hold my same beliefs are legion. Keep mulling it around guys, it’s only the most obvious fucking decision ever.