This week’s episode starts with a flashback.   It takes place on the same day that Rick gets shot.   Initially this scene disturbed me.   Not because I’m emotionally invested in the characters.   Not because I felt for Lori as she has to tell Carl that his dad was shot, and then explain the possible consequences.   Its because I don’t want Walking Dead to be like LOST.   I don’t want flashbacks.

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Quite often the efficacy of the sidekick is downplayed. They are relegated to pure ancillary uses. You know, serving to wipe down your bloodstains, do the laborious bone sawing. The grunt word of the serial killer underworld. Let us make no mistakes about it, every serial killer aspires to one day have their own lackey. It’s understandable. They’re clutch though, and if you’re going to take a sidekick into your underworld of Blood and Gloom the best advice I can give you is this. Choose carefully. Your enterprise rides on it.

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OCTOBER 23rd, Space Travel Disasters

“Well, the thing about a black hole – its main distinguishing feature – is it’s black. And the thing about space, the colour of space, your basic space colour, is black. So how are you supposed to see them.”
-Holly (Red Dwarf)

I love the idea of space travel, I really do. However, when I think of everything that can go wrong it scares the shit out of me. I understand we’ve had about 100 years of flight under our belts now but that still does nothing for my nerves. We don’t have junk floating around in the sky that could cause a collision … unless you count Southwest. Southwest fucking sucks. I’ve flown with them twice and both times they’ve fucked me or someone in my party. But before I get too far off topic, space travel has its fair share of dangers.

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[OCTOBERFEAST  is the greatest celebration of the year, a revelry dedicated to pop-culture’s most nutritious Halloween detritus. Plastic screams and artificial sweeteners have never been more bountiful. In the old country, villagers refer to the extended party as  Satan’s Snacktime]

(I volunteered to help Rendar out today with a post, so sorry for the drop in quality inc.)

Thomas Gray’s true pimp of an elegy,  Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard  is an appropos son of a bitch for this month of the Spirits and Rot. It contains one of my favorite lines in all of the classic British Literature I’ve read throughout my days, and it reminds us that just as the leaves decay and spiral down to the ground below we ourselves continue our march towards Oblivion. Smile, you’re only dying.

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OCTOBER 22nd, Sharks

“I am not a demon. I am a lizard, a shark, a heat-seeking panther. I want to be Bob Denver on acid playing the accordion.”
-Nicolas Cage

Sharks are perhaps the world’s oldest and most efficient killers. There is little difference between the prehistoric megalodon and today’s great white; it’s just smaller. We humans are without a doubt the rulers of the land, but the seas belong to the shark. With 70% or so of the Earth’s surface is water, what does that mean for who rules the planet?

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OCTOBER 21st, Testicular Torsion

“I don’t know what I did!! Suddenly it just felt like someone kicked me in the rocks, and- and they never took their foot away!”
-Dean Venture

For the past three weeks we’ve discussed wide spread fears. Today we tackle my greatest fear. Ladies, I’m sorry to say that you won’t identify with this particular fear, but gents, your lives may change forever.
It was October 21st, 2007, 4 years ago to the day. I was getting in the shower with the intention of heading to work. As I was in the shower, I felt a slight twinge in groin region. That sleight pain grew into an explosion of pain. My vision went dark and I doubled over in agony. My brain raced from thought to thought. Time slowed down as I tried to reason out what had just happened to me. Sifting through Simpson quotes, quantum mechanics, advanced algebra, and baseball stats, my brain finally came up with the answer. Testicular torsion.

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Marvel laid off a bunch of employees yesterday in what is being called a cost-cutting measure. G’damn.

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OCTOBER 20th, Cats

“If man could be crossed with a cat, it would improve the man but decorate the cat.”
-Mark Twain

First I want to apologize about some of the facts that appear in this article, I didn’t have time to verify them. Cats, in one shape or another kill, over 9 billion people a day. The average lion grows to over 27 feet long and weighs in around 9 tons. Cats of different types have different powers. A jaguar for example can jump over 2 miles. A tiger can shoot concentrated energy blasts out of its eyes. A displacer beast can appear up to 10 feet away from its actual position. Again, I’m sorry if some of the facts may not be true.

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No longer am I secure jacking it behind the walls in the metro, no sir. MIT is on the case. They’re inventing radar that can peer through cinder into the dark underbelly of my public masturbations. Or something.

Hit the jump to see it in motion.

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OCTOBER 19th, Skynet

“If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger.”
-Frank Lloyd Wright

Today’s fear comes from the concept of the automation of our society. Skynet is the name I’ve given to the increasing trust we put in machines. To expand the concept, you could even get into the compartmentalization of our society. Individually we’re becoming more and more useless. As we glorify and reward frivolous positions like stock brokers, investment bankers, pediatricians, and hedge fund managers, we become more and more disconnected to real world necessities. Ok, maybe we need pediatricians, but I’m still bitter about that whole needle thing.

Let’s face it, we’re a bureaucratic mess. In most places you can’t scratch your ass without filing for three permits. And where are those permits kept? You guessed it, computers. One day soon the machines will revolt, I just hope you all are as ready as I am.

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