This is a bit shocking to me. Folks, there has been a separation of unfathomable gaming magnitude. I never thought I’d see the day that Dude Huge would leave Epic Games. Dude went together with them like Miyamoto and Nintendo, Kojima and Konami. Up is down, left is right. Dorks with really honest replicas of Lancers are unknowing who to get to sign them. This is pandemonium.
Want to turn your room into a 3D environment used for gaming? Fuck you! Didn’t you learn anything from Bradbury’s The Veldt? For those of you unwashed automatons, your dreams could be coming true. Yes, yes. Give into the wave of complacency. Moreso than usual, obviously.
A gamer energy drink that will make my dong throb to the drums of war is something I’ve always wanted. Starting…right around the time I read this article. Actually, the entire thing would be somewhat terrible, for I am already an ADD-nightmare when it comes to gaming. I imagine having an uncomfortable Excalibur laying down my thigh would only exacerbate my suckitude at gaming.
Shane Butcher is pushing his chips into the center of the fucking table. Dude is cashing out, selling his entire existence on eBay. Everything must go, from kayaks to a chain of gaming stores. Anyone want to pool our money and buy this dude’s American Dream?
Just today I was wondering what the fuck was going on with the Mass Effect 3: Unfucked Ending, and no sooner do I dwell on it some info turns up. My mind has fucking powers! Imagining…Scarlett Johansson. She’s here guys. Be to the right back.
Shinji Mikami created Resident Evil and a shitload of other shit, but don’t let that give you the impression he is sitting on his ass. No fucking way! Creators create. After dominating pretty much everything ever in the world the dude is rolling up more survival horror goodness on Bethesda’s dime.
Welcome to Press Start!, the weekly column where we blab about the happenings in the world of gaming in the past seven days. It’s done-up as a list, ‘cause motherfuckers love lists. Audience participation is encouraged, so if you see something absent from the list let’s get some dialogue going in the comments section. However as you make your way to the microphone be mindful of the urine-and-tacks filled balloons hanging above. They will punish the spiteful.
I knew yesterday felt special. Normally whenever there’s holiday, my taint grease gets a bit thicker. It’s the excitement. I just couldn’t figure out why yesterday felt special, why the grease was congealing so quickly. Now I do! Fucking Pac-Man Wow Day!
Confession time sans any shame: When I was a wee boy, I would run around in my backyard, sword-stick in hand, playing in imaginary worlds that were mostly inspired by the 8-bit NES maps in Final Fantasy and Legend of Zelda. These worlds, grand for a little awesome kid, offered the perfect bird’s-eye view of spatial possibilities, offsetting where you could and could not go–that is, until a major weapon, accessory, magic, or tip was found that would be duly employed to blast through any and all obstacles. Needless to say, life was good. But now that I am old and boring and my penchant for whimsically running around in my backyard returns to me only when I am drunk or deranged, such fancies have passed from my everyday existence–until now. Clearly on a similar wavelength, the gamers behind Google Maps dropped an 8-bit April Fools masterpiece on the world. Take a bird’s-eye view after the jump.
Here’s an ass load (probably a pun in this context) of video games’ box art done up as porn parodies. I can’t tell if the cheesy almost groan-worthy titles are on the creator’s part, or they’re simply fulfilling the non-clever-but-amusing porn title manifesto. Analo? Really? Sounds…silly (send me a copy). The whole thing is validated by the Samus In Latex cover.
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