I’m the opposite of opaque about this: the Justice League relaunch by Geoff Johns and Jim Lee is refried nonsense dog shit. Boring. Tired. Predictable. Doesn’t matter! Quality doesn’t matter. The thing is selling in droves.

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Fuck Steve Rogers, my Captain America is James Barnes. I don’t read Cap, I don’t read Cap and Bucky. But I am sure as Hell going to read the new ongoing starring the Winter Soldier by Ed Brubaker and Butch Guide.

Hit the jump for a preview.

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Want a couple of new Amazing Spider-Man pics? Featuring Parker looking dumb as hell and Stacy looking gorgeous as usual?

Hit the jump!

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Warren Ellis got around to dropping some comments about where he thinks the comic industry should go, and should have already went recently. He stated that comics should go digital-first, but opined that maybe creators didn’t have a taste for it. Then stepped in Brian Wood.

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Well, let us the Raging Nerd Collective be heard! Unlike the Bane audio that’s been delivered so far! Rimshot! Snare drum! There’s a purported new audio cut of the Bane Prologue from The Dark Knight Rises, and this purported cut is purportedly purposefully cleaned up for auditory pleasure.

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Bryan Hitch said he’d be dropping glory regarding his next creative move after the New Year, and he hasn’t waited long. He’s going to be teaming up with Jonathan Ross for America’s Got Powers.

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Never doubt the intrepitude of lawyers. Apparently there’s some sort of financial high-five that can be acquired through action figures if they’re of non-humans. Thus, they’re arguing that mutants aren’t human, promoting Charles Xavier to telepathically wank them with flog-objects.

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I hadn’t realized this, but Bryan Hitch has been at Marvel for a solid decade. Now the pencil-smith is leaving, and I’m cool with it. Why? ‘Cause wherever he goes I’ll be following.

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The drug game is hard to break into, ya know? Can’t just roll up into somebody’s turf, let alone establish yourself as a reputable source. How did one dude do it? Started dressing up as the fucking Incredible Hulk. It brought ++ attention, which unfortunately (unfortunately?) led to +++ prison time.
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Variant Covers. The comics I’m interested in this week. I have poor taste, help it out by recommending titles from your own brown paper bag.

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DMZ #72.
The final issue of DMZ drops today, and I’m not caught up in time to check it out. There’s a greasy sadness lining my armpits where there should be anticipatory precipitation. DMZ’s a bit of a special comic book of mine, having followed it for the better part of five years through curious denials and momentary binges. Last week I finished up yet another semester of graduate school, and the first time I did was crack open the latest TPB, Collective Punishment. Wood and Burchielli have guided the reader through a gorgeous journey into the perpetually not-too-hard-to-believe second American Civil War. From allusions of the Iraqi War, to a stark fucking knife into the post-Obama disillusionment, the comic has been a guide post on our cheesy poof-covered culture and political descent into Oblivion. I’m going to miss the warmth of the comic. The warmth of finding a creator who can make sense of the nonsense in a way that I wish I could, if I only had the inclination or talent. Not only that, but finding solace in knowing someone else is feeling the same as you do, in these Bananas Times.

I’ll miss this fucking comic book.

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Secret Avengers #20.
Speaking of final issues, tomorrow is also the final Warren Ellis-fueled Secret Avengers. I’ve dug on his stand-alone blasts of typical Ellisian madness filtered through Marvel’s Rogue Avengers team. Not to be confused with the variety of other Rogue Teams the publisher has, such as Uncanny X-Force. What do these motherfuckers do when they run into one another during mutual covert operations? Especially since it seems like Beast, if not Wolverine, is on all of them.

Ellis is joined by Alex Maleev for this final installment, and that doubles my pleasure. Watch as I writhe in his pencil-powered-glory. Cramming crayons and pastel finger paints into my pants, trying to slather myself in the powers that grant him such utility. Yes, Maleev! Yes!

As I was saying, I’ll miss Ellis and his one-offs.

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Spaceman #3.
Boom! Brian Azzarello and Eduardo Risso are brining the crackling science-fiction glory in this mini-series. Of nine issues. Does that make it a maxi-series? Maxiseries? Quasi-maxi-post-mini-series. Something of that such. We got ourselves here a failed Mars program, Dystopian nightmares, riffage on the depravity of our Empty Celebrity Syndrome culture and more. All in a series you would have snagged the initial issue of for one measly dollar. Jump aboard this pig before she’s blowing up in a glorious tits-science-American-Nightmare fireworks display high in the atmosphere of our Organic Spaceship. You’ll be happy you did. Or you’ll be unhappy you did and keep it yourself. Thereby ensuring my much needed ignorance.

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Ultimate Comics Ultimate Avengers Ultimate Time! #5.
Jonathan Hickman. Esad Ribic. The Ultimate Universe. Short choppy sentences. Yo I have to be honest I just watched this video and I can’t get it out of my head while I’m trying to type. It’s difficult. Anyways yeah if you can survive that I love you. The Force is strong in your loins. Perhaps you were birthed up by the Force itself in some shitty sand-scarred planet to Shmi and now you have to podrace all day? Sand storms are very dangerous! Shit we’re off the tracks. Way off the tracks, and it don’t matter! Why? ‘Cause I got carte blanche! Just like Hickman. Just like Hickman does when it comes to the Ultimate Universe. [Phew.] It’s glorious to see the dude unchained from the typical bureaucratic nonsense that everything in the Mainland Marvel Monstrosity has to be funneled through. “Oh yeah, Hickman! You wanted to have Rachel Grey join FF? Well uh yeah here’s the thing she’s in the Avengers X-Cepted storyline this year, and next year she’s going to be in Fright Night: Vampire’s Children Crusade and then…and then…and then…” and so on.

Dude gets to play for keeps in the Little Universe On The Side, and it shows. Destroy Valhalla? Sure. Bring back Reed Richards from his heinous Jeph Loeb penned death? Double sure. Tweak everything out in a quasi-Authority vibe and give Caffeine Powered a raging dork-on? Filling in the applicable circle with violent pencil-on-paper force.

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Those are the titles I’m most interested in this week. I’m sure I’ll arrive at home with a panache of other fillings to faithfully frak my wallet’s chasms. What are interested in this week? Hit me.