Pussy Gamers Get Their Hands Held More; Bayonetta One Button Pwning
Bayonetta, the action game coming from the man behind Viewtiful Joe, Okami, Resident Evil and Devil May Cry promises to be many things. A showcase of a hot chick in leather and glasses. More action insanity from the master. And apparently, a venue for pussy handholding.
Bayonetta‘s “Very Easy Automatic” mode is designed for noobs, but should also be perfectly suited to the chronic wanker. Able to be played with one hand, socially maladjusted gamers like myself will be able to pull their plonkers, issue a fine stringy jet of minging muck-magma, and clean up the pubic marshland without ever having to stop the game. Genius.
The bitchification of gamers continues. What a bunch of casual douchebags the gaming community is coming. I honestly don’t understand how it is gratifying to hit one button and mop the floor with shit. Half of my enjoyment from playing games like Ninja Gaiden and Devil May Cry 3 is the thrill of execution. It’s about learning the strategies and finally being able to fell some bad ass boss.
Listen, I know they’re going to include a real mode for real gamers, so this is just auxiliary as a way to lure more fans in. But it just seems confounding to me that people would enjoy it, and as a shithead-hard-ass-gaming-dbag, I resent giving shitty gamers the ability to wank out without skill. I know I’m being pretentious. Fuck you.