Ok, you mugs. Welcome to another round of Cage Match, the internet’s all-nude column devoted entirely to Nicolas Kim Coppola. Oh, you didn’t know that is the original name of Nic Cage? Then you’re not reading Cage Match enough, idiot.

This week have news about Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Drive Angry, and Cage’s meeting with a diplomat. Also, Nic Cage pinball, the lowdown on Cage’s intense role research for Leaving Las Vegas, and a weak bit from Conan O’Brien. Let’s do this.

Baffling Turkish News Report on the Set of Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance and Plot Synopsis Revealed

Harry from AintItCoolNews posted this really bizarre video from a Turkish news broadcast that contains some footage from the set of Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance. It’s a lot of Cage climbing on rocks and Zorro doing front flips. WUT? I couldn’t figure out how to embed it so you’ll have to click on the AintItCool link above to watch it. Whoops!

In more exciting and comprehensible news, the heads at ComicBookMovie found the sales synopsis for Ghost Rider. I don’t know nuthin about Ghost Rider’s mythos but it sounds awesome to me: Get pumped.

“It has been several years since making a deal with the Devil and Johnny Blaze (Nicolas Cage), living in self-imposed isolation, finds himself as the only person who can help save 10-year-old Danny — and ultimately the world — thanks to his unwanted and uncontrollable power — his ability to transform into the hell-on-wheels monster known as The Ghost Rider”

Get pumped.

Keep Reading »

Welcome back, suckers, to the only column in the universe that wraps up all of the important Nicolas Cage news of the week. Besides news, we’re also continuing our series of videos from OOP Cage films you probably haven’t seen. Two weeks ago we brought you inside Cage’s mansion with The Cage of Nicholas and last week we dropped a clip from the rare gem Time to Kill. This week we’ve got a real treat: Cage’s brief but amazing cameo from the Adam Rifkin’s 1988 comedy Never on Tuesday. In my opinion it’s as baffling and memorable as his Eddie character from Deadfall.

Not too a lot of news this week but there is a titillating sequel rumor has surfaced that is sure to make your trousers tight. Also more on the upcoming Medallion and Ghost Rider 2. I’m a little tired, little wired, and I think I deserve a little appreciation! Let’s do this!

Cage’s Bizarre Cameo in Never on Tuesday

Never on Tuesday is a road trip boner comedy directed by cult director Adam Rifkin (The Invisible Maniac, Detroit Rock City). Andrew Lauer and Peter Berg (of Friday NIght Lights fame) play the lead hornballs, but sprinkled throughout the movie are brief cameos by big name actors including Cage, Charlie Sheen, Cary Elwes, and Judd Nelson. About 11 minutes into the film Cage, credited as “Man in Red Sports Car,” makes his appearance. It’s really…well, Cage-like. I threw the above clip on YouTube because the world needs to see this very important moment in our favorite actor’s career. Enjoy!

Keep Reading »

Hello everyone, welcome back. You look terrific. After getting over the bummer of Season of the Witch, we can finally kick back and be excited about Drive Angry 3D. A new image and totally NSFW clip was released this week – enough to wet our appetites for the film’s February 25 release date.

We’ve also got an exclusive clip from the rarely seen Time to Kill. Seriously there was no clips on YouTube from this Cage gem until I put one on last night. In the mix as well is an awesome homage to Cage’s diverse hair styles, a thought-provoking interview with the Times of India, some painful news from the Ghost Rider 2 set, a Netflix recommendation, and whimsical music video. So much stuff! Let’s do this.

Cage Is a Bad Influence on Iguanas

Time to Kill (Tempo di uccidere) is a 1989 film written and directed by Giuliano Montaldo. Cage plays a soldier in the Italian Army as they invade Ethiopia in 1936. He leaves camp because he has a toothache and this choice sets off a string of cosmic incidents. One of these incidents is coming across an iguana (Bad Lieutenant foreshadowing???) and putting a cigarette in its mouth. Iguanas must be Cage’s spirit animal.

The movie is OOP and not that great. It’s actually really dull and the scene above (that I so selflessly put on YouTube last night) is the best part. BUT every Cage film is important. You know this is true. So if you get a chance, see it. Used VHS copies are dirt cheap on Amazon.

——–

Keep Reading »

(This review first appeared at the Mishka Bloglin, where I write under the moniker Oh Mars. For some reason.)

No one was sure what to expect when, years ago, Seth Rogen and Pineapple Express scribe Evan Goldberg wrote a script for a Green Hornet movie. It would be an action/comedy, that was the only guarantee. Then when Michel Gondry was set to direct, the blogosphere became collectively baffled. He’s a super creative, visionary director with a love of playful special effects. That’s unarguable. He delivered one of the best sci-fi movies of the decade with Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. On the other hand, The Science of Sleep was way too cutesy for my taste and Be Kind Rewind sucked big time. So how did this petite Frenchman tackle a $120 million action comedy? Very, very well.

The vigilante superhero first appeared on radio serializations during the Depression and then as a short-lived TV show that ran from ’66 to ’67, featuring Bruce Lee as Kato. Since then the character has existed in a pulp niche outside of popular culture for decades – besides two comic book runs – Gondry, Rogan, and Goldberg could had creative freedom because the fanbase was relatively small. The final product is a fast-paced, hilarious, and surprisingly violent two hour movie. It definitely has its flaws but they’re seriously outweighed by everything the film does right.

Keep Reading »

I know what you’re thinking. “Patrick, you’re posts are SO relevant. If it’s not Nicolas Cage minutiae then it’s about movies no one wants to watch.” Honestly, I agree. I still don’t know why the Brothers Omega let me write for them. BUT if you don’t love Gremlins you’re an idiot and I will fight you. I just rewatched it yesterday – along with Gremlins 2 – then followed it up with cruising the web for cool Gremlins shit. That’s right, it’s called being productive, you malmsey-nosed devil-mon!

My Gremlins VHS is seriously lacking in special features so I checked YouTube for juicy making of videos and found some great stuff. I wish the video after the jump went into more of the technical aspects of making the Gremlins be all mischievous (aka puppetry), but I’ll settle for director Joe Dante being a huge fucking nerd. Dante is the legendary director of The ‘burbs, several Eerie Indiana episodes, and The Howling. He’s basically the king of horror-comedy. Nowadays he wears suits and contact lenses, but back in the day he looked like me but with a better head of hair. Steven Spielberg also makes an appearance, looking well put together like he always has. The second BTS feature for G2 is sort of goofy, but fun nonetheless.

Hit thee jump and enjoy and thank me later!

Keep Reading »

Natalie Portman is pregnant and engaged to some choreographer. But before she transforms into a fat housewife she was nice enough to pose topless for this Miss Dior perfume ad. Consider this the final testament of how awesome she used to be. I guess Harvard doesn’t teach you that kids ruin everything.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CAGE! Yes, the world’s greatest actor turned 47 last Friday, which also happened to be Season of the Witch‘s opening day. Cage had this to say about the combination birthday/premiere:

“I’ve never had a movie open on my birthday before. We’ll see what the movie gods wanna do about it.” (via)

Well *ahem* the movie gods must have been sleeping because SotW got shit reviews (including from me). January is always a dismal month for movies. It’s when studios infamously dump out the leftover projects after awards season is over. But I have a very good feeling about next month’s Drive Angry. VERY good.

So besides bumming on SotW, it’s an exciting week at Cage Match. Yesterday I posted a video on YouTube that was currently unavailable. It’s some rare shit and Devin at BadAss Digest first posted yesterday. I hope you all get a kick out of it. I did. We also get the dish on why Michel Gondry is a moron and a chance to revisit Christoper Coppola’s classic Deadfall on Netflix. Let’s go!

Season of the Witch Is a Silly, Silly Movie; Inspires a Lousy Critic

The long awaited release of SotW came over the weekend. It made a noble $11 million but garnered truly abysmal reviews   – including our very own. It currently has a 5% rating on Rotten Tomatoes and while cruising some of its bad press, I discovered a critic who may possibly be six-years-old. Seriously:

This is the puffy-faced Nic Cage.  The one who fights for Christ and Little Debbies and not necessarily in that order. (Editor’s note – WTF does this mean?)

Before the opening credits roll, it’s clear that Season of the Witch should have been called Season of the Which Way out of this Theater?

“I wish I had that big red fist from Hellboy now,” said Perlman.  ”But I left it up  Guillermo del Toro’s ass.”

His entire “review” is made up of zingers like the ones above. You’ll laugh until it HURTS!

Keep Reading »

Directed by Twilight Zone veteran Ted Post and written by schlock scribe Abe Polsky, The Baby is a standout of ’70s unhinged depravity. I saw it for the first time last year through Cinemageddon, an obscure movie lover’s wet dream website. Last week, schlock film distributors extraordinaires Severin Films announced that they will be rereleasing The Baby. It was originally released on DVD in 2005. I’m not sure of the quality of that one, but judging from Severin’s treatment of Psychomania and Hardware, The Baby is going to get the primo-fucking release it deserves. Trust me when I say you’ve never seen anything like it.

It’s not gory or sexually explicit. It didn’t push the limits of the film censors. And, surprisingly, it’s not the film’s premise that shocks. The sight of a 30-year-old man dressed and acting like a baby seems to shock very little people – even in the film. For me, it’s the twist at the end that left me open-mouthed as well as the well-executed ingredients sprinkled over this exploitation romp.

Keep Reading »

I don’t think anyone was expecting much from Season of the Witch. So in that respect, I guess it doesn’t disappoint. The film has been rotting in distribution hell for 10 months now. It was originally slated for a March 2010 release, but sour business between Lionsgate and Relativity Media forced it to be shelved…until now. Cage’s presence is probably the only factor that saved this silly film from a direct to DVD ditch.

Personally, I will see anything with Nic Cage in it. I think he’s a genius. And in college I studied under one of the leading Black Plague scholars, Dr. Donna Vinson. So Cage starring in a Black Plague-related film? Sounded like a dream. But as more and more info trickled out, it became obvious SotW was going to be a throwaway in Cage’s oeuvre. I took the bullet anyway – just for you guys.

Keep Reading »

While this may not exactly be nerdy news or the usual OL steez, I’ve been drooling over this news since last night and had to post. Mildred Pierce, one of the greatest tales of greed and sex from the oeuvre of roman noir, is getting a much-deserved treatment by HBO and director Todd Haynes (Far From Heaven). The 1941 novel, by crime scribe god James M. Cain (Double Indemnity, The Postman Always Rings Twice) was originally adapted by Warner Bros. in 1945. That version, starring Joan Crawford, had its balls cut off to appease the censors and features none of the book’s complex narcissism or an ounce of its darkness.

Winslet is playing Mildred, a housewife turned pastry chef desperately trying to maintain her family’s social status during the Great Depression. She’s also desperately trying to win the acceptance of her ungrateful daughter, Veda (Evan Rachel Wood). She’s a total biotch. When Mildred falls in with dashing playboy Monty (Guy Pierce), a twisted tangling of wills begins between Mildred and Veda. Cain’s major works were always about sex and the fast-buck. While Midred Pierce isn’t my favorite of his work, it’s unarguably his most ambitious and “epic.”

Depression era LA looks abso-lutely gorgeous and Winslet definitely has the chops to pull of Mildred’s grim naivete. This pleases me.

Ok. Back to your regularly scheduled nerdiness and sexual euphemisms.