Images & Words – Batman and Robin #16
[images & words is the comic book pick-of-the-week at OL. equal parts review and diatribe, the post highlights the most memorable/infuriating/entertaining book released that wednesday]
Nuclear threats. Satanic rituals. Daddy issues. Drug binges. Time travel. Ass-kickings.
No, I’m not calculating the formula for a Megadeth record, I’m listing some of the shenanigans that appear in Batman and Robin #16. Grant Morrison concludes his duties on the title by bringing Bruce Wayne back from the dead (or temporal instability, but same difference) and making unprecedented changes to the Bat-mythos. It’s fuggin’ wonderful.
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Search Engine Terms: Breasts Vomiting
[Search Engine Terms come from an app in the Word Press dashboard. It tells you the terms that people are using in google to lead to your site. Most of ours are ultra depraved and horrible. And amusing to sick people like me.]
Well then, apparently I’ve learned a new (impossible) fetish.
Good Lord! Fans Spend 58 Years Updating New Vegas Wiki In ONE Week.
I absolutely love the Fallout: New Vegas wiki. ‘Cause yes, despite my griping, I’m totally into the video game. I don’t contribute anything to it, but I’m ecstatic that every time I have a question about a quest or a location, I can hit up the site and it’ll do my bidding. I’ve always been amazed at how fucking dedicate the people updating it are. Now I know specifically how god damn insane these fellow wastelanders’ work ethic happens to be. In the first week of the game’s release, there were 475,000 man-hours logged on the FNV wiki.
Jesus Christ.
Destructoid:
According to the magic of traffic-measurement tools, it seems that the unofficial Fallout: New Vegas wiki logged over 475,000 man-hours work within less than a week of the game’s release. Traffic spikes hit Wikia’s servers harder than a ground zero detonation, registering some 2.5 million visitors over that period – seven times the normal amount for the network. Fans created and edited hundreds upon hundreds of pages of information full of everything from quest walkthroughs and item locations to obscure trivia and bug reports.
Kudos, you hard working dorks! Now get back to slaving away on it, I have questions. That need answers. Now!
Voldemort And Death Eaters Attack Grand Central Station On Halloween; Cosplay x Infinity
On Halloween, Lord Voldemort and the Death Eaters rolled up into Grand Central Station. What followed was some pretty fucking awesome improv. I don’t know how these troupes pull off such impressive states of acting within public places, but I’ll be goddamned if I don’t love watching it unfold.
Hit the jump for the video of Voldemort laying down some terror in New York City.
Microsoft Kinect Launches Today; It Still Sucks!
Ah, it is finally here. The day that Microsoft launches Kinect. The device that lets you karate chop, finger-bang animals, and Minority Report your way to dumbassery. Thank goodness. I was waiting for it to come out. That way my annoyance can reach critical mass. I had to slap down my Nana today for dropping a banana peel. Her head spun around like a god damn Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robot. As she writhed on the ground, I tried to explain myself.
Sorry Nana, video games made me do it. It’s the new motion controls! They’re a bad influence! I just want to karate chop everything. I can’t tell real from fake anymore. It’s the violence! No, don’t you dare call my psychiatrist! They’ll never take me alive! Alive!
Then I dove out the window. I am typing this under shelter of fallen leaves and raindrops. Wi-Fi is a helluva thing.
But seriously Kinect can go fuck itself. I’ve never felt so little excitement over an add-on. And this is coming from the guy who bought a Sega CD and a 32X. I totally had to have them.
Dropping an honest bomb on your ass, a part of Kinect appeals to me. As a technology whore, I can be a turned on by the idea of manipulating menus with my hands. I would love to totally don my duster jacket, sweet reflective shades, and pretend I’m in Neuromancer. I can imagine the hours I’d spend manipulating the dashboard, while manipulating my dong-bot. Enhance! I’d say. Enhance! I’d command. Sure nothing would happen, but I’d be living out a Gibsonian dream that I’ve fantasized about for years.
Hand manipulation? Facial recognition? Speech commands? It’s something out of my wet dreams.
The problem is that I simply don’t give a fuck about the games. I own a Wii. It sits in the corner, gathering dust. Every once in a while I take a moment to demean it.
You underpowered piece of shit! Where’s your HD? LOL AT YOU. YOUR PENIS IS SMALL AND YOUR BREATH STINKS. STINKS.
It only murmurs, hurtfully.
I don’t need to spend a $150 for something whose only marketing value to me is a sweet-ass way to get through a dashboard. I don’t need to pet animals, or do dance moves, or play tennis. I can do all that shit in real life. And if you know anything about me, it’s that I pet animals daily. That’s not to mention the fact that my dance moves are fucking elite. Seriously, I cut a rug like a son of a bitch. White guy funk drizzled in insanity, motherfuckers.
It’s a sweet ass piece of technology that beckons to me, like a Siren’s Call. But underneath that is the fact that it’s a gimmicky utensil of bullshit. If I’m being completely honest, they’ve almost won me over. Not for $150, but the allure of gadget-stroking. Perhaps my vitriol is so manifest because I can see myself staring down the chasm of douchery. It calls to me, yet I know how much I detest a good portion of what it stands for.
Stay strong, fight the fight. Say no to gimmicky motion controls, even if they harbor the allure of living within science fiction orgasm. You don’t need to play hopscotch with your grandma and grandpa. I promise.
New Sucker Punch Trailer Is Adolescent Bonerfying Awesomeness. I’M SOLD.
I need to stop hating on Zack Snyder. For, you know, destroying Pepsibones’ most beloved graphic novel of all time. Why? ‘Cause after seeing the newest trailer for Sucker Punch, something has become apparent. Zack Snyder and I both share the same mindset. Apparently we are both over-sexed permanent thirteen year-olds. We like hot chicks, mechs, karate swords, and slow motion. A lot. The trailer is so fucking base, so retarded, so generic, so fucking amazing. Somehow I can watch it while knowing that it’s mindless, dick-stroking babe objectification and cheeseball pandering, and not just like it. But sweat it. Sweat it with a bulge in my pants that commands thunder and perhaps pity. It is a thunderously small portion of little boy meat.
I want to hang out with Zack Snyder, Rob Liefeld, and Dude Huge at the same time so badly. We’ll all snort viagra and run around an arcade wearing Gears of War armor and pointing and screaming at every set of tits we see. Then Liefeld will try and draw the boobs we see, and they’ll all have broken backs, enormous jugs, and cloven feet. To dream. To dream.
Hit the jump to be fucking x-treme and check out the trailer.
Bruce Wayne Drops Bat-Bomb Reveal In Today’s Batman & Robin #16
Alright, so I’ve sinned. I began coming across a lot of the inter-chatter on Twitter and comic book websites regarding a megaton bomb that drops today in B&R #16. So, despite having not read it – Pepsibones is snagging the OL log today – I cheated and looked it up. My impressions? Eh! Not really blown away, but that doesn’t mean I object. Hit the jump for the spoiler!, and my take.
Augemented Reality Star Wars Game Drops On iPhone; Tie Fighters In Your Cityscape!
Gawd dang! This shit is the hotness. Behold the resplendent glory that is Star Wars: Falcon Gunner by Vertigore Games. The game uses augmented reality gorgeousness to allow you to blast Tie Fighters in your cityscape. Or I assume backyard(scape) or ice hockey rink(scape). Hit the jump to check this out in motion.
