#Space
Watch out! River of Hydrogen running amok in space
Goddamn — watch out! There’s a fucking River of Hydrogen running through space. Throwing haymakers and elbow dropping galactic clusters from the top of a cosmic turnbuckle. Sort of. I may be embellishing.
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Stephen Hawking: there ain’t such a thing as a black holes. Dummies!
Sort of! Sort of. That’s the sexy, sensational headline. And I’m not Mary Jane or Peter Parker, but I want desperately to be both sexy and sensational. Anyways. So black holes *do* fucking exist, but apparently it is possible for shit to escape their tyrannical gape.
Water plumes seen on DWARF PLANET CERES
Ceres. You big fucking rock-ice asteroid motherfucker. Holding out on us all this time. I mean we (humans, space-wizards in particular) thought you had some form of water on you. But you just wouldn’t let us confirm it. Now you’re just flaunting your water supply. And frankly, it’s ostentatious.
SUPERNOVA captured going off in (relatively) nearby galaxy
Dopeee! Really dope. A supernova has been captured going off in a relatively close galaxy. How close? Oh you know — 12 million light years away. Jesus, Reality is enormous.
Colliding galaxies dance the dance of death
Two galaxies. Engaged in an epic dance of death. Whilst they slowly pull one another apart, only one shall survive the throwdown. My money is on…the one that the article says will survive. Those space people, they know their shit.
COMET-HUNTING spacecraft ROSETTA woke up after three years. Is like, sup.
Today, I’ve had more than a couple of friends point me in the direction of this dopeness. This means two things. First, despite enough stimulants in my system to kill an ogre, I’m slowing down. Losing my grip. Second, my friends get me. Anyways, this isn’t about me! (I swear!) Rosetta is a comet-hunting spacecraft that has spent the last two years all slumbering and shit. Today! Today, it woke up.
Japan cleaning up space junk with a giant f**king net!
Hey man, space debris is a real fucking problem. I saw Gravity. Blow up one satellite and all of a sudden there’s some insane chain reaction that leads to Sandra Bullock floating around in her underwear. Wait — is that bad? I’m confused now. Well anyways Japan thinks it’s bad. Way bad.
The SEAGULL NEBULA is fixin’ to steal your cosmic french fries.
Seagulls are right pricks. Constantly making sojourns to the beach a fucking adventure. Is the seagull going to shit in my hair? Is it going to steal my sandwich while I look wistfully off into the horizon? Is it going to do both? Thankfully the Seagull Nebula is pretty far away. Pretty gorgeous, too.
Space porn: The Hand of God is ON FIRE.
Behold! The Hand of God is a mere 17,000 light years away. And it’s on fucking fire. Yeah, man. What’s that meager distance to The Creator? Nothing. We better stop acting the fool, I reckon The Deity ain’t opposed to pimp-slapping us. Ain’t nothin’!
The International Space Station mission shall live until 2024. At least.
Here’s one victory for us space nerdos. The International Space Station’s mission just got extended until 2021. More than enough time for me to hone my space-skillz, so I can join my post-Earth brethren up there.
