Mountain Dew Causes Infertility, But Makes You Flame Proof? Fair Trade ++
Talk about one in the fair trade department. Remember all those warnings back in the day about how Mountain Dew kills sperm? Yeah, me too. Didn’t stop me, and I’ve since gone on to replace 90% of my body’s blood with the substance. What I didn’t know, and hasn’t been revealed today is that it has made me flame proof. Flame proof! Sort of. I’m about to become a Darwin award.
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Everything Was Nicolas Cage; A Moment of Zen.
Let the musky cosmic scent of Sir Nic wash over you in these troubled times. Stressed about finals? Christmas shopping? That itch on your groin becoming a boil? Don’t worry. The Good One is watching over us.
We’ve Seen The ‘Dark Knight Rises’ Prologue. Heavy Breathing, Hurting Groins.The Glory.
It’s a beautiful world sometimes. Tonight the Rendar and myself swung into a sneak preview of the Dark Knight Rises prologue that’s set to run before Mission Impossible: Phoenix Wunderblast. Previewed that shit for free at the local IMAX duplex and they even threw in a t-shirt. The Lords of Kobol have chosen to smile, and I’ve nuzzled my face in their glowing bosoms.
Televised Days of Christmas: Christmas Comes But Once a Year
[Is there a better way to celebrate the manger-birth of a superpowered messiah-baby than watching television? Hell no! Join Rendar Frankenstein as he navigates Spaceship OL through the Televised Days of Christmas!]
There is something to be said of the idea that human beings need excuses to party.
Think about it – holidays have been celebrated since the advent of the human species. While the pretenses and customs vary from tribe to tribe, most cultures have set aside days specifically for the purpose of cutting loose. Work is momentarily forfeited, and individuals are encouraged to engage in social events so that they can relax, enjoy the kinship of their peers, and contemplate concepts that transcend the corporeal.
It’s basically psychic catharsis.
Again, such is the necessity for relaxation that it has been prescribed by multitudes of societies. Anyone doubting this need only consider the confluence of December-holidays: pagans honor the winter solstice, Christians eagerly anticipate Christmas, Jewish folk rock Hanukkah, and of course the saturnalian Romans go bananas for Saturnalia. These holidays are different, for sure, but the common thread is that all celebrants look forward to shirking responsibilities and spending time with loved ones.
For many, the holiday season serves as the canvas upon which some of life’s most cherished memories are painted.
But what about those individuals who, for one reason or another, are without their families during the holidays? How would you feel if in the time between one Christmas and the next, you divorced your spouse and could no longer see your kids on a daily basis? What if you didn’t want to burden friends with your grievances? In what ways would this alter your attitude about the most wonderful time of the year?
If you’re Don Draper it means that you take a swig of booze, bang your secretary, and woefully declare, “I don’t hate Christmas, I just hate this Christmas.”
Trailer: G.I. Joe: Retaliation. It’s Out Of Its Goddamn Mind ++
Oh lord. I loved the original G.I. Joe, and this one looks just as fucking ridiculous, absurd, stupid, and entertaining as the first one. It’s all that, and supplemented with The Rock and Bruce Willis. Fuck yeah.
THIS WEEK ON Dexter: Talk To The Hand
For the love of all that is holy I’m fucking done with this season of Dexter. Or whatever has become of it, which seems to be a pastiche of HBO television tropes. We have the incestuous vibes from Game of Thrones, the insufferable psychoanalysis of the Sopranos, and the Six Feet Under (Hi David!) prolonged dream sequences. Meanwhile people are running around and Colin Hanks is trying really, really hard to make grim faces. Let’s rock out this shiz with some bullet point blitzes.
Scientists Say ‘Matrix’ Style Learning Could Be Coming. Teachers Wince.
Remember that time in The Matrix where Neo totally learned kung fu in like ten seconds? That shit apparently isn’t so outlandish according to some scientists. The only drawback is the same sort of chicanery could be used for, you know, mind control and the ish.
Monday Morning Commute: Stay on Target
After I punch out on December 23rd, I’m going to have the luxury of not returning to work for ten days. By my calculations, that’s nearly a week and a half. Do you know many comics will be read, movies watched, beers imbibed, and high-fives delivered in that time? Certainly enough to keep my face smile-plastered and spirit sky-bound.
Needless to say, I’m champing at the bit.
But alas, I must first survive a treacherous two-week stint of work. Additionally, these workweeks happen to fall on the end of the month, which is always the most hectic time around the `ole office. Tack on the various projects I’ve undertaken, and I’m bound to be one busy little prole-monkey rummaging about the engine room of Spaceship Earth’s compartment of Consumer-Cultures.
Fortunately, the Omnidimensional Creator has been kind enough to allow me to guide you through the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! Join me as I display the various bits of art and mind-rot I’ll be using to prevent a total mental meltdown. After you feast your eyes on what I’ll be entertaining myself with, hit up the comments section and share your ideas of a fun time.
Okay, hide the women and children — it’s time to summon the Entertainment Daemons!
Comic Sales Climb 19% In November, DC Still Rules.
Comic book sales! They’re climbing. This year’s November sales were up 19% from last year’s, and they be led by none other than the Johns/Lee/Gimmickry Powered DC New 52. Whatever it takes, amirite?
First Millisecond Of A Nuclear Explosion Is The Becoming of Death.
The first millisecond after a nuclear explosion. An imperceptible moment, a horrifying glance into the first wave of annihilation. It’s pretty terrifying. Pretty. Terrifying.
