I was never into hardcore but my ex-girlfriend in college was. She was into all those bands with “blood” in their names and local Boston groups like Suicide File. I tolerated it – anything was better than Morrisey, her other love – and I even liked a few. My favorite parts were, of cours, the breakdowns. All of them. Any of them. Breakdowns make me want to do push-ups and bang a chick – at the same time! The Raid: Redemption is like a bunch of hardcore breakdowns strung together with some flimsy exposition thrown in between. I couldn’t care less what was going on in between the breakdowns – just fast forward the verses and get to the throwdowns.

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Oh golly gosh! A new Star Wars  project is coming, tipped off courtesy of some blunt-force domain registrations. Just what is Star Wars 1313? More money for the Fuck Face.

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With Avengers  destroying box office records, it’s only natural that Batman tries to swagger up to their rodeo. However as this video indicates, the good man isn’t cut out for the team. A bit rough around the edges, you see. Plus he swears a lot and slaps around Robin. Not sure which of those truly disqualified him, or if it was a cumulative effort.

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The hubub surrounding the rating of Ridley Scott’s Prometheus  can now subside. Despite being a tentpole flick, somehow the studio brains have allowed the most harsh of cuts of the movie to hit the theater.

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I wish that James Cameron would keep doing awesome things like going to the deepest point in the ocean and planning to mine the shit out of space rocks. This would keep me from having to contemplate the salt-and-peppered bastard as a movie maker, which quickly gets my Hulk going.

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Edgar Wright has been quietly rubbing the prospect of doing an Ant-Man  flick all over our sensitive parts for years. Regimes have risen and fallen all while no resolution to this potential has came. Yesterday the Good Wright tweeted a picture, and it has people a-buzzing that finally we may been approaching Ant-Valhalla.

Hit the jump for the picture and speculation.

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The mind behind Toy Story 3  may be brought on to punch up Catching Fire, the sequel to Everyone Loves A Good Adolescent Bloodbath (Games). Now if we could just get him to travel back in time to save the source novel.

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Hellllllllll yeah. Avengers  has broken the all-time domestic box office opening, farting on all those that dared come before it. Big, green Hulkian farts, flinging witty quips of disparagement as it does so.

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Orson Welles’ The Trial is one of the great cinematic examples of style over substance, a work whose striking aesthetic overshadows many narrative considerations for the viewing audience. Although such a description is typically applied detrimentally, this film’s particular want of substance is precisely modulated. An adaptation of Franz Kafka’s novel, The Trial exhibits the logic of dreams/nightmares more than the logical mechanics of traditional storytelling; so what is shown will inherently trump anything that is explained (or explainable). In turn, navigating its dilapidated world of unusual (camera) angles, ominous surroundings, and haunting silhouettes, the audience yearns for clarity, just like protagonist Joseph K (Anthony Perkins) does. And just as The Trial is not a conventional story, the story contains no conventional trial, wherein an actualized attainability of justice is unworkable and idealistic notions like “nothing but the truth” are broken down to nothingness.

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The Avengers should be as necessary to you this weekend as breathing, if:

–  You saw and enjoyed the Marvel Universe films of the past five years — like Iron Man, Thor, and Captain America.

– You read and enjoy superhero comic books.

– You have a fucking pulse.

If two of these things apply, you’ve probably already seen it.   If all three do, you saw it last night at midnight like the rest of us.

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