#April2013
Mutual Understanding: Stay Tuned For a Special Report
There’s troubling news ahead. Quick, hit the jump to find out what it is.
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WILL ARNETT joining ‘NINJA TURTLES’ movie. What fresh Hell?!
Will Arnett. I know you’ve separated from Amy Poehler. I know that your NBC (I think?) comedy is going through like a million revisions. But you don’t need this money that badly. Unless you’ve been cast as Shredder. Then you can sign me up for this absurdist theater.
Next XBOX and its controller are covered in zebra stripes. Privacy ++
Game developers are rubbing their grubby paws all over the new Xbox and its controller. That’s pretty swell. What is even more swell is an idea that Microsoft has seemingly cooked up to prevent leaks. They have slathered all this new fetish plastic in zebra stripes, using it as a means to identify the specific controller that is leaked. Or some shit.
‘HOUSE OF CARDS’ coming to Blu-Ray and DVD in June. INCEPTION HORN.
Netflix produces a television show that debuts on their streaming service only. Now it’s coming to physical media. And then will that physical media…be offered through Netflix? The same company that produced it in a manner that circumvented television and physical media? The rabbit hole…the rabbit hole.
Robert Redford confirmed as HEAD OF S.H.I.E.L.D in ‘Captain America: The Winter Soldier.’
It looks like we’re about to have one of those wacky Nick Fury goes rogue stories or the such, following the events of Avengers 2. How else do explain that Robert Redford is going to be the head of S.H.I.E.L.D in Cap 2: Bucky’s Bionic Arm?
Cosplay: MORE FEM SHEPARD, more all the time.
Shepard may be done with her part in the cosmos, but that doesn’t mean that cosmos is done with Shepard cosplay. What is the point of salvaging the wreckage of the galaxy, if we cannot bask in the glory of FemShep?
‘AVENGERS 2’ filming early 2014 in the UK. Plus! PHASE TWO concept art.
Avengers 2 news! Phase two news! Smash this info-dump down your esophagus, and wash it down with some cinematic hyperbole. The Marvel Leviathan shall stop for no one, Gods (of Death) help us all.
I’m Ken friggin’ Levine!
Fucking KEN LEVINE all tits-out, not caring. Yeah, I’ll drink a latte and not give a shit that my nips are showing. I’ll comment on the industry while my chest hair rattles the mind and soul of the men and women behind the counter. I’m Ken Levine.
‘GRAND THEFT AUTO V’ official box art. EVERYBODY SCREAM.
Is this a big deal? The Inter-Netz have made me feel like the unveiling of the Grand Theft Auto V box art is a big deal. Personally, I don’t give a shit. However, for those of you who have been anticipating this — I hope it blows your tits clear through the wall.
Press Start: No News For April Fools
It’s after this holiest of holy weekends that I like to give thanks to the lord baby Jesus for giving us the gift of video games, for introducing the concept of extra lives and, most importantly, dying for our sins so that we are all able to wallow in our own filth whilst we gaze into the screen for an entire weekend, shoveling poultry and confectionery down our unrelenting gullets.
Thank you, Jesus.
