Astronomers found themselves an ocean planet and it’s damn fucking close. Listen, it’s all fucking relative. I know. But 100 light-years away is nothing in the grand scheme of the cosmos, and that’s where this newly discovered planet happens to be. The next step? Aim the James Webb telescope at that fucker!
Fucking James Webb telescope, man. Just capturing outrageously dope images of space, both near and far from him. I mean, check out these two goddamn images of Jupiter’s auroras!
Listen. UFOs are real. NASA knows they’re real. Barack Obama said they’re real. So did Marco Rubio, and countless others, on both sides of the political divide. We ain’t fucking working in a world where they ain’t, anymore. Now, the question becomes…what the fuck are they? NASA is invested in answering this question, and they’re now going full force to investigate them.
Holy moly, she’s a thiccc bitch. Astronomers have some new images of the most massive star ever found, and as you’d expect, they’re gorgeous.
Gardening is pretty dope. I said it, fuck you. But what’s more dope? Gardening in fucking space. Them fucks at the ISS get it, cause plans have been announced for a full greenhouse aboard the station.
Man, I didn’t even know that fucking jet lightning bolts were a thing. But they are, and it gets better. These motherfuckers reach space and continue to confound scientists. Jet lightning bolts! Space! Rock and roll, fuckers.
NASA has found holes on the Moon where the temperature is always nice, baby! Gotta love them holes with pleasant temperatures. Am I right? Am I right?! I’ll see myself the fuck out.
Scientists have just detected oldest dark matter ever observed in the Universe. Glimpse that shit, baby!
Fucking wizards at a university in Japan have detected the oldest dark matter ever observed in the Universe. Like, what the fuck? The concept of dark matter is wild enough, and then they out here doing this. The dark matter they’ve observed is from 12 billion years ago. Goddamn.
Astronomers out there on the regular holding their fucking dicks in their hands. Their tits in their mitts. The latest instance? They’ve discovered mysterious radio waves that defy physics. Seemingly defy physics. Whatever. Fucking still!
Hey let’s slap this bitch onto our lists of Ominous Portents. Except, not really. Except, maybe? The Earth just mysteriously spun faster yesterday, which led to the shortest day ever recorded. Now it wasn’t like a stunning amount of time was shaved off, but still! Pretty fucking gnarly.