‘Rick and Morty’ has been renewed for fucking SEVENTY episodes
This, this is fucking fantastic news. Sure, we probably won’t see a new Rick and Morty episode probably until 2021, and we will only see like thirty out of these seventy episodes due to some Harmon collapse, but I’m fucking pumped.
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Rumor: Peter Jackson is considering a a DC movie. This would have been great fucking news in 2001!
Peter Jackson, who by my very forgiving assessment hasn’t made a good movie since 2003, is considering directing a DC movie. I’m already anticipating laughing at some thirty-five minute extended CG sequence.
Rumor: ‘Borderlands 3’, ‘Gears of War 5’, ‘Just Cause 4’ and more leaked by Walmart’s Canadian website
Fucking classic uber-fail by Walmart’s Canadian website, folks. The Great White North’s iteration of the Big Box Blight leaked a slew of upcoming gaming titles. The only consolation? Most of them were already expected to be coming down the pipe.
Margot Robbie has officially joined Tarantino’s ‘Once Upon A Time In Hollywood’ with Burt Reynolds, Kurt Russell, and more in talks
The cast for Taratino’s ninth movie is shaping up to be fucking preposterous, my dudes. And, thus, my torqued-pants are equally as stretched in anticipation.
Jordan Peele’s next movie is titled ‘Us’ with Lupita Nyong’o, Winston Duke, and Elisabeth Moss in talks
Jesus fucking Christ, I cannot wait for Jordan Peele’s next movie. Which, by the way, is called Us. Oh! And, it’s dropping March 2019. But, wait! The rumored cast is also insane.
Dicklord Comcast trying to stop that Disney/Fox merger with its own bid. Potentially killing unified MCU wet dreams everywhere
Fucking Comcast, man. Trying to interrupt the fucking Disney/Fox merger with a bid of their own. Can you imagine if this monolithic turd salad actually pulled this off? Like, after we’ve, the unwashed MCU fanboys, have spent so many restless evenings jacking it to the thought of Wolverine in the Avengers? If we’re going to have the nauseating merger of two giant corporate entities, give me the one that results in Deadpool hanging out with Bucky. Not this bullshit.
‘Bill & Ted Face the Music’ is officially in production which is the most righteous news of the day
I just recently saw the Bill and Ted movies for the first time, and well. It was not unlike being introduced to a religion that really fucking speaks to you in the middle of a midlife crisis. So, I’m goddamn stoked for this third movie. Stoked!
Monday Morning Commute: a life anything but prescribed
He’d been told that as long as he maintained his regimen, he’d be able to keep pressin’ them down.
The flashbacks, that is.
When he was faithful, really faithful, to the routine his doctor’d advised him to keep, they weren’t that bad. Just sort of bleaked-out, occasional billboard-spotted-through-fog-
A moment of unpleasantness, for sure, but a moment. Just a moment. Without doubt.
But when he strayed? When he’d decided to listen to everyone who’d told him that he’d be a fool to keep listenin’ to a doctor who’d had his license revoked? When he’d had a lapse in conviction, cavin’ into the temptation to follow the advice of the squares and mouthbreathers and so-called respectable folks who’d never condescend to put their feet in his shoes, much less walk in them?
What then?
Well, the unpleasant moments felt like minutes and hours and days. The rainstorm that’d snuff out a cigarette would become a monsoon of memory, a typhoon of nausea. The fog’d part on the highway to reveal splatter-remains, and he’d be astrally-projected back into his younger self to relive the horror over and over and over and over.
Worse than you can imagine.
So he’d taken kind to dutifully following the orders of a doctor who’d had to flee the country. Long, long walks in hot, hot heat. Lots of water. Micro-doses of LSD before viewing Mel Brooks movies. Beer — never lite — in the early afternoon. Avoid ice cream. Avoid pharmaceuticals. Weed at nite only. Daily yogurt. Weekly trips to the demolition derby.
And it’d all helped. It didn’t make him better. But it’d made him better.
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Welcome to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE!
Now that you’ve endured a bit of my drivel-fiction, it’s time for us to discuss what we’ll all be up to this week. I’ll start, and then you hyperspace into the comments section and share what boredom-destroying, life-improving, depression-suppressing activities you’ll be rockin’!
Let’s go!
‘Arrested Development’ Season 5 Trailer: Returning May 29!
This one is out of left fucking field, folks! Many of us were wondering if a fifth season of Arrested Development was happening. But now we all know when it is!
‘Luke Cage’ Season 2 Trailer: Harlem’s Hero Gets Laid The Fuck Out
Luke Cage is back June 22, folks! And with this latest trailer, Marvel and Netflix are getting that hype-train rolling. By, uh, showing dude getting his ass served.
