Avengers Assemble.

Hey! Who needs new Doktor Sleepless when Ellis can churn out yet another fucking Avengers title, am I rite? Eh, who am I kidding. Bitterness aside, I’m sure I’ll enjoy this little ditty.

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‘AVENGERS’ Breaks $1 BILLION Mark In 19 Days. Assembled, Indeed! #CrapPuns

When Avengers  first came out, contributor and relative d-bag Eduardo Pluto left the theater asking me if the film would make a billi. I wasn’t sure, but I threw my chips into the “Yes” ring anyways. My reasoning was that ass-sore Alice in Generic Burton Land  had done it, and if it could – goddammit this gem would as well.

I was correct! However, I never imagined it happening this quickly.

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Marvel Announces ‘Avengers Assemble’, Making It The 933rd Avengers Title.

If there’s one thing I need absolutely no more of, it’s a Brian Michael Bendis-powered Avengers title. Well with the movie coming out, it’s sour grapes and tough rocks in my sandwich. Lots of rocks. Making all too much corporate sense, Marvel has announced BMB will be heading up a new title in some wonderful cross-medium synergy.

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Images & Words – Siege #3

Siege 3

[images & words is the comic book pick-of-the-week at OL. equal parts review and diatribe, the post highlights the most memorable/infuriating/entertaining book released that wednesday]

Spoilers Ahead. Forreal.

For some unintelligible reason, I usually try to write Images & Words from some sort of objective standpoint. You know, playing make believe that I’m a real journalist or some shit. As though Rich Johnston is going to stumble onto OL and hook us up with jobs or cash or booze or cigarettes. Or something.

But this week I’m stripping away the poorly constructed façade. In its place, I am presenting a full-on, irrational, half-baked fanboy diatribe. So while I generally try to curb the off-putting nerd excitement with cold, logical premises and a forward-moving train of thought, this Images & Words is all about cuttin’ loose.

So without further adieu…Siege #3 is goddamn wonderful.

The third issue of this mini series is a direct continuation of the first two; Norman Osborn’s piece-of-shit government agency is attempting to take down Asgard. It’s a bunch of bullshit, trying to evict Thor, so of course the benevolent warriors of the 616 form a resistance.

This edition of Siege comes out swinging — the second and third pages form a huge splash of about twenty characters. Oh, and I shouldn’t neglect to mention that most of these superheroes are tagging along with Steve Rogers as he screams Avengers Assemble! for the first time in years. The cynic in me wants to scoff at this, give it the middle finger and complain about the fact that every Marvel character seems lined up to be an Avenger (or one of the X-Men).

But I can’t stop myself from smiling. It is fucking sweet to see Steve Rogers teaming up with old friends (especially Bucky), getting together to stomp a mudhole in some villainous ass.

The second highlight exposes itself as Iron Man returns to duty. Having recently been drawn out of a coma during Stark: Disassembled, Tony Stark has to lay the smackdown on Norman Osborn. Using some sort of techno-gadget-wizardry, he overrides the Iron Patriot armor, revealing an Osborn who is in the midst of Goblin-dementia.

But Siege #3 succeeds most in what it doesn’t resolve. Whereas some bust their nuts with the penultimate issue, reserving the final comic for clean-up, this miniseries leaves the reader wanting more. At this point, Thor has gone toe-to-toe with the Sentry but did not fell him. Of course, this just pisses off the Sentry even more, inducing a sort of super-psychotic super-powered state (suck that alliteration, Stan Lee). This is a terrible disposition for a guy who, in the middle of this comic, earnestly asks “How many Gods will I have to kill today?”

Asgard’s in ruins. Norman Osborn has been defeated. The Sentry is on the loose, manic as ever. But hope is not lost, as Earth’s Mightiest Heroes are finally BFFs again, and willing to rise to the challenge.

Siege #3 is fanboy fodder, delivering in bulk the type of superheroics that have become the staple of an entire medium. And although this isn’t always a good thing, in this case it is. This is the type of funnybook that I’d love to hand to any member of a future Krueger generation and say, “Hey, kid, read this — it’s about superheroes and shit. You’ll love it.”