Forget seeing I Am Legend in IMAX, I went to that movie just to see the prologue for The Dark Knight. Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol was a flick I was interested in seeing, and now I will definitely be attending, because it’s got a glorious Bat-Prologue before it.

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Bryan Singer sucks. I want him to stay away from ‘Battlestar Galactica’. Because he sucks. It seems he won’t be. But he should. Because he sucks.

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[OCTOBERFEAST is the greatest celebration of the year, a revelry dedicated to pop-culture’s most nutritious Halloween detritus. Plastic screams and artificial sweeteners have never been more bountiful. In the old country, villagers refer to the extended party as Satan’s Snacktime]

It was during the 1984 OCTOBERFEAST that an elderly Chinese bro stumbled into the fairgrounds and changed the celebration forever. Inside the basket this Chinese sage carried with him was a creature called a Mogwai, which was bequeathed unto the OCTOBERFEAST itself. All that the man requested was that three simple rules be followed:

– Never expose it to bright light.
– Never get it wet.
– Never feed it after midnight.

Of course, the revelers were too hammered to understand the dude’s thick Sino-accent, and so the poor Mogwai ended up succumbing to light, water, and midnight snacks. Gremlins ran amok, and much fun was had!

It seemed as though it’d be a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence, and we were confident that we’d never have to worry about Gremlin-invasions again.

Boy, were we wrong.

In1990, the OCTOBERFEAST was once again overrun by Gremlins! Only this time, the creatures were of an entirely new batch, capable of far more charming parodies and subtler urban-warfare tactics. This event, hilarious and terrifying as it was, is now referred to as Gremlins 2 by the history books.

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Drive is about a dude taking shit into his own hands. I can’t blame anyone for getting inspired by it. Especially if it inspires someone to jack off to a continuously refreshing Tumblr feed of Ryan Gosling. One good sir was so inspired he gunned a hot dog at lecher and douchebag gazillionaire Tiger Woods.

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Babies and gents, please don’t forget this one fact. Hell, if you forget this, you’re really up the creek, `cause humanity’s been leaning on it since we done sloughed ourselves out of the primordial muck. Without this truism – no matter how you want to take it and run with it – we’re bound to fall face-first into the sludge of post-history and asphyxiate on the our own shortsightedness.

HOPE IS ABOVE THE HORIZON.

God? Space travel? Giant griffins that’ll swoop down, snatch us up with their pillowed talons, and nurture us in their super-nests? Could be. All I know is that we’re not going to actualize the potential of the collective unconscious by grinding ourselves down at jobs we hate.

So on that note, welcome to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! This is the spot where I show off the various wares I’ll be using to safeguard my mind from ennui and work-related dementia. After you take a peek, hit up the comments section and share your own recipe for the Entertainment Cocktail de huit jours.

Faux-French? Goddamn, let’s just get to this.

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Marvel President Kevin Feige dropped a goddamn blitzkrieg of information over the weekend at NYCC. News on Iron Man 3, Dr. Strange, the Hulk TV show, and oh yeah: Avengers 2.

Eat it up, swine.

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The newest  Agent Coulson one-shot tying together the Marvel universe has dropped, and it gets a resounding meh  from me.

Hit the jump to check it out.

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[OCTOBERFEAST is the greatest celebration of the year, a revelry dedicated to pop-culture’s most nutritious Halloween detritus. Plastic screams and artificial sweeteners have never been more bountiful. In the old country, villagers refer to the extended party as Satan’s Snacktime]

Ahoy! If you’re reading this, it means that you’ve managed to survive the first half of the OCTOBERFEAST! Congratulations! You are now amongst the ranks of the frightfully faithful, the few capable of gorging on sugary-shock and plastic-paranormal. At this point, most’ve bowed out, deciding that they cannot continue to worship the manifestations of humanity’s darkened heart without causing irrevocable damage to their consciences.

Your reward for not running off into the dim horizon – some chuckles.

See, a major misconception about OCTOBERFEAST is that levity is wholly absent. This, of course, is simply false. Sure, the festival is dedicated to slayings, acts of havoc, and undead armies, but that doesn’t mean we can’t cackle at a few gutbusters! Hell, today’s featured guests are guaranteed to tickle the `ole funny-bone!

`Cause the only folks funnier than clowns are Killer Klowns from Outer Space!

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[OCTOBERFEAST is the greatest celebration of the year, a revelry dedicated to pop-culture’s most nutritious Halloween detritus. Plastic screams and artificial sweeteners have never been more bountiful. In the old country, villagers refer to the extended party as Satan’s Snacktime]

As OCTOBERFEAST rages on and on and on, it’s easy to get lost. We’re in the midst of a flurry of decadence, bodies and morals gyrating to the ever-quickening pulse of dark-hearted celebration. This is the opportunity that must be taken, the chance to dive headfirst into all the temptations we must normally avoid. After all, if we allow our sins to take over our lives, a maniac-genius might just come by and kill us.

Thus is the premise of Se7en.

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John McClane is a true American hero and the subject of idol worship here at OL. So while the fourth movie was watered down and didn’t kick me in the G-spot with pleasurable toes, I dug on it. There’s a fifth title coming. Confirmed! Stamped! It even has a title and release date.

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