#Video Games
‘BORDERLANDS 2’ COME AND GET IT TRAILER: Jesus is it September yet?
Which dude has totally already ordered the Borderlands 2 Super Deluxe Vault Hunter Wallet Fucking edition? This guy. I cannot wait for this goddamn game. Every time there is new material dropped into the advertising gullet from Gearbox, I find myself chugging Diet Mountain Dews and tying my happy noose around my auto-erotic neck. Somehow I wake up in my car, covered in blood and animal fur. I figure this is more or less just a fantastic way to prepare for this title.
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‘BORDERLANDS 2’ Mechromancer is for people who suck at shooters. Sign me up.
I’m not good at the first-person shooters. I love them shit out of them, I really do. I also find myself looting when I should be shooting, and running into walls, twirling in beautiful stupidity. Gearbox got me covered. Keep Reading »
You can buy an “XBOX ‘DURANGO’ DEVELOPMENT KIT” on eBay. Uh, you do it.
There’s totally an Xbox “Durango” development kid on eBay. It totally has to be real, legit, and quantifiable. That said, how about you go and buy it, and let me know how gnarly it turns out to be. I’ll bring the popcorn and we can program Dong Wars xx69. You just need to front the overhead.
Rumor: IMAGE from the KINECT 2 sensor leaked.
Skynet is upgrading its wares, infiltrating the next generation of Kinect sensors and the shit. Soon it will be able to accurately track the motions of your hand as you masturbate. Despite turning the system off, the camera will be on. Aware. Recording your furry habits.
Press Start: boredom-fueled bio-shocks
Believing in the realness of your own excellence is not just an enlightenment-based video series that I am currently marketing. No; it’s more, much more than that. Believing in one’s own excellence, and indeed the realness of said excellence, is a commodity in startlingly short supply.
Take the video games industry, for example. Day upon day, games get cancelled and teams announce ‘safe’ projects just to be sure of that crucial paycheck. ‘Why?’ I hear you ask. Unfortunately, my friends, it is because those working in the video games industry display the most startling lack of belief in the realness of their own excellence. Click this link for more info. Bulk discounts available. Let us delve into the shocking evidence that shows why now, more than any other time, that the games industry needs to start believing in the realness of its own excellence ™.
‘CALL OF DUTY: BLACK OPS 2’ MULTIPLAYER TRAILER: If you don’t know what to expect by now, sterilize thyself.
Here be the multiplayer trailer for Black Ops 2. There isn’t really anything stunning within, however I can’t imagine someone who doesn’t know whether or not they will or will not buy this game before even seeing footage.
Rumor: Is this a ‘PRINCE OF PERSIA REBOOT’ image? I don’t know man, you tell me.
Remember Prince of Persia? The original, then the rebooted series last generation? Fuck, I’ll even take the cel-shaded nonsense than dropped in 2008. I miss the series’ musk. There’s a screenshot circulating the fat pipes of a purported PoP reboot, and I’m hoping it is legit.
‘GRAND THEFT AUTO V’ hype machine begins with viral ‘Epsilon Program’ site dogging Scientology.
Vroom! Vroom! That’s the awful-pun sounds of Grand Theft Auto V‘s marketing campaign kicking off. Ain’t never been no sacred cows in the line of this franchise, and now it appears that Scientology will be getting dragged through the mud in the fifth installment. Fantastic.
‘STAR WARS: THE OLD REPUBLIC’ goes free-to-play. All shall bow.
Star Wars: The Old Republic cost $33 zillion dollars to make. It didn’t make that back. Now it is going free-to-play up until level 50, and Blizzard is once again sucking the marrow out of the bones of a fallen competition.
Rumor: ‘PLAYSTATION ALL-STARS’ characters and stages LEAK like woah.
When it leaks…it pours? Here’s an armada of leaked images and information regarding PlayStation Smashes People But Not Brothers. All of this was ripped from the private beta version of the game.
