[click to enlarge]

Frank Miller is fucking insane. And so while I don’t really think there’s any need for him to follow-up his graphic novel 300 with a prequel, Xerxes, I can’t help but be excited. The dude is superbatshit crazy! I mean, he wanted to write a comic book about Batman kicking the shit out of Al-Qaeda. So generally I’m going anywhere he’s going, just to see what sort of madness he’s going to bring to the table.

Miller spits some deets!

via slashfilm:

The time frame begins 10 years before ‘300′ and the story starts with the Battle of Marathon” … “The lead character is Themistocles, who became warlord of Greece and built their navy. The story is very different than ‘300′ in that it involves Xerxes search for godhood. The existence of gods are presupposed in this story and the idea is that he well on his way to godhood by the end of the story. With Themistocles I have a character who is almost the dead opposite of Leonidas in that Themistocles was a lying, conniving, brilliant, heroic figure. He was nicknamed ‘The Subtle Serpent’ and he always manages to do the exact right things that will result in him benefiting greatly.

[via diversitile, click to enlarge]

These things are super hawt. Like, ohmaigawd. Like I said when I was busy gushing over Nike’s Bioshock kicks, I can’t wear these. Size 15 feet. Freakishly large. It’s up to you chaps to buy a set of these, so I can live vicariously through you.

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Welcome to Variant Covers, the joint where every week I glance at a Release List for the comic books coming out and mention anything that catches my eye in the world of Telekinesis, Perpetual Resurrections, and Really Firm Pectorals, Buttocks, and Breasts. Or generally, that’s what I do. But seeing as this is my column, fuck it, I’m going to do whatever I want to. Let not the column dictate my writing, let my writing dictate the column! Or some shit. Word.

Memorial Day and a five-week month have seemingly conspired to draw a really fucking boring week on my ass. I say this full aware that people who are reading this are probably excited for roughly nineteen titles and think I’m a complete dickhead. Whatever. Like I say every week what are you reading? Recommend something to me. I’ll read it, I’ll even probably enjoy it. But on a budget that is stuffed with comics and countless energy drinks, I don’t take many risks on my own. That said, the comic books are coming late this week, and what are coming don’t really catch my attention.

Nonetheless, it always saddens me when shit comes out a day late in the Comicverse. Fucking Memorial Day! I’ll trade a day of eating lobsters and drinking for the ability to snag my funny books on time. Who stops shipments of anything, anyways? This America! Dost Capitalism dare slow down for something as insignificant as recognizing those who have fallen for our right to pound Double Gulps and watch endless repeats of Sportcenter as we bloat and fart? [If you don’t get my sarcasm just close the window. I beg you.

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Cosplay Fever
You know it’s either a slow week or an awesome week when one of the most geeked out things I’m interested in is a compendium of all things cosplay. Cosplay is also amazing in my book. It operates on so many levels of rock, that it takes something calamitous for it to fail me. If the cosplay is awesome, it’s generally a woman or man wearing way too little and giving convention goers a look at some flesh. If the cosplay is terrible, then it works on a car crash sort of way. Either way, it is something to be entertained by.

I’ll never forget the four-hundred pound Jean Grey I saw at last year’s New York Comicon. She was a bulging sea of green and red. As I was sitting in line, it was probably the gravitational pull of her various oceanic waves of cellulite that caught my eye. But I was transfixed. Whatever sort of superfabric she was wearing was screaming for relief. Pulled so tight, it captured every cottage-cheese dimple across her biomass. I thought it was astounding. The lady was tremendous because either a) She didn’t give a fuck about her figure, she was dressing up. I respect that. Or b) she as delusional and thought she had it going on. Like I said, either way, kudos.

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Since I usually spend my time commenting on comic books that are coming out, as opposed to that I’m digging on, I don’t get to highlight titles rocking my ass. Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne is currently deeply embedded in the windings halls of my fanboy heart. Morrison has the Man of Flying Rats tripping through time. It’s fucking odd, which I suppose isn’t anything new from a writer who has thought he’s communed with aliens. Wayne is falling through time, while also posing as a Biorganic Archivist at the end of linear timespace? Or something? Like I said, it’s insane. But it’s also an enjoyable examination of myths and superstitions throughout various timelines, from that of cavemen to the witch trials. Seeing how humanity has a tendency to make the supernatural out of what cannot be easily explained, and how fears play on one’s ability to reason clearly.

It’s super odd, and really, really different from the usual superhero event.

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I used to love me some Mark Millar. And to an extent I still do, though I’m beginning to grow tired of his formula. Super Vulgarity + Super Violence + “Superheroes in the Real World” x Infinity Comic books. But despite my Millar-Fatigue, I’m sort of excited for another creator owned title of his. Because I’m a worthless fanboy.

via cbr

Mark Millar and Leinil Francis Yu have announced “Superior,” a new, creator-owned project that will be hitting stores in October 2010. While little is known about the series at this time other than the title, Millar has provided CBR with an exclusive look at these 5 teaser posters for the project.

Perhaps Millar is taking on a more uplifting approach with this comic? The teasers seem pretty dismal, and a bit provocative. It’d be nice to see Millar take on something that isn’t all doom and gloom, or rather convey a message that isn’t “LOL, Superdeath!!!!”, but maybe I’m just overreacting. His run on Old Man Logan certainly posited a flower amidst a wasteland. Like I said, I can’t help but be intrigued.

I love me some Mass Effect. And while I don’t think there’s anything in the cards for a Mass Effect MMO (as of yet, mind you), the idea of being able to romp around with fellow space-nerd-cadets in the Mass Effect universe makes me tingly and grin like a fucking asshole.

via kotaku:

A job listing reveals that Mass Effect developer BioWare Montreal is looking for a multiplayer programmer to “take existing single player user experiences and make them multiplayer safe.” Is Mass Effect going multiplayer?

…

“Multiplayer Programmers ensure the game engine and game systems work reliably and efficiently in a multiplayer environment. They work with both the front and back ends to take existing single player user experiences and make them multiplayer safe.”

…

It’s no confirmation, but then what else is BioWare working on that would require a multiplayer programmer? Right now they’ve got Dragon Age, Star Wars: The Old Republic, and Mass Effect, and the job posting singles out Mass Effect.

No confirmation, but it certainly suggests something in the works, no? Righteous. Most righteous.

Despite hating Kate for something around six seasons and seventeen levels of ferocity, I had to appreciate this.

[via oh have you seen this]

[via only the young die young]

The idea of her touching me around that region actually makes the threat seem a-okay. Where’s Monday Morning Commute? In your ass! Shit is on hiatus this week. Pepsibones is in Vermont, I’m sitting in the sun, and the rest of the Empire is celebrating Memorial Day. If it’s nice in your neck of the woods, go grab some toxic rays and drink your alcoholic or caffeinated (or both) beverage of your choice.

Regular banality resumes tomorrow.