Multiple Sites: New Nintendo Console To Revealed Before Or At E3.
Firing off with the hotness! Multiple websites are blowing up today with the same rumor: the successor to Nintendo’s Wii will be revealed at or before E3. E-gads! Get it? Fuck me!
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Japanese Game Has Teacher Taking Students To Love Motels. Ah, Japan.
Listen, I don’t frequent boards or really delve into the underbelly of Japanese gaming, so when these stories are mainstreamed, I fucking love them. In Gachitora! ~Hooligan Teacher in High School, you control a thug who through means I haven’t divined becomes a high school teacher. The thug Torao Kaji, then does what seems obvious: tries to lure students and their moms into shitty hotels.
Movie Theater Chains Threatening To Boycott Blockbusters Over VOD? Yeah, Okay.
You can chalk this news story up to some of the most wondrous blustering you’ll see anywhere. Major theater chains are threatening to not play serious summer blockbusters, pissed because Universal, Sony, Warner Bros., and 20th Century Fox have agreed “to a new Premium Video On Demand service.” Mentioned last year, this service will kick off on this month on DirecTV.
Young Stars Are Much Cuter Than Human Newborns. IJAF!
Enlarge. | Via.
Everyone’s always pimping their new born kids. Don’t get me wrong, some are goddamn adorable. Usually in tight correlation with their parents’ appearance. Some kids though, are man. Just woof. Eighteen years removed from sitting at the prom drinking by themselves and staring at taut asses they can’t get near.
Anonymous Promises ‘Biggest Attack’ Coming On Sony.
Listen man, just because Geohot sold out and settled out of court with Sony, it don’t mean that Anonymous is done with them. No fucking sir! In fact, they’re promising their biggest attack yet.
DEFEAT. 029 – Major Problems
[DEFEAT. is Rendar Frankenstein’s truest attempt at fiction. Presented in weekly episodes, the novella tells the tale of Daryl Millar – a hero who dies at the intersection of pop culture, science-fiction, war epic, and fantasy]
Captain Ryan Major took a long, hard drag from his cigarette. The nicotine felt good on his tongue and the smoke the felt good in his lungs. He held his breath as long as he could, sliding his pursed lips into a smile and savoring every second. With his eyes closed and the early-morning sunbeams hitting his face, Major could’ve sworn that he was back in Myrtle Beach.
Yeah, for a moment he was absolutely sure that he was once again waking up on the porch of his mama’s South Carolina home, locked out after a long night of drinking beer and chasing tail.
Losing himself in the moment, the captain kept his eyes closed as he chuckled and exhaled. He brought his quivering left hand to his face, returning the cigarette to his eager lips. He then ran his bloody right hand through his hair, staining the blonde locks in the process. Major wanted to believe that if his eyelids never parted he’d never have to leave this imagined South Carolina. Maybe he could stay there, eating fat slabs of bacon after finally being let into the house by his ever-forgiving mama.
Hell, Major could practically taste the imaginary cup of coffee when he heard real keys jingle. He knew that the construct of his mind’s eye was no substitute for his home, and it was now proving itself to be more lackluster than ever. If he was going to die that day, Major figured that he’d rather face a terrible reality than have his fantasy further compromised.
With a principled resignation, Captain Ryan Major flicked away the butt of his cigarette and opened his eyes.
One of Saturn’s Moon Got Itself A Face Only Momma Loves.
Variant Covers: Comic Books and the Infinite Adolescence!
Yo! Welcome to Variant Covers. This is the weekly column where I kick you my pull list for the week, and you spit back at me with yours. There’s too many titles to keep up with and buy on a weekly basis, so don’t nerdfroth if your favorite comic isn’t here. It’s part of the fun, send the recommendation my way.
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Breakneck #1.
Comic books are a crapshoot. The market is flooded, and as I’ve often intimated, there’s too much good shit out there. Sometimes things fall by the wayside, and I’m not a perfect dude! Take for example Breakneck #1. I came across the title when searching for a sweet header image. I thought the artwork was fantastic, and pressed I carried on my way. Snagged it, cropped it, didn’t think of even promoting it until a reader pointed out the douchery behind that in the comments section. Douchery, indeed. My bad.
Dropping this week, Breakneck a superhero title daring to exist outside of the gauntlet of Marvel and DC titles. The indie offering by writer Mark Bertolini and artist James Boulton is an inversion of the superhero motif, deciding to fixate on the workings of a bottom feeding supervillain. What’s the world look like to someone peering through the opposite side of the looking glass? Superheroes as menacing bastards, the supervillain as enterprising down on his luck protagonist. Don’t be like me, deciding to feed the machine while simultaneously bemoaning it. Check this out.
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Infinite Vacation #2.
I really dug the first issue of this series by Nick Spencer and Christian Ward. It strums up the zeitgeist of the modern dude or dudettes: we’re never happy, we’re always searching, we are missing life in search of something better, newer, faster. Vacation seems to posit that we can be perfectly happy if we just sit down and appreciate the moment. All done through the conceit of multiple dimensions, and modern technology, riding a couple of our other obsessions.
I don’t know if that’s something that rings of the Man Stuffing Us Back In Place, or as I imagine Spencer hoping, as a life-affirming notion.
This issue continues the main character’s search for the killer who is wiping out him out across dimensions. Gulp!
Around The Horn:
Casanova: Gula #4 is coming out, and it concludes the collections of Fraction’s first two stories in the Casa-verse. This summer the title will kick off new content. Then there’s Northlanders #39. I’m not really feeling this Northlanders storyline, but that’s the beauty of the title. With smallish storylines, you need just wait a couple of issues for something new to be introduced. Also, let’s face it: Wood’s lesser storylines carry more heat than most people’s fastballs. I just mixed all sorts of metaphors.
Creator of the Video Game Cartridge Has Died. Salute.
Jerry Lawson passed away. This is the man who helped create the video game cartridge, and if this isn’t enough to make him awesome in your eyes, I shame you! With thumbs bitten and farts in your direction!
Nic Cage’s Copy of ‘Action Comics’ #1 Recovered, In Cage Fashion.
After a decade of being separated, Nic Cage has been reunited with his copy of Action Comics #1. Like every other story in the world surrounding this Living Deity, the story is full of madness, and a glorious quote by Cage himself.
