My shaft is seriously chaffing after the vigorous trailer-inspired thrashing I have been giving it today. The final trailer for Star Trek Into Darkness is a glorious batch of pomp-and-circumstance, wrapped around the dulcet tones of Benedict Cumberbatch. I cannot wait for this jam.

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Whatever that little ship Kirk and company are flying in this trailer, I’ll be goddamned if it doesn’t look like the Falcon. Rest easy now Abrams, you’ve gotten the franchise you wanted. No, seriously though. This trailer is amazing. There are like a million explosions. Space flight. Space suits. And by the end, my tits are painfully swole.

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Oh Jesus Christ, my nipples are hard. Touch them. Feel their rigidity. Actually, don’t. They’re prone to cut you. Just watch this trailer instead.

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Hey. This trailer was posted last night during Ray Lewis’ Sermon or whatever. It’s pretty neat. Let’s talk about it.

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D.J. Caruso is directing Preacher. His previous works include stints on The Shield. Awesome. Disturbia. I liked it, I know fuck me. Eagle eye. Never saw it. And most recently, I Am Number Four. During the international press tour for I Am Number Four, he’s begun discussing this upcoming project. Most intriguing is the comment that Shia LaBeouf is interested in being in the Preacher movie, and dammit in a role that might just work.

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[face of a franchise presents two individuals that’ve fulfilled the same role. your task — choose the better of the two and defend your choice in the rancor pit that is the comments section]

William Shatner v. Chris Pine.

Whattaya think? Is Shatner a shoe-in because he’s the original urbane explorer of space? Or does Chris Pine’s reimagined Kirk, the Solo-meets-Skywalker take on the Trek universe, go places his predecessor simply couldn’t?

Let the games begin.