Cindel: Don’t you have a star cruiser?

Wicket: Bitch, if I had a star cruiser you think I’d still be on a goddamn forest moon? Fugg that, I’d be getting my drank on in a Coruscant suite.*

*Translation provided by P. Krueger

[via sarcastically, i am : click to enlarge]

Ohhh shit! Who knew that Tatooine has such ballin’ beaches?

It would have made me sixteen in the summer of 1977.

Patrick Bolvin, the dude who brought us Iron Baby, concocted a cute-as-fuck short in which he addresses the important question: what would it be like if man’s best friend was an AT-AT? The results are predictable: it would be fucking sweet. Check out the video after the jump, and try and console yourself that you cannot, in fact, own one.

Keep Reading »

They’re always like “Luke is so dark in Jedi! He’s positively tempted!” Dark side my ass! Look at him, he’s positively jovial. The only thing dark about Lukey is that he’s spilled mayonnaise in his southpole wookie fur while thinking about his sister.

[via sarcastically, i am : click to enlarge]

I came across this trailer for The People Vs. George Lucas over at Slashfilm, and man it gave me goosebumps and rekindled by need for therapy. I know I’m sick, but every time I think of the prequels a lightning bolt of hate and nausea rockets down my spine, and my loved ones have to prevent me from committing suicide by eating my Dash Rendar figures.

Nothing is as such great a source of mutual bliss, innocence, and unfettered cynicism in the Drinkwater family as the Star Wars saga. Those who know Pepsibones intimately know that the Star Wars Prequels broke him permanently. He was transformed from a chubby, cute little wide-eyed kid into an emaciated, hairy, full-blown cynic. He went from loving life and all the potential that laid before him into dismayed at his beliefs over the eventuality of all his heroes letting him down, the plight of the artist and their eventual decline into failure, and creating alternate personalities for himself. If not for Jar Jar Binks, I may have a brother nicknamed Bubby still, and not rambling about hypertextuality under the name of Pepsibones Krueger.

This trailer captures almost perfectly the tension between the sides of the Star Wars equation: unfettered love, and immeasurable, incomprehensible dejection. I got goosebumps watching it, and while thinking of the beauty of the Binary Sunset, I bit the inside of my cheek wanting to weep over the idea that a long-eared douchebag who spoke Jive brought down the Galactic Empire, and Boba Fett was the clone of a Kiwi asshole.

Jesus Christ, these things make me hard. I found these Star Wars New Era 59Fifty caps over at the always fantastical /Film. They are ridiculously over the top and beautiful, in a geeky, obnoxious way.

Keep Reading »