‘AVENGERS’ Breaks $1 BILLION Mark In 19 Days. Assembled, Indeed! #CrapPuns

When Avengers  first came out, contributor and relative d-bag Eduardo Pluto left the theater asking me if the film would make a billi. I wasn’t sure, but I threw my chips into the “Yes” ring anyways. My reasoning was that ass-sore Alice in Generic Burton Land  had done it, and if it could – goddammit this gem would as well.

I was correct! However, I never imagined it happening this quickly.

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When a movie scores the biggest opening weekend of all time (by nearly $40 million, in this case), the expectation is that it should continue to smash records. So, at a glance, “The Avengers” scoring the largest second weekend in film history isn’t exactly newsworthy. Though most prognosticators pegged the film, following a stupefying opening act of $207 million, to level off in the vicinity of 70% or so. As it turns out, a  lot  of your friends missed out on the movie the first time around, and after losing a little more than half of its first weekend tally, it’s the first film ever with  two  nine-figure weekend grosses. That shit cray.

It gets even bigger and better for the film that already has smashed a ton of box office records. The international numbers have been released by  Disney: “The Avengers” crossed the $1 billion mark worldwide in just nineteen days (one of twelve films in history to cross that milestone, and likely the fastest). Not too fucking shabby and a good way to forget “John Carter.” “The Avengers” saw release overseas a week before American audiences, but it hasn’t lost much steam in other regions and continues to play to audiences that you know are just loaded with Thanos fans. This is likely the box office peak of the year — some predicted “The Avengers” would compete with probable smash “The Dark Knight Rises,” though it seems clear that film might suffer by comparison without 3D-inflated prices. By the way, the success of the almost-unnoticeable 3D in “The Avengers” likely means studios will continue to use half-hearted post-conversion 3D to overcharge you. Just so you know.