Variant Covers: Memorial Day Malaise

Adventure Comics Vol 2 #12

Welcome to Variant Covers, the joint where every week I glance at a Release List for the comic books coming out and mention anything that catches my eye in the world of Telekinesis, Perpetual Resurrections, and Really Firm Pectorals, Buttocks, and Breasts. Or generally, that’s what I do. But seeing as this is my column, fuck it, I’m going to do whatever I want to. Let not the column dictate my writing, let my writing dictate the column! Or some shit. Word.

Memorial Day and a five-week month have seemingly conspired to draw a really fucking boring week on my ass. I say this full aware that people who are reading this are probably excited for roughly nineteen titles and think I’m a complete dickhead. Whatever. Like I say every week what are you reading? Recommend something to me. I’ll read it, I’ll even probably enjoy it. But on a budget that is stuffed with comics and countless energy drinks, I don’t take many risks on my own. That said, the comic books are coming late this week, and what are coming don’t really catch my attention.

Nonetheless, it always saddens me when shit comes out a day late in the Comicverse. Fucking Memorial Day! I’ll trade a day of eating lobsters and drinking for the ability to snag my funny books on time. Who stops shipments of anything, anyways? This America! Dost Capitalism dare slow down for something as insignificant as recognizing those who have fallen for our right to pound Double Gulps and watch endless repeats of Sportcenter as we bloat and fart? [If you don’t get my sarcasm just close the window. I beg you.


Cosplay Fever!

Cosplay Fever
You know it’s either a slow week or an awesome week when one of the most geeked out things I’m interested in is a compendium of all things cosplay. Cosplay is also amazing in my book. It operates on so many levels of rock, that it takes something calamitous for it to fail me. If the cosplay is awesome, it’s generally a woman or man wearing way too little and giving convention goers a look at some flesh. If the cosplay is terrible, then it works on a car crash sort of way. Either way, it is something to be entertained by.

I’ll never forget the four-hundred pound Jean Grey I saw at last year’s New York Comicon. She was a bulging sea of green and red. As I was sitting in line, it was probably the gravitational pull of her various oceanic waves of cellulite that caught my eye. But I was transfixed. Whatever sort of superfabric she was wearing was screaming for relief. Pulled so tight, it captured every cottage-cheese dimple across her biomass. I thought it was astounding. The lady was tremendous because either a) She didn’t give a fuck about her figure, she was dressing up. I respect that. Or b) she as delusional and thought she had it going on. Like I said, either way, kudos.


Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne

Since I usually spend my time commenting on comic books that are coming out, as opposed to that I’m digging on, I don’t get to highlight titles rocking my ass. Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne is currently deeply embedded in the windings halls of my fanboy heart. Morrison has the Man of Flying Rats tripping through time. It’s fucking odd, which I suppose isn’t anything new from a writer who has thought he’s communed with aliens. Wayne is falling through time, while also posing as a Biorganic Archivist at the end of linear timespace? Or something? Like I said, it’s insane. But it’s also an enjoyable examination of myths and superstitions throughout various timelines, from that of cavemen to the witch trials. Seeing how humanity has a tendency to make the supernatural out of what cannot be easily explained, and how fears play on one’s ability to reason clearly.

It’s super odd, and really, really different from the usual superhero event.


Brightest Day #3

Brightest Day #3
The newest issue of the bi-weekly Brightest Day drops this week, which leads to the inevitable question: how are ya’ll diggin’ on the new shiny DC and Marvel universes? Sure, they’ve just gotten started, but how is the Heroic Age or the Bright and Pleasant Day treating you? The Heroic Age seems premises more on a return to the old school way of doing things, while Brightest Day is hooking people in with the whole “Holy craps, why is Aquaman back from the dead?”

Either way, I’m enjoying seeing Steve Rogers lay the pimp slap down on some perpetrators. Which reminds me, out of all nine-thousand Avengers books that are just starting since the Heroic Age kicked off, I really dug on Secret Avengers #1 by Ed Brubaker and Mike Deodato. It’s a bit of an eclectic cast, and fuck, the end of the first episode has the team on Mars. If you’re looking for a team book, I heartily shove this down your throat.

And that’s about it. Fucking five-week months and Memorial Day. It’s enough of a lull for me to want to explore the outside world. Put on my warface and enter out of the dungeon where I pen drivel and stare at cosplay. What are you guys digging on? What upcoming events are you looking forward to?