#Miscellaneous
Watch: WILL FERRELL and RYAN GOSLING are ‘KNIFE GUYS.’ Infomercial ++
James Kimmel switched to an earlier time this week. Fair enough. The only problem was that Will Ferrell and Ryan Gosling had rented out the same studio for their knife-selling informercial. As you may expect, things get zany.
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CHRISTOPHER NOLAN directing sci-fi flick ‘INTERSTELLAR.’ Oh yes.
This is a hell of way to continue on the path to the inner chambers of my heart. After giving us The Comic Book Trilogy, Christ Nolan is following that up with a science-fiction film. Yes x Everything.
Chinese guy pleads guilty to pirating $100 million of military software. Laters!
Listen. I’ve been catching up on the second season of Homeland (no spoilers!), so I know how this story ends. Some jail cell somewhere, where the person in question whittles away the days by writing their memoirs in rectal blood. So it comes to pass. Don’t blame me, blame the game.
Geekcraft: Shadow of the Colossus x External Hard Drive = Amazing statue.
Goddamn people. Goddamn people being all more goddamn talented than me. Check out this son of a bitch rubbing his talent deep into the wounds in my soul. Their creation is a Shadow of the Colossus statue that doubles as an external hard drive.
This galaxy is a GRAND SPIRAL of cosmic enormity.
Check out this resplendent Grand Spiral galaxy. Perched only a completely inaccessible 40 million light-years away is a galaxy that is somewhat like our own. So the wizards say. I don’t know if they tell the truth. I just smile and look at the pretty pictures.
‘LEGO MARVEL SUPER HEROES’ Footage and Game Informer cover. Wut, wut.
The Lego Gaming Games series makes a good variety of people wet. Not me. However, I will surf the excitement this trailer and cover provoke in those in love with the titles, using them to conjure a portal to a dimension where I get to wear Jennifer Lawrence’s underwear. While she plays the banjo for me.
Nvidia reveals ‘PROJECT SHIELD’, an Android handheld gaming platform.
Nvidia has thrown their chips into the handheld gaming market with Project Shield. Pretty extreme name, man! If you want to get people to take your shit seriously, pop the word “Project” before it. I don’t have any use for handheld consoles in general, so Project ATTAX!!! doesn’t do much for me. I mean sure it seems neat that it has a huge unwieldy controller. I could stuff it into my jeans and quietly imagine it looks like I have two dong-tips. Wait. Now that you mention it, this sounds pretty awesome.
Disney introducing ‘MAGICBANDS’ to track movements of attendees. Big Mousey Brother!
Disney, whatever! You say that you want to introduce MagicBands to track your attendees under the guise of thereby customizing their park experience. Hogwash! You’re collating date and funneling it directly to the Martian Cabal Illuminati led by Bill Gates and the corpse of FDR. Just what do the human-cows enjoy whilst in their gated community? What will they tolerate? How many pieces of $25 pizza will they buy? I’m onto you.
Rumor: Universal and Tolkien Estate planning Middle-earth Theme Park. Walk the boring walk yourself!
Naw, I’m just playing. I want to go to Middle-earth. It seems like a pretty awesome place. Just walking around with your bros, hugging and tickling pretty much on the reg. Fall down some hills, finger vaginal symbols and fear its influence. Command ghost armies. Fly giant eagles like way, way too late into the adventure. Let’s get this theme park going.
Watch: Twenty years of Quinty Tarantino’s pop-culture references in five minutes. Reference GET!
Did you know Quentin Tarantino likes pop-culture references? Yup, it is true. I know this may shock you, but I promise. The only things he likes more than pop-culture references are gesticulating like a wild man, making excellent movies, and looking like a slob at his movie premieres. This right here is a collection of his pop-culture references across twenty goddamn years. Such a wunder-world simultaneously wows me, and at the same time makes me feel like a decaying slab of flesh.
