Proof Square Doesn’t Like Money: Where’s our Fucking FFVII Remake?

It’s a common source of confusion for Final Fantasy VII fanboys like my friends and myself why Squaresoft (they’ll always be fucking Squaresoft to me, okay?) hasn’t made a Final Fantasy VII remake. Market whores, Square has spun the game off into a thousand derivatives. Movies, cell phone games, toilet paper, subvertly sponsored Cloud/Sephiroth yaoi.

At the same time, they’ve remade like, you know, all the other Final Fantasy games for the DS, Gameboy, Virtual Boy, and Neogeo. So where the fuck is our Final Fantasy VII remake? The game was the jumping-on point for many Squaresoft fanatics like myself. It still remains insanely popular in the community, and the game would make more money than fucking God. So where the fuck is it at?

The VG247 blog managed to get this out of the motherfuckers responsible for FFVII:

There’s no official project that’s up and running for a remake of Final Fantasy VII at this point. Both Toriyama-san and Kitase-san were involved in the development of the game, however, and it holds a special place in their hearts. They do talk about it on a personal level, like, ‘If we did it it would be like this or like that.’

So, they do talk about it, but there’s no official project yet. But there’s that PSN release that just came out, so if you could play that for the time being, it should be fun.

In other words. We’re busy taking fourteen god damn years for Final Fantasy XIII because we’ve become incompetent, sludgy fucks. But buy the original on the PSN, because we contradict ourselves and really do love money, while not working on the project that would make us so much money we could fashion a real-life Godzilla.