Don Cheadle is going to be in Avengers: Age of Ultron. He’s playing a “key role” in the flick. Now listen I’m not a genius and I wouldn’t bet (my own) money on this theory. But. This is my idea. I see no better way to have Tony don the armor again than having Ultron kill Rhodey with Stark’s own technology. I mean…right?

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Being a bro means many things. The word has decayed, transmuted, metamorphisized throughout the ages. The term has been passed from one culture to the next, each co-opting the sacred letters for their own means. Those who wield Thu’um have used the word for power, pain, and glory. At its truest essence, being a bro means coming through for another bro in moments of need. Strip away the smell of Milwaukee’s Beast, peel off the layers of Frat Hall grease, and you will find such a truth. So when Johnny Hotsauce said that The Tricky Thing Called Life was keeping him away from this column, I decided to be a bro. Help a bro. Make a bro. For life.

Now I’ll level with you. There are a couple things  I’m better at than Johnny Hotsauce. Eating sixteen pizzas in front of a disgusted family and tee-ball team.  Desperately shitting into a toilet four minutes before I have to teach a class and still making it before the bell rings. Torrents of man-chocolate glossing the ceramic throne, all while I’m counting seconds and checking Tumblr. However, writing a comic books column is where Hotsauce has me bested. By a considerable portion. So I supplicate myself before you folks. Accept my bro-powered offering until his return next week. I know I am not worthy, but I know I am a true bro.

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I don’t know why, but this is the hottest cosplay I’ve seen in eons. Something about the rarity of actually seeing Leeloo cosplay that works. This shit just works. And it ain’t just because I’ve spent the day in the steam rooms staring at butts while eating Mike and Ike’s.

Just another day in my life.

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Been a hot minute since I posted some gorgeous artwork. Artist Nate Hallinan has imagined our favorite band of muties as a gaggle of Medieval warriors. Led by none other than Lord Xavier, with a sexy as fuck beard.

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Jason Clarke is probably my favorite part of Zero Dark Thirty. That beard. That presence. Those shoulders! (Truthfully, I didn’t notice his shoulders but I bet they’re nice.) So yeah, cast his ass as John Connor. Get me interested.

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Fuck you,  Bethesda! Not releasing anything. Fuck you, Troll Guy who created the fake Fallout 4 website.. Fallout 4 is real and Fallout 4 is set in Massachusetts. I’m so fucking sprung right now. Typing with my painfully swollen nerd-dong. God, get this game in me already.

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Notch has got himself quite the life. Not that he ain’t earned it. How many people can look down the barrel of a job at Valve. Decline. Then turn around and pump out one of gaming’s cultural phenomenons?

At least one.

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Oh golly, these fucking bones. No wonder my asshole is leaking more than usual. The gray hairs are taking up serious residence on my dome-piece. I’m getting old. Not only am I aging like a motherfucker, but I’m getting reminders of my forthcoming senility too.

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Holy fuck. After Amazing Spider-Garfield 2’s righteous trailer last week, I’m now o-2 when it comes to predicting how much I’ll enjoy a movie’s cinematic cock tease. Didn’t expect to like the trailer for Godzilla, but here I am. Digging the visuals. Loving the tone. Appreciating what I believe is a cut for 2001’s OST.

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There is a good chance that I will never pass up the opportunity to feature Catwoman cosplay. Okay? So just enjoy it. Or mosey on your way. Mosey on!

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