This sort of aggression will not stand, mannn. Denzel Washington turned down a role in the sequel to this year’s empirically greatest, most testicle-caressing philosophical adventure. Ya’ll know the one I’m talking about. And this, Denzel. This makes you an uber-jabroni.

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OH GOD. How much stoic, brooding masculinity can you fit into one film? Winding Refn and Washington are going to try and find out. I hear the movie is just Denzel staring quietly into a mirror for two hours, fire in his eyes. Eventually the mirror begins to vibrate, then literally weep. It shatters. The movie ends.

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