We’ve come a long way baby, #FatBoySlim, whatever.
Nintendo is partnering with DeNA to develop mobile games. The fuck: it ain’t going to be porting nothing, just creating new content. They also teased new hardware, codenamed “NX.” The fuck: I just bought a fucking Wii U!
Fuck yeah! The new Butcher Billy jam is here, and this time he is taking his talents to anarchy. The pop-cultural remixing maestro has exorcised the glimmer of the Mushroom Kingdom from Mario’s soul, replacing the sheen with a gritty Sid & Nancy vibe. The winners? All of us.
Need that perfect Valentine’s Day gift? How about matching Bowser and Peach tattoos. Fellas, nothing says I love you like ghosts, fireballs, and castles. Ladies, there’s nothing that gets out fires lit like old 8-bit nostalgia.
I don’t get you, Minecraft. But I want to. Oh, I so do. I don’t get how someone created Super Mario Bros. 1-1 within your walls, but that doesn’t matter. It is still damn impressive.
Nintendo are keen on poking the bear this week. For the purposes of this metaphor I shall be playing the bear and the poking stick is represented by the recent glut of Wii U announcements. They’re poking me into a fevered state where I suddenly find myself compelled to pre-order a brand new console and then feel dirty about it afterwards. I have some genuine soul-searching to do.
Nintendo is going to launch their next console sensibly, which is to say with a Mario game. They’ll be showing it at this year’s E3, and I totally can’t wait. Okay, I can wait. Can you?
If you were expecting anything other than Ron Jeremy dressed as Mario, sorry to disappoint.
Dark times, my friends. Dark times indeed. Hirokazu Yasuhara is the co-creator of Sonic the Hedgehog. A goddamn icon. Despite being partly responsible for the most x-treme character ever, the good sir has crossed war lines. Defected to the USSR.