I love Dumb and Dumber. It’s one of my “movies to watch when I’m sick” staples, even if the “doggy bag” scene scarred me for life as a child (it was a long time before I could look at a beating heart without making a face). I totally overlooked the prequel, because, well. But the fact remains, the movie is a classic and I know  it will remain untouched by the fingers of some greedy Hollywood execut–

Sorry, what was that? I… oh.

Well, fuck.

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I’ve heard Neil deGrasse Tyson rail against an inaccuracy in Titanic  several times in my travels. His ability to pick up things like the patterns of the stars in the sky in a movie  is considerably bad ass, and he has leveraged that into several rants on accuracy. I just never expected his rants  to turn into changes.

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Ashton Kutcher is going to play the part of Steve Jobs in an indie flick that will begin shooting when the star is on break from Two And A Half Dozen Easy Jokes Per Episode. My knee jerk reaction is “this is fucking dumb!”, and my knee jerk reaction to my knee jerk reaction is “chill bro!, chill, who knows?” which leaves me in a bit of a holding pattern.

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The official trailer for the new Total Recall  dropped today during one of them basketball-games-things, and I don’t give a shit. I think it looks fucking radical, yo. Hit the jump, check it out, let me know what you think.

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I’m currently on the AMTRAK, en route to the Big Apple, and just overheard the following conversation:

Person 1: Wanna go to the movies later?
Person 2: What do you wanna see?
Person 1:  Remember the movie about the Greek gods and stuff? The guy from Avatar is in it. The sequel just came out. I really want to see it — it looks so good.

Despite my skepticism of Person 1’s ability to someday produce intelligent, contributing offspring, his enthusiasm for the film in question (“Wrath of the Titans”) gave me pause. Because, honestly? I haven’t seen a single commercial for it. I had to go to IMDB to make sure it was, like, an actual thing, and then I was like, “Rosamund Pike, why are you in this movie? You are better than this.”
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Clerks 2  felt like a hot wet dump on my soul. Having grown up muttering the lines to the original to myself for hours, I don’t know what I expected. I wasn’t even opposed to it in theory. I should have been. It looks like I’ll be getting another drizzling of butt syrup, if Kevin Smith backs up this noise.

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You’re unlikely to see a more amazing  thing today. Behold the trailer for Step Up Revolution, something so chuck full of insanity that I wish I was there snorting the drugs and krumping to Pitbull while they wrote this script. It’s so, so, so goddamn horrible. I need it.

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The Avengers  got itself a couple of new TV spots. One in Brazilian, one in Dialect of the Empire flavor! Both of them have Tony Stark and Loki measuring each other’s proverbial hog, leading into the now famous “We have a Hulk” line.

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[face of a franchise presents two individuals that’ve fulfilled the same role. your task — choose the better of the two and defend your choice in the rancor pit that is the comments section]

The Hulk is a pretty easy character to support. I mean, seriously, what’s not to love? Is it the fact that the dude is a research scientist hoping to improve the state of the world? Could it be the tremendous lengths he goes to while trying to win over the love of his life? Maybe it’s his incredible aversion to violence, the reticent willingness to engage in fisticuffs only as an absolute last resort?

Or perhaps it’s the fact that when the Hulk gets pissed off and push comes to shove, he fucking smashes.

Despite the general consensus about big green bastard’s appeal, a debate arises when discussing those depictions outside of the paneled page. Old school Banner-believers may cite the Bill Bixby/Lou Ferrigno tagteam from The Incredible Hulk series as being the definitive portrayal. On the other hand, the more rabid fanboy-augurs amongst us are already claiming that the best Hulk-performance will be found in Mark Ruffalo. There’s no denyin’ that all three of these actors deserve recognition for their contributions to the superheroic Jekyll & Hyde mythos.

But when it comes to live-action dramatizations of the triple threat match between Banner’s id, ego, and super-ego, two actors stand above the rest.

In 2003’s Hulk,   Eric Bana used his supreme thespian skills to conjure up an image of a brutish, mentally-deficient being with enormous muscles. And that was just his take on Banner! Zing! Seriously though, the Aussie-actor guides the audience through a vision of the Hulk that must navigate his way through a whole mess of psychological pitfalls, including inferiority issues, Oedipal complexes, and the volatility of suppressed rage. Bana paints a portrait of the green goliath that uses both the broad strokes of intense violence as well as the subtle strokes of a shattered psyche.

Five years later, Edward Norton got the chance to bring the breaker of worlds to life in The Incredible Hulk. Somewhere in between a sequel and a reboot, this film tries to give fans exactly what they love about the character. Banner’s on the run, Betty Ross is lookin’ dope as hell, Thunderbolt Ross is bein’ a pain in the proverbial emerald ass, and there’s another monster for the Hulk to fight. Eddie Norton fit particularly well, as he looked the part of the scrawny science nerd but carried himself with the intensity of a man trying to iron out emotional wrinkles of the most brutal sort. Additionally, most fans agree that this second feature-length attempted was more successful than the first…but how much of that can be attributed to Norton?

This is a tricky one. Australia vs. America. Nero vs. The Narrator.

So who’s the best Hulk? Eric Bana or Edward Norton?

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Here’s a whole slew of propaganda posters for Hunger Games  by Caldwell Tanner and Nathan Yaffe. That’s it. Don’t really have much more to say about the bunch. They’re amusing. Does that work?

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