‘GAME OF THRONES’ SEASON 3 EXTENDED TRAILER: Death, Speeches, Gloom, Et Cetera.
Steel yourself for the third season of Game of Thrones, as George R.R. R. R. R. R. Martin continues to kill characters. He slays them from his computer chair, giggling to himself. He pauses only to feast upon the glut of tears he harvests from the crotches of his fans, and then returns to his act. Killing, slaying, forever. Forever.
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Monday Morning Commute: Non-Consensual Rear End Collision
What’s good in the hood, folks? Been a hell of week! Hell of a fucking week. I suffered a butt-drubbing last week at the hands of a son a bitch in a FedEx truck. The little Japanese Car that Could, which had shuttled me to work and back for many a year, Now Simply Can’t. Smash-pow! Don’t ever stop for pedestrians. That is the lesson learned. Crazy Taxi those motherfuckers. Grand Theft Auto right through their right of way. No, I’m just kidding. Don’t do that. Unless you’re fleeing from laser-cocked zombies, who want to nourish their hunger on your balls. Or labia. Laballs. Where was I? I blame the concussion. Oh yeah! This is Monday Morning Commute. The column where we share the various arts, farts, sexual proclivities (still waiting for someone to break that ice), and other general things you’re enjoying on a given week.
Let’s party, gals and guys.
Spielberg developing STANLEY KUBRICK’S NAPOLEON as a TV miniseries. Uh. Okay.
Apparently Stanley Kubrick’s dream project was one centered around Napoleon. Displaying my ignorance, I will cop to having had no goddamn idea about this. Well, Uncle Steve knew about this project. And armed with this knowledge, the Gracious Alien (c’mon, we all know he is an alien) has taken about developing the project.
The HEART NEBULA beats with awesome. Take my puns into your soul!
It’s Monday. I pounded a good old liter of Pepsi Max on the way to work. The result is a collision between your eyes and my horrible puns. May they eviscerate the softer tissues of your meat sack, allowing my infection to spread. Oh yeah, this post is about space or something.
BATMAN arrests potential burglar in ENGLAND. The Future rules.
Motherfucker wanted to just hang out with James Bond, but that wasn’t happening. Wayne had to don the cloak, cancel his date with Jimmy, and arrest some errant fool. Hey man, you don’t choose the superhero game. It chooses you.
Cosplay: HARLEY QUINN by Jessica Nigri. Ya’ll welcome.
‘Cause when Jessica Nigri cosplay comes across my RSS feed, I stand at attention. Get it? Oh, whatever.
Limited edition of ‘FAHRENHEIT 451’ was bound in abestos to stop it from burning. Poison ++
Back in 1953, they clearly didn’t know what we do now about abestos. And I’m glad that’s so. Sure, it is all poisonous and everything. Sure, sure. However, it also can do cool things, like prevent copies of Fahrenheit 451 from burning. That’s some high concept shit! Let me get a copy. I’ll huff it. Gain Bradbury powers. Or cancer. Probably cancer.
Rumor: CHRISTOPHER NOLAN in talks to guide ‘JUSTICE LEAGUE’ flick, BALE back as BATMAN.
Christopher Nolan is maybe-apparently in talks to take over stewardship of the Justice League movie. I can sort of swallow that. Taste it on my tongue. What I have a hard time believing, and definitely what I have a hard time figuring out my feelings regarding, is the potential for Bale to once again don the cloak in said film. How does all of this make your nethers feel? Tell me.
Sam Raimi starting work on ‘EVIL DEAD 4’ this summer, you pumped?
Sam Raimi is entering the Evil Dead arena once more. Sure the good sir produced the forthcoming remake-reboot-resomething, but this is more legit. He shall begin working on a script this summer with his bro for the fourth movie. Cyeah! I know it has been forever and a fortnight since the last Evil Dead proper, yet that has not dashed my excitement for the project. I mean, it can’t be any worse than Peter Parker jazz dancing or some shit. Right?
Press Start: Severed Heads and Savoir Faire
Big Al down the pub told me that he’s seen the PS4. He said it’s sort of shiny, round and floats towards you ominously with its protruding spikes and blades. I told him that was one of the spheres from Phantasm. To be fair: I should have known better, Al is renowned for being full of shit – he once even told me that dogs can’t look up.
