I stumbled across this forthcoming video today. It’s a bunch of chicks dancing in a graveyard. Yeah. I thought it was weird when it was a bunch of women booty poppin’ on gravestones, but around midway through, they start crawling walls and humping them and shit while booty poppin’. It’s both a highwater mark and utter nadir for humanity. Check it out after the jump and begin to weep for humanity.

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I really don’t have to do much talking. Just file under: Things too odd to be true. Like, seriously. Bayonetta has to be the most sexualized game in recent memory. Jesus, God damn.

Via Destructoid:

Japanese porn distributor V and I may have different ideas on what is and isn’t sexy, but when it comes to Bayonetta, it appears we’re both pulling in the right direction. V is known for such adult entertainment as Would You Like To Get An Enema Until You Poop? and I Saw A Bowel Movement! but it’s put the feces aside for one day to honor Bayonetta (star of Bayonetta), dubbing her the “number one erotic actress of 2009.”

“This right here is high-grade peeping,” claims V. We’ve been assured that peeping isn’t a typo, which can only be deemed a blessed relief. The porn maker has also deemed Bayonetta’s hair movements “erotic.”

It’s good to know that even in my most depraved moments, there are people out there that make me look like a choir boy. And oh yeah, if you don’t know what scat is, do yourself a favor and don’t google it at work. Or ever, for that matter.

With only a few days left in the OCTOBERFEAST, I’m sure that there is some speculation underfoot. After all, there are certainly fewer available spots than there are candidates with which to fill them. It’s an unfortunate fact, but not every kooky-ass, ghoulish autumn activity/movie/song/memory makes the cut, so don’t throw a hissy fit when your favorite is excluded. Maybe next year will prove successful.

I’ve had some guesses thrown my way as to what the main course of the OCTOBERFEAST will be. I could tell you, but I value the few hits OL gets every day; you’re just going to have to keep on reading. However, I will tell you what it is not: Halloween.

Don’t get me wrong, the movie Halloween is great and everything. Before  selling doo-doo yogurt, Jamie Lee Curtis was famous because of Halloween, which is saying something. I guess. Or is it? Hey, remember True Lies? Yeah, who could forget?

Anyways, Halloween is not included in the OCTOBERFEAST. Maybe it’s too obvious. Maybe I’m just surly. Or maybe it’s because the film’s antagonist is no longer the most horrifying being with the name Michael Myers.

However, what this twenty-seventh day of FEAST’ing does include is the theme from Halloween…as performed by Secret Chiefs 3.

Earlier this year, I saw Secret Chiefs 3 open up for Les Claypool. I had never heard of the band, but was quite impressed. Not only were they super tight, energetic, and generally good sounding, but they also performed in druid-robes. It was sick.

Turning to the hippie rocking out to my left, I asked about the band. He informed me of their name and the fact that they were formed by Trey Spruance. For those of you unfamiliar with Spruance, he was the guitarist for Mr. Bungle and played on Faith No More’s King for a Day…Fool for a Lifetime. So if you like that stuff, maybe you’ll like Secret Chiefs 3. Honestly, I haven’t checked out the band’s albums so I can’t really say.

But about halfway through the set, Secret Chiefs 3 busted into the only tune of theirs I’d recognize: the familiar theme from Halloween. I find the original version of the song terribly creepy — listen to those notes in the dark and you’re bound to look over your shoulder. While Secret Chief 3’s rendition isn’t necessarily as haunting, I think it brings an electricity and liveliness distinguishable from the original.

Check out the video below. The actual footage is pretty bogus, but listening to the audio while you do something else will be worthwhile.

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In the words of Vigo the Carpathian, “Now is the season of evil.” Yeah Vigo, that is a pretty good way to sum up the OCTOBERFEAST.   But that doesn’t mean we can’t take the opportunity to laugh our asses off — it just has to be done with a *spooky* theme. If only there were a classic comedy that made use of some of horror’s most recognizable characters…

Oh shit. If I didn’t include this movie, Mrs. Krueger would give me a goddamn dragon uppercut. She’s never even played Street Fighter but last time she did it she knocked out an incisor. True story.

OCTOBERFEAST has reserved a more than well-deserved spot for Mel Brooks’ Young Frankenstein. Written by Gene Wilder (who also plays the lead), the feature chronicles the exploits of the grandson of the infamous Dr. Frankenstein. The descendent initially wants nothing to do with his ancestor’s legacy, distancing himself at every opportunity and making sure to pronounce his surname [Fronk-en-steen]. However, there is a matter to settle with his family’s estate, and he has to  travel to the scene of his grandfather’s crime!

Once in Transylvania, the Young Frankenstein comes across a number of characters that threaten to steal the film from him. There’s Inga, the flirtatious lab assistant played by Teri Garr who is so good looking in this movie that it really depresses me to think of how she looks now. Frau Blucher is the beyond-homely, elderly servant of the Frankenstein estate whose very name evokes the naying of horses throughout the entire movie. And then there’s Igor, the hunchbacked servant played by the kooky-eyed Marty Feldman.

While all the characters in Young Frankenstein are brilliant, there is a terrific wit emitting from Igor that just elevates him to a higher plateau. Just watch how he handles one of his duties as servant:

I’m not the type of guy who worships at the altar of the supposed classics. If anything, I miss out on a lot of cool shit because I respond to seemingly unanimous praise with an overabundance of skepticism. But Young Frankenstein deserves the acclaim. Every scene delivers and no member of the ensemble cast is wasted. Gene Hackman’s brief appearance as a lonely hermit supports this claim:

Young Frankenstein is not only a great Halloween movie, but a great comedy as well. If you’ve enjoyed Mel Brooks’ other films, try this one on for size. And if you don’t like Mel Brooks…well, then you’re probably an asshole.

Search Engine Terms! For Valhalla! I haven’t checked these recently, but I thought that this search engine term was particularly rad.

My name is fucking Qui Gon!

I wish this was some sort of deleted scene, where Qui-Gon went all Maximus from Gladiator on some Sith motherfuckers. He’ll have his midiclorians in this life of the next!

Naw, instead he just dies, and takes with him the only redeemable acting job in the prequels. Fuck you, I said it.

Ah, Bioshock 2. I’m torn on the game. On one hand, I don’t think the original needs a sequel. It’s brilliant. I’d even call it a work of art, if I felt like defending my opinion. But I don’t, so there. You can have your four-thousand word essays debating games as art.

So anything that tries to add upon the original gets an initial “Why bother?” I mean, it was about as stand-alone as you can get in a game. The response to the “Why bother?” is pretty simple.

1. It’s going to make money. Lots, and lots of money.
2. Fanboys like myself will go bananas getting a shot to delve once again in Rapture.

Artistic integrity (which, may or may not even exist, that’s another four-thousand word essay) versus fan service and capitalism! Fight! No seriously, don’t, I can’t care what you have to say. Bust out the lube and check out the new Bioshock 2 trailer after the jump.

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There’s a ton of sweet-ass new Final Fantasy XIII images over at Destructoid.

Gotta give it up to the dialogue they decided to translate:

SHUT UP AND COME QUIET

File under: Not a coincidence. Sorry Fing Fang Foom, or whatever your name is, I ain’t a quiet kind of guy. I usually switch it up between “Shazam, Shazam, Shazam!” or “BY THE POWER OF GREY SKULL” when I’m rocketing an orgasm. As an aside, Fing Fang Foom looks like Rinoa after she decided to defy her parents, and get a shitty tattoo that Jecht from Final Fantasy X was all like “No seriously, you’ll look fucking AWESOME if you get this.”

Never trust a dude with bandana*

(Snake is the exception that proves the rule.)

Further proof that Japan is awesome? This fucking marketing scheme:

Via Kotaku:

With the game days away from release in Japan, the SEGA Bayonetta marketing blitz continues. The latest are large posters in Shinjuku Station’s with fliers than can be pulled off.

Giant ass posters out in the public, that encourage people to yank off Bayonetta fliers to reveal the babe underneath? This is fucking brilliant. Especially when it yields this:

Seriously. I don’t really have any other words. How ridiculously fucking awesome is this? I need to create a Bayonetta category, because really all I want to talk about is this game. And her. Oh sweet her. Listen, it’s not like I’m obsessed with her. But I’d dump Too Good For Me Girlfriend in a second for her. Just kidding baby. Wink, wink.

This is the lovely week of Halloween! Let me tell you something, as much as Pepsibones apparently loves the holiday, I couldn’t give less of a fuck. Here’s what I’ll be enjoying aside from dressing up as something shitty and playing beer pong on Saturday evening.

Monday Morning Commute. Every Monday I’m going to detail the various things I’m either currently or will be watching, reading, playing, and listening to in the next seven days. It’s Monday. You’ve got a long week of school, work, or compulsive masturbation to get through. Tell me the arts that you’re indulging in, to stave off suicide.

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