David Jaffe Disses Media For Wanking Off Artsy Games. Yes.
David Jaffe shoots from the hip, and that hip looks a lot like my heart. Last year, I was a bit confused as to why so many people were wanking off, splooging over, and generally orgasming on the face of the XBLA title Limbo. Frankly, I thought it was a piece of boring minimalist bullshit. Disagree? Well, good for you. Maybe you can still appreciate the hot fire that Jaffe is spitting regarding the media and their love for shitty artsy-fartsy games.
19 Comments »
Inception Done In Sixty Seconds In Papercraft. Swoon.
This is Inception In Sixty Seconds done by Wolfgang Matz for a competition of the same theme. It’s been around since Friday on the internet, which by our standards makes it beyond old. Crusty. Withered. Dusty. But I don’t like to ball as hard here on the blog during the weekend. So consider it a late to the party entry.
Hit the jump for the video.
The Moon’s Got A Sexy Rearside.
Images & Words – Captain Swing #3
[images & words is the comic book pick-of-the-week at OL. equal parts review and diatribe, the post highlights the most memorable/infuriating/entertaining book released that wednesday]
Sometimes a narrative’s theme is so compelling that the accompanying flaws and lapses itself can be forgiven. Hell, sometimes the golden idea, the kernel of truth lodged in the ventricle of the story, is so powerful that the plot becomes secondary. It’s welcomed to ride shotgun, but sure as hell ain’t wrestling away the wheel from the thematic content.
Such is the case with Captain Swing and the Electrical Pirates of Cindery Island.
Press Start!: Drinking With Video Games and Drug Binges.
Prepare thyself for the newest iteration of Press Start! The column where I puke up the top five things in the gaming world that caught my eye this week. It’s a democratic column, I want your input. Hit the comments box with your findings. True Believers! Gaming scientists!
—-
#1: Drunken NES: A Breathalyzer and 8-Bit Game In One.
This is one of those concoctions that fucking staggers me. It sends me into a spiralling moment of quasi-stoner amazement. Someone had to think up this brilliant piece of minutiae. Imagine this, if you can. Enterprising video game mechanical programming wizards had a dream. Their dream was simple. First, they had to make a breathalyzer out of an original Nintendo Entertainment System cartridge. No small task! I have it on good authority many a modern day Prometheus has been felled by such a challenge.
Then, they had to craft a video game for the original Nintendo Entertainment System – yes I’m typing it out to be awkward – that could interface with this creation. By blowing your disgusting Oats and Hops stink-rot-gut-breath into the cartridge, the game would then calculate the level of your drunken stupor and rate your inebriated ass in 8-Bit glory.
It’s fucking radical.
—-
#2: Uncharted 3’s Villainess Revealed; Wrinkled Old Hottie.
Fuck yeah I like my gaming occasionally in the form of a megaton zillion-dollar production value big blockbuster. Fuck yeah! You disagree. Oh okay! You go have fun shaving in Heavy Rain or playing Limbo and waxing intellectual about how it’s totally ambient and deconstructs the medium and blah, blah, blah. I’m fucking amplified for Uncharted 3. Boom. Can’t wait. I say deliver me from boring fetch quests! I say deliver me from conversation wheels. Just for a bit. Throw me into the comforting bosom of gaming entertainment excess.
And in relation to this excess, this week Naughty Dog revealed the villainess behind Nathan Drake’s woes. Meet Katherine Marlowe. She’s a bit of a hottie for an older women, isn’t she? She’s voiced by Elizabeth Hurley, but she gets me tingling like Helen Mirren. Some cavernous old cleavage and wields power to boot. Is it November 1, yet?
—-
#3: Microsoft Sells A Shitload of Kinects; Gets Punked.
It was an up and down week for our buddy Billy Gates’ company. Though I have to say their good news far outweighs the little bit of hacking righteousness that they were subjected to. You see, when you can lay claim to having the fastest selling electronic device ever, I’m sure everything glows.
This week it was announced that the Microsoft Kinect has sold ten million units. As well, Microsoft has moved ten million Kinect games. Wrap that shit around your brain-piece for a second. Since its release on November 4, 2010 it has averaged 133,333 units sold a day. Fastest device ever. More than your Apple iPhone, iPad, iMac, iThing, iMinimalist Swag.
However, it wasn’t all fucking roses for Microsoft this week! No sir. Hackers cracked the algorithm that generated the seemingly random numbers on the back of MS Points cards. You know, those cards you buy so you can spend the equivalent of $5 on a lightsaber for your avatar. Or so you can download that fucking shitty Dead Space 2 DLC (not that I’m bitter).
Being the benevolent hackers that they were, they used this algorithm to generate over 1 million dollars worth of points. Fantastic! It was short-lived as Microsoft said they killed all those points generated, but still, man! Lock that shit down, Microsoft! I paid good fucking money for my Mass Effect M7 t-shirt for my avatar. No fucking freebies!
—-
Japanese Politician Wants To Ban Violent Video Games In Tokyo.
Sometimes I find it comforting to know that my country isn’t the only country full of douchebag human beings incapable of correctly appropriating responsibility and guilt. It isn’t just my country that is crusading against violence in video games instead of crusading for better and healthier understandings of reality for all, and better means of ensuring parents don’t suck fumes from mufflers and pick their teeth with their own pubes.
If a Japanese politician has his way, Japan or more specifically Tokyo will be comfortably rubbing up against us.
WEEKEND OPEN BAR: Time To Put Down Watchmen, Fanboys.
[WEEKEND OPEN BAR: The one-stop ramble-about-anything weekend post at OL. Comment on the topic at hand. Tell us how drunk you are. Describe a comic you bought. This is your chance to bring the party.]
A couple of weeks ago I was talking to a few fellow graduate students waiting for a class to begin. They were all talking about what their final thesis was going to be on, when I decided to spurt nerd juice all over the crowd. “I want to work with comic books for mine”, I said. I wasn’t stunting, it’s my geeky aspiration. An unimpressive woman with no chin turned and smiled at me. “Oh, you mean graphic novels.” The smile lingered. In my mind, fantasies of spin-kicks and flawless victories danced about. Her chin shattered into a thousand pixels of hate, her smile evaporated and an announcer bellowed “KO!”
I returned the smile and informed her no, I very much meant comic books. No need to dress it up in the high-brow artsy-fartsy name.
When she assailed the cred of my favorite medium, the first thing I wanted to do was pull out the typical parry. Watchmen. It’s at the tip of every fanboy’s tongue when the medium of comic books comes under assault. If it isn’t the first thing, it’s surely the second. Watchmen, Watchmen, Watchmen. Considered one of the greatest novels of all time. Deconstructs the superhero. Blah, blah, blah. Commentary on the conflict of ideologies in the Cold War. Blah blah. Watchmen, Watchmen, Watchmen.
But I didn’t say anything, I was tired of using that usual comic book as a defense. It was then that I realized: we need to come up with new stalwarts. New examples. We need to put Watchmen down.
FRESH, Check Out The New ‘Super 8’ Poster.
Yeah son, yeah! Did you check out the Super 8 trailer? Did it make you feel like you were staring at Ronald Reagan on television as President, and worshipping at the feet of Hulk Hogan before he was a bloated orange hot dog ready to burst?
Then hit the jump and check out the poster for it that has dropped.
Batman: Arkham City Droppin’ October 18; Bat Bulge!
Batman: Arkham City is officially dropping on October 18. What the fuck, Eidos! You had to release Arkham City right before the teeth of the gaming season. Son of a bitch. It would have been so much nicer to drop this dime in the middle of the summer. I could have kicked back, not worried about the deluge of games coming, and slowly manipulated my controller to the sight of Selina Kyle all done up in her latex and the such. Would have been astounding.
Hit the jump for some new images of this beast.
The Trailer For Super 8 Is Here. So Are Goosebumps.
Oh man. Shave off your pubes, pretend you’re not obsessed with death and sex, and prepare to hit the wayback machine. The trailer for J.J. Abrams’ Super 8 has arrived, and it is every bit the Spielbergian homage that I was hoping for.
Hit the jump, check out the video.
Then let me know your impressions.
