Obviously the fact that some shitty Twilight fanfic was published and became a surprise bestseller means I should polish up all the fanfiction I wrote in high school and make bank.

I’m sure you can guess my feelings on the Twilight franchise; they’re right up there with my feelings on the MPAA. But they don’t come close  to my feelings on this piece of shit story (“50 Shades of Grey”) with its atrocious writing. No, seriously, that is an actual excerpt. And just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, Universal and Focus Features bought the film rights.

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The final heavy hitter in BioShock: Infinite  has been revealed, and it is my favorite to date. Levine and company have dropped the Siren on our asses, a enemy that’s guaranteed to turn me into a damage sponge as I try and vain to take her out.

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I was trying to get some goddamn work done last night when my Significantly Better Half was giggling across the room. I thought maybe my balls had slipped out of their undies and were now dangling like the monsters gravity has turned them into. Not this time! She was laughing at this new video by the Oatmeal and Sarah Donner. It’s out of its heavy, and catchy to boot.

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Hello friends, foreigners, stragglers. If you oft come to the Omega Level – you poor fucks – you may have noticed that we recently dropped some advertising up in this son of a bitch. I figured that an explanation was worthy of being vomited out, since if you don’t use an ad blocker (and if you love me you won’t, because I have child support to pay god dammit! [that’s a lie]) you’ve noticed some hocking and whoring taking up what precious little space we have around these parts.

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This is that time when everyone in the Justice League was totally bogged down with having to perpetually serve as the Bulwark for the fat asses and slack jawed of the world. They rallied through a day at the local Renaissance Faire, spending too much time drinking mead and yelling boisterously at the bards and wenches. Superman puked. On Hal Jordan’s balls. It smelled like roast chicken and saw dust.

I love me some Alan Wake. Due to this love, I was pretty excited when the XBLA joint Alan Wake: American Nightmare  dropped last month. It wasn’t a full-on sequel, but it appeased the glands. The juicy Wake glands. Temporarily. Now that there’s news that the developers behind this series are hiring for some next-gen shiz, I’m the excite. Could it be? A real sequel?

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My hatred of the MPAA is legend. I’m pretty sure sonnets have been written about it, 14 lines of iambic pentameter detailing just how much I seethe whenever I see something like The Hunger Games (which I loved, granted, but it’s a film about children murdering each other for sport) get a PG-13 rating but something with sex or swearing automatically gets slapped with an R. Remember the 70s and 80s when boobs, a bunch of “shit”s, and 1-2 “fuck”s would get you PG? I do. Good times.

The shitshow that stemmed from the documentary Bully getting an R rating was amazing. People were de-crying the MPAA, as they should, since they’re holding onto an archaic rating system that either needs serious revamping or abolishment altogether, and the MPAA just looked like the bunch of Bible-thumping assholes they are. Everyone, from the common man to A-list celebs, appealed to the MPAA to lower the rating to PG-13. A few “fucks” shouldn’t be the reason the film was kept from the people who needed to see it — namely everyone between the ages of 10 – 18. But, naturally, the MPAA was like, “WE’RE NOT CHANGING THE RATING AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO DEFY US.”

So the Weinstein Company said, “Well, watch this.”

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When I’m a famous writer (I know, it’s never going to happen) I’m going to embed a discarded novel in the buried digi-bytes of a rudimentary and trite story. I will also discard this novel on a USB drive in a sewer somewhere. If this story about Van Gogh teaches me anything, it is that in a hundred years or so both will be discovered to the acclaim of all.

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Its 3AM and my mind is melting.   I saw this post on the interewebs the other day.   It’s been in my dreams ever since.   The premise is that a Wizard appears out of nowhere and offers you one of these objects.   Hit the jump if you dare.

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For your sake, I hope you never have to live life as I do – in the mindset of a crotchety old man.

Sometimes, when I’m especially tired or caffeine-deprived, I can’t help but see change as anything but a pain in the ass. I mean, if you’ve been frequenting Omega-Level regularly, you’ll have noticed a number of recent additions. I should be excited. Really. Instead, I find myself grumbling under my breath, waxing nostalgic for the glory days of OL that never existed.

I mean, why shouldn’t I be excited about all the advertisements on the site? Not only do I get to share my thoughts with the world, but I get to help hawk products such as Norwich University, Dragons of Atlantis, and eFax!

Get `em while they’re hot, suckahs!

Moreover, this site is now rife with all sorts of strange characters! There’re sneaks amongst us, vaginas sliding into the fold, and probably a couple of freaks fiendin’ for another teleportation rape-dream! It’s a veritable gathering!

Okay – time to take an Alka Seltzer and plow through this post.

Thissere’s the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! You don’t even have to be a cantankerous bastard like me to know that the workweek sucks. As such, I’m going to show you some of the bits of entertainment I’ll be using to survive until the weekend. Your task is to hit up the comments and show off the various ways you’ll be ignoring the overwhelming responsibilities of real life.

Pull your damn pants up and let’s do this!

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