#January2013
OL Store: Celebrate the Post-Apocalypse with these gnarly t-shirts.
Hello friends! The White Guy Interpretation of the Mayan Apocalypse has passed. Christmas is over. Your wallet is bleeding all over your crotch, and no matter how many styptic pencils you apply nothing avails. Give into your vaporized bank account and snag one of our new t-shirts. You know you want to. You don’t know? Well shit, do it for me. I have gauze on my groin, and I could use the financial help. Hit the jump to check them out, then if you’re inclined buy them in the OL Store.
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CHRISTOPHER NOLAN directing sci-fi flick ‘INTERSTELLAR.’ Oh yes.
This is a hell of way to continue on the path to the inner chambers of my heart. After giving us The Comic Book Trilogy, Christ Nolan is following that up with a science-fiction film. Yes x Everything.
‘FALLOUT 4’ teased by Three Dog’s voice actor. WASTELAND GET.
Just today! Just today, I was wondering when the fuck I was going to get to wander the Wasteland yet again. I slathered petroleum jelly on my bits as I contemplated, rubbing over the idea of playing a Fallout title running on the Skyrim engine. My supplication must have been heard by Them, for this very same today comes a tease. Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
WANT TO GO TO MARS? There is a reality show for that.
Not the first way I would suggest finding space-worthy folk. The Mars One program is searching for people willing to take the journey to the Red (Er, Pale?) Planet through a reality show. Yeah! Nothing like attention-seeking bandits to colonize Mars. Bradbury was right! Isn’t he always?
Aslan Malik brings the JUSTICE LEAGUE to American dollar bills. Holler!
I don’t know what I’m typing today. Mom and Dad didn’t lock the cage, and so now I’m running around eating Oreos cookies and dumping Mountain Dew in my ass. Wait, what am I talking about? Oh! Aslan Malik. Took American dollar bills and added some fantastic artwork to them. I don’t think it’s legal though. Won’t the Empire Gestapo whisk infidels away for defiling imperial credits? I haven’t practiced law in a while.
The Dude’s High 5s: Game Shows
Game shows have radically changed over my life time. When I was a kid, daytime TV was littered with them. Today game shows have been replaced with “reality” shows that give away money to people who are willing to whore for the camera.
Jelly Fish Nebula stings the viewer with awesome. Oh God, terrible puns.
Finish up vomiting over the pun in this post’s title, and bask in the glory of the Jelly Fish Nebula. Light from this star reached Earth 30,000 years ago. Goddamn. I don’t know what you were doing back then, but I was tilling the plutonium fields for the Hyper-Evolved Shark people who roamed the world. Shame they were eradicated by the common cold.
First look: Katniss and Finnick in ‘CATCHING FIRE.’ Everyone go nuts.
It’s Katniss! It’s that guy whose name I don’t know, playing Finnick. They’re all posing, looking serious, rubbing up against one another. Wee.
‘FIFTY SHADES OF GREY’ movie to be rated NC-17. Maybe.
Yeah, I know I’m fucked up. However, when I’m imagining Fifty Shades of Grey being rated NC-17, I imagine two things. First is a legion of unsatisfied middle aged women diddling themselves in the theater. Gross, I know. What I also imagine is a legion of unsatisfied middle aged women passing out when they finally see what they had been reading about.
Chinese guy pleads guilty to pirating $100 million of military software. Laters!
Listen. I’ve been catching up on the second season of Homeland (no spoilers!), so I know how this story ends. Some jail cell somewhere, where the person in question whittles away the days by writing their memoirs in rectal blood. So it comes to pass. Don’t blame me, blame the game.
