Somewhere around 5AM I Googled “Paul Pope” and stumbled across Comics from Mars #2. Apparently it’s Pope’s newest addition to the THB universe and an exclusive at this weekend’s Baltimore Comic Con. I’ve only dabbled in THB, as I was planning on waiting for the huge collections rather than hunting down issues from the hidden realm of comix.

But bleary eyed, tiring, and a willing gulper of Pulphope-flavored Kool-Aid, you better believe I ordered me one of these.

Today marks the 15th anniversary of Summerslam `95. Although the card was pretty much filler, it was redeemed by one of the greatest matches of all time – the second ladder match between Shawn Michaels and Razor Ramon. A rematch of their Wrestlemania X bout, these guys upped the ante by rocking two ladders and incorporating them into their signature moves.

Hit the jump to relive the pinnacle of professional wrestling.

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I always thought that dark matter was something that was made up. Like, some astrophysicist had a bad day, realized every equation they were working on was broken, and used something from a copy of Fantastic Four to fix everything. DARK MATTER. But I don’t know anything. I’m not an astrophysicist, I can’t even do math. Though I can read comic books. So, so well.

Well, apparently, NASA has taken a picture that gives us a glimpse at dark matter? Maybe?

Nasa via io9:

In their new study, the science team used images from Hubble to examine a massive cluster of galaxies, named Abell 1689, which acts as a magnifying, or gravitational, lens. The gravity of the cluster causes galaxies behind it to be imaged multiple times into distorted shapes, sort of like a fun-house mirror reflection that warps your face.

Using these distorted images, the scientists were able to figure out how light from the more distant, background galaxies had been bent by the cluster – a characteristic that depends on the nature of dark energy. Their method also depends on precise ground-based measurements of the distance and speed at which the background galaxies are traveling away from us. The team used these data to quantify the strength of the dark energy that is causing our universe to accelerate.

I have no idea if this is real or fluff, okay? I don’t possess the knowledge base to analyze the commentary, but I know it pretty much amounts to “Pretty cool theory may actually not be full of shit. May actually still be full of shit, though.” It sounds fun and the picture is pretty though! So there’s that!

As you may or may not know, Pepsibones and I live under the same roof. The result is a lot of absurd conversations, and oodles of wasted time.

Today as I was trying to pump out Press Start!, the Bones was in my room. I walked out for a moment to throw away a Diet Mountain Dew bottle. As I returned, he was in the middle of tipping a lamp over on himself. I caught him, I was too quick for his old man bones.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I asked him.

“The lamp was attacking me. It was a lamp attack.” He informed me.

This is about par for the course in one of our conversations.

“What the fuck is a lamp attack?” I inquired.

“It’s when a lamp loses its mind and attacks you.”

He seemed deadly serious.

He then proceeded to insist on showing me what it looks like when a lamp attacks a person. As you can see, it is not pretty in the least. Watch out for the lamps, yo. They’re eying you.

Oh shit! Now, these kicks aren’t specifically referenced as Tron sneakers. So maybe they’re not really Tron-themed. They’re called Nike Lunar Mariahs. But let’s be honest, they’re a perfect compliment to anything Tron. Get them, wank off to your VHS of the original movie, and await the sequel with panting lungs.

Welcome ya’ll to your den of nerd iniquity. A palace of horrors so wretched, you’re going to beg to have your mind-raped by a less absurd nerd. This is Press Start!, the gaming column of your nightmares. Every Friday I run down the top five things that caught my All Seeing Eye this week in the world of Blast Processing and Super-FX chips. The list is in no particular order, and it reflects nothing in the ways of ranking importance in the gaming community. That would necessitate a keen eye and analytical powers. I’m raw nerd stupidity, yo. Hit the comments box with your nerd highlights of the week.

#1: Nerd Organizes Legit Orgy Around PAX Convention
The gaming convention organized by the dudes from Penny Arcade is pretty righteous unto itself. A place where nerds can congregate. You know, sweat profusely, wear cosplay that shows folds and flaps of skin no other human being wants to see, and play some unreleased video games. I ain’t trying to sound disparaging, I would actually give a flank of skin to be able to fly out to Seattle and indulge in this creamy gaming goodness.

But I’m broke and Mom says at 27 I can’t get an allowance no moh’. Fuck.

So even with all this awesomeness, one dude has seen fit to kick the nerd depravity up a fucking notch. A chap even a bit more salacious than myself. He’s organizing a fucking orgy for nerds during the convention. Interest? Well, hit up his Craigslist advertisement and get in on the debauchery.

How fucking radical is this shit? I mean, seriously. After a long day of awesome Q&A Panels, video game playing, perhaps a nerd concert, what’s the best way to unwind? By gathering with a bunch of other like-minded individuals and filling a room with fluids and the stank of nerd balls and vaginas.

As perhaps predicted, the dude has already updated the Craigslist Ad with something along the lines of “Eh yo! Horny Dudes! There’s like a zillion of you, and unless we’re going to get into a wonderful chain 69 of dude on dude action, I gotta stop taking your replies and wait for some chicks to get in on this goodness.”

Please God, someone at least go to this for inquisitive means and get back to me. You don’t have to partake, you just must take notes. A casual observer.

—-

#2: Talented Dude Recreates Sonic Level In Gorgeous 2.5D Widescreen
Being a fan of Sonic the Hedgehog is tough. Like, real tough. With a solid decade of suckery under his belt, any glowing feelings I had for him have eroded. Like a dudebro’s chances of getting into that PAX Orgy. Dried up in withered in a puddle of tears. But videos like this bring me back to the hay-day of Sonicy goodness. A good chap by the name of BlobVanDam went out of his way to recreate Sonic & Knuckle’s Mushroom Hill Zone in glorious modern visuals.

I don’t know what sort of Gaming Voodoo or Black Geek Magic he employed to recreate the level, but it’s a fleeting glimpse into what every single failed Sonic game in the past painful ten years should have looked like. It’s side-scrolling bonery. Dear Sega, we just want to run really fucking fast collecting things as one of the greatest examples of X-TREME 1990’S culture. I want to fly furiously through a level of Sonic the Hedgehog and then read some Rob Liefeld X-Force.

Like the good ole days.

When I wasn’t getting rejected for nerd orgies.

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Confession time! Despite loving BioWare and everything they produce, I haven’t played Dragon Age: Origins. I know, I fucking fail. So hard, that it makes comprehension of said failure almost impossible to grasp. That said, the recently released Director’s Cut trailer for Dragon Age II has me losing my god damn mind.

It’s got almost everything that gives me a boner in life: a bad-ass dude with a ridiculously large weapon, power metal cords, and slow-motion combat. It’s god damn amazing. I was planning on conquering Dragon Age: Origins prior to the sequel dropping, and now I’m really fighting the urge to throw aside my backlog and play the son of a bitch.

I’m losing my cool with fervor, yo! Do need.

Hit the jump for the trailer.

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Oh shit! The future is about to arrive, and none of us are fucking ready! As it is scientifically known, Back to the Future provided a glimpse into the true future. I know we’ve been clamoring for it, and it has taken a while, but the first signs of its arrival is about to rear its head.

Self-tying sneakers. Fuck yes.

Deadspin:

The automatic lacing system provides a set of straps that can be automatically opened and closed to switch between a loosened and tightened position of the upper. The article further includes an automatic ankle cinching system that is configured to automatically adjust an ankle portion of the upper.

Welcome to the fucking future. It’s deliciously swank in here.

[Views From The Space-Ship, aka Desktop Tuesdays, aka Desktop Thursdays  is a (theoretically) weekly column where show you my worlds. Both real and virtual. Then, I invite you to share your own worlds in the comments!]

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[images & words is the comic book pick-of-the-week at OL. equal parts review and diatribe, the post highlights the most memorable/infuriating/entertaining book released that wednesday]

Spoilers Ahead. Forreal.

3. 2. 1. Blast off!

Once I’ve escaped Earth’s gravitational pull, I fire up the hyperdrive. I shoot past the moon, past Neptune, past the limits of our damn solar system. I disengage the primary thrusters and find myself in the middle an interstellar storm. I careen past stray panels and pixilated nuclear explosions and bits of what was once a moon. I could’ve sworn that I had set the proper coordinates. But my eyes are telling me different.

So are my onboard monitors. I watch the Galactic Positioning System power down, turning all of the maps and sequencers and frames of reference into nothing more than an abysmal black screen. A moment later, the GPS reboots. When the screen settles, it tells me that myth has become fact.

[You have reached Omega Level]

///

This week’s comic of choice is Batman #702.

I won’t lie; the decision to feature this book might be yet another testament to my dwindling sanity.

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