Astronomers have discovered “ocean planet” a mere 100 light-years from Earth. Webb, do your thing!

astronomers ocean planet near earth

Astronomers found themselves an ocean planet and it’s damn fucking close. Listen, it’s all fucking relative. I know. But 100 light-years away is nothing in the grand scheme of the cosmos, and that’s where this newly discovered planet happens to be. The next step? Aim the James Webb telescope at that fucker!

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Fucking gorgeous images of Jupiter’s auroras captured by Webb Telescope

jupiter auroras webb telescope

Fucking James Webb telescope, man. Just capturing outrageously dope images of space, both near and far from him. I mean, check out these two goddamn images of Jupiter’s auroras!

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NASA is now going “Full Force” to investigate UFOs. That’s what’s up, baby!

Listen. UFOs are real. NASA knows they’re real. Barack Obama said they’re real. So did Marco Rubio, and countless others, on both sides of the political divide. We ain’t fucking working in a world where they ain’t, anymore. Now, the question becomes…what the fuck are they? NASA is invested in answering this question, and they’re now going full force to investigate them.

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Astronomers got new images of R136 which is the most massive star ever found

r136 most massive star ever

Holy moly, she’s a thiccc bitch. Astronomers have some new images of the most massive star ever found, and as you’d expect, they’re gorgeous.

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Plans have been announced for Full Greenhouse on International Space Station. Cosmic cabbage, baby!

full greenhouse international space station

Gardening is pretty dope. I said it, fuck you. But what’s more dope? Gardening in fucking space. Them fucks at the ISS get it, cause plans have been announced for a full greenhouse aboard the station.

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Gigantic-Ass Jet Lightning Bolts That Reach Space Remain Mystery to Scientists

jet lightning bolts space

Man, I didn’t even know that fucking jet lightning bolts were a thing. But they are, and it gets better. These motherfuckers reach space and continue to confound scientists. Jet lightning bolts! Space! Rock and roll, fuckers.

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NASA Finds Holes on the Moon Where Its Always a Nice Temperature. Insert Joke Here

nasa moon holes always nice temperature

NASA has found holes on the Moon where the temperature is always nice, baby! Gotta love them holes with pleasant temperatures. Am I right? Am I right?! I’ll see myself the fuck out.

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Scientists have just detected oldest dark matter ever observed in the Universe. Glimpse that shit, baby!

Fucking wizards at a university in Japan have detected the oldest dark matter ever observed in the Universe. Like, what the fuck? The concept of dark matter is wild enough, and then they out here doing this. The dark matter they’ve observed is from 12 billion years ago. Goddamn.

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Astronomers fucking flabbergasted by mysterious radio waves that defy physics

astronomers radio waves defy physics

Astronomers out there on the regular holding their fucking dicks in their hands. Their tits in their mitts. The latest instance? They’ve discovered mysterious radio waves that defy physics. Seemingly defy physics. Whatever. Fucking still!

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Earth just mysteriously spun faster, recorded shortest day ever. Whelp!

earth spun faster shortest day recorded

Hey let’s slap this bitch onto our lists of Ominous Portents. Except, not really. Except, maybe? The Earth just mysteriously spun faster yesterday, which led to the shortest day ever recorded. Now it wasn’t like a stunning amount of time was shaved off, but still! Pretty fucking gnarly.

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