#Movies
FRANK MILLER and ZACK SNYDER meeting over ‘SUPERMAN VS. BATMAN.’ Ugh?
So an overrated, under-talented hack of a director and a washed-up, ideologically shifted writer walk into a bar. That’s uh, that’s all I got. Oh, I guess I could say this: I could not give less of a fuck about Frank Miller and Zack Snyder meeting to discuss how the former is going to shit all over the buttocks of the latter’s seminal work. You know, in an attempt to pay homage. Or be inspired by it. Or whatever.
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‘AMERICAN HUSTLE’ TRAILER: Thieving Thieves and Rockin’ Haircuts
Here’s the trailer David O. Russel’s latest jam, American Hustle. The trailer doesn’t feature much in the way of exposition but eh, who fucking cares? Tired of seeing trailers that spit out the entire premise. Instead we’re treated to Christian Bale with righteous shitty hair, Amy Adams in a swimsuit, and Led Zepplin. A fairest of trades.
Hit the jump to check it out.
‘DAYS OF FUTURE PAST’ VIRAL TEASER: TRASK INDUSTRIES & SENTINELS
Viral campaign in the house! Here is a trailer for Trask Industries’ Sentinels Program. I mean, what can go wrong with them? Not sure? Days of Future Past will do well to edify your ass.
Monday Morning Commute: Don’t Forget to Mind-Wipe!
Fred was certain that everything’d gone according to plan.
Sure, it was only the third time he’d been called upon to complete the procedure. But why should he worry? It was the first thing they’d taught him at the Neural Corps Academy, a matter of routine that even those struggling with the coursework could exact if necessary. And he wasn’t no goddamn wash-out, he was quick to remind himself while taking a deep whiff of the checkered material.
He was Fred DeCoup. First, a child prodigy. Then, the star student-cum-valedictorian. And at twenty-two, the youngest cadet awarded the position of Reprogrammer General .
Needless to say, Fred was more than a bit startled when the subject woke up screaming. Typically, subjects’ reentries into consciousness are marked by outward expressions of tranquility, sometimes even gratitude. But when XT-203 came to, he was writhing with hatred and spitting vitriol.
“You piece of shit! You raped me! I remember everything! Release these clamps so I can tear out your throat!”
Fred DeCoup dropped XT-203’s boxer shorts from under his nose. He froze. He knew that everything hadn’t gone according to plan, that he’d made an error of the most egregious sort.
In his perverted ecstasy, Fred had forgotten the most important rule: always run a mind-wipe.
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Welcome to the Monday Morning Commute! This is the weekly call-to-arms for all aboard Spaceship OL — crew and passengers alike — to discuss the various ways we’ll combat the Boredom Bastards! Rumor has that a few of these fun-suckers’ve been spotted in the very sector we’re headed towards this week, so we need to make sure that everyone’s armed and ready to face `em!
Murder your familial responsibility with movies. Crush your manager’s halitosis with comics. Piledrive your self-doubt with pizza.
I’ll get us started, but you hafta join me in the comments section.
Let’s do this!
The ‘X-FORCE’ MOVIE will feature a 5-Person team. Plus! So many pouches.
Rob Liefeld needs to be the artistic director on this son of a bitch. Just totally lay out some gorgeous costumes with like a million-pouches. Every character played by Vin Diesel (forget the Avengers 2), after we stack on some serious muscles. ‘Cause, you know. Ain’t the X-Force unless it has anatomy-breaking muscles and pouches.
(Unless it’s Uncanny X-Force.)
Edgar Wright: We will all meet HANK PYM in ‘ANT-MAN.’ Aiight.
The Avengers 2-Ant-Man-Hank-Pym train continues rumbling through our collective consciousness. Ever since Joss Whedon announced a) Ultron and b) that Hank Pym won’t be creating him in Avengers: Rise of the Ultronics or whatever, people have been wondering how the threads tie together. Here are some…answers?
THANOS confirmed for ‘GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY’, Purple-Headed Death GET
What fresh hell is this. Why so much interesting news today? Wasn’t SDCC like two days ago? Oh, you say it isn’t interesting to you. Hmm. I see. Head nod. Then I draw the Infinity Gauntlet, and punch you in the sternum. I don’t even know what I’m typing anymore. James Gunn is more interesting than me. Hit the jump to check out his funky fresh words regarding Thanos.
LUCASFILM: ABRAMS AIN’T LEAVING ‘EPISODE VII.’ FARACI shrugs, PAGE VIEWS INTACT.
I probably shouldn’t criticize Devin Faraci for drudging up nonsense rumors, when I covered those same rumors. Whatever. I get three page views a day, and make no money. Faraci gets paid, and seems to generally giggle while stoking the flames of geeks across the internet. Wielding the hammer of God (or Thor, their parent company owns him), Lucasfilm has smote the rumors that Abrams is leaving Episode VII.
‘X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST’ POSTERS are like OLD meets NEW meets MEH
When is my one-man crusade against Days of Future Past ever going to end? Never! Here are two new posters for the flick which feature the old and new actors playing Magnet Man and Baldy Lad.
Rumors: ABRAMS considering dropping ‘EPISODE VII’, ‘THOR’ writers penning THIRD ‘STAR TREK’ film?
I find it highly fucking likely that J.J. Abrams is going to drop out of Episode VII, but apparently that is the rumor making the rounds. YesIrealizethatIamnobetterthananyone by perpetuating this potential fart in the echo chamber. I get that. However as a Trek-Wars dork, I find any and all speculation to be a degree erotic.
