Posts Tagged ‘Fallout: New Vegas’

Fallout: New Vegas Features Robot Fisting. I’m Not Kidding.

Saturday, August 28th, 2010

And a good god damn. I knew that I was going to love Fallout: New Vegas. I just didn’t realize that it was going to cater to someone as warped and depraved as myself. Like, seriously. This game is going to feature (suggestions only, unfortunately) robotic fisting? You have to be god damn kidding me.

ESRB Rating via Destructoid:

There is also an extended sequence suggesting (no depiction) sexual activity with a robot (e.g., “Fisto reporting for duty . . . Please assume the position,” “I suppose I should test you out . . . Servos active!” and “Something wrong with someone if they got to f**k a machine.”).

Fucking stupendous. I wish I could describe to you how funny I find the suggestion of getting fucked by a robot, or more properly, fisted by one. And the fact that this is being featured in a big market game makes me hopeful that someday when the world of overrun by the robot apocalypse, they shall spare a whole legion of people like me, who were way ahead of the curve on the idea of Robot-Human fluid-based interfacting.

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Pixelation: Vanquish And Fallout: New Vegas Share A Release Date. Ultra Frak Combo.

Wednesday, August 25th, 2010

[pixelation | weekly gaming & life column every wednesday or uh thursday or even more uh, friday]

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Oh god dammit. I was curious yesterday as to how my gaming schedule was going to look this Fall. I knew that Vanquish and Fallout: New Vegas were dropping close to one another. I just wasn’t sure how close. And that shit is integral for a variety of reasons. Namely, money and time. It seems like a lot of bullshit comes down to money and time.

So I cue up Gamestop.

Flip between the two pages.

And that’s when I realize that I’m fucking fucked in the fuckhole.

Son of a bitch!

Why do the gaming gods hate me so? Droppin’ two of my favorite games on the same day? Not only is it monetarily Super Rape Time to even contemplate getting the two games on the same day, but it’s also completely impossible to consider squeezing any sort of Super Action Mech Time into my Wasteland wandering. Son of a bitch!

…Motherfuckers, too. If this was last year I’d just pick them up on the same day, and watch as my backlog swells while my wallet diminishes. Don’t tell my girlfriend or parents, but I think I’ve shown some maturity in realizing something: I need to pick one and put off the other. I think I may be evolving. I mean, let’s not go crazy, I’m probably going to publish this article and then go masturbate before playing two hours of Modern Warfare 2.

But hey man, progress is slow.

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Wayne Newton Is In Fallout: New Vegas. We All Win. All of Us. You Too.

Tuesday, August 10th, 2010

Motherfucking Wayne Newton is going to be in Fallout: New Vegas. It wasn’t like I needed another reason to be excited for the next Wasteland Party Romp, but with the reveal of the voice acting, god dammit I have it.

Kotaku:

Newton is in the game as the disembodied voice of a radio DJ long dead. Which is a bit of a shame. You’d think that were an atomic apocalypse to strike, the only things that would survive in Las Vegas would be cockroaches and Wayne Newton. And maybe Cher,

Other actors signed to lend their vocal talents to the game include Kris Kristofferson, Felicia Day, Ron Perlman, Michael “Worf” Dorn and…Matthew Perry.

Good god damn! Wayne Newton and every nerd’s dream girl Felicia Day in the same voice acting class?

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Kmart Brings the (Atomic) Heat With Fallout: New Vegas Coasters

Friday, August 6th, 2010

Enlarge.

Son of a bitch, you’re saying I may actually have to go to fucking Kmart? There are no words.

Destructoid:

Bethesda has something strange going on with retailer Kmart. With a $5 purchase of the Fallout coaster set seen above, you will get a $15 Video Game Savings coupon that will be redeemable the week of the Fallout: New Vegas release. It’s like a strangely worded pre-order offer with bonus gift. Who cares how it goes down, though. It’s Fallout coasters!

What a weird and strangely enticing promotion. Now, as far as Big Box Middle-America-Smashing Uber-Juggernaut stores go, I’m a Target man myself. But now? Well, Kmart is throwing down the gauntlet. Fighting cheaply, rubbing Fallout: New Vegas goodies in my face.

Frak.

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Fallout: New Vegas Advertisement Disses JRPGs, I Moan In Excitement

Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010

I haven’t beaten Final Fantasy XIII yet, but I’ve played Fallout 3 and the Mass Effect series until my eyes have bled. So you can imagine how I feel about the JRPG/Bethesda & Bioware divide. Which is why this advertisement makes me giggle like a little fanboy. Giggle, giggle!

Andriasang:

Says one, “A game where you just follow the scenario is like living life on rails.”

Another: “What’s the point of playing again if there’s no change to the story.”

The girl to the left: “When did games become something that you watch?”

The tall one in back: “I think it would be nice if the main character had a mission aside from just wiping out evil.”

Suggests the one sitting in front: “”The world has been prepared. After that, you’re free to do as you please!”

Now, I don’t know how well this sort of advertisement will go over in Japan, where its directed. They obviously love them some JRPG. But for a dork like me who just wants to run around an open world, free from groan-inducing pronouncements and hand-holding, its pure nerd cattiness.

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E3 Fallout: New Vegas Trailer Brings Gameplay That’s Atom Bomb Hot

Sunday, June 13th, 2010

Nuclear Sunset

The E3 2010 hype continues, this time in the form of a Fallout: New Vegas trailer with old-ass music, wastelands, and ridiculously gorgeous gameplay. I’m ready, ready like woah for this game. I’ve already begun building a replica bunker from which I shall play the game. I will only leave it every thirty-six hours to scowl at the sky, and feel sun accentuating the sores and gunk-filth coating my unwashed, withering body. Are you in on this commitment to the game with me? Hit the jump for the gorgeous trailer.

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OH Shiz! Fallout: New Vegas Gameplay Footage!

Friday, June 4th, 2010

!

Fuck to the yeah, Fallout: New Vegas footage. This game is the number one source of my polygonal dicklust, and everytime something new leaks out about it, all my juicy parts begin to leak as well. Pad your seat in absorbent materials, put on your radioactive war face, and hit the jump to check out the video.

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Fallout: New Vegas Collector’s Edition Is Lesson In Awesome

Tuesday, May 11th, 2010

fnv-collector-small

[click to enlarge]

I don’t usually buy collector’s editions. In fact, I usually spend my time making fun of them. But I’m also a hypocritical asshole. That said, it’s going to take a lot of self-control for me to not buy this bad boy. It contains:

via all games beta:

• Seven “Lucky 7” poker chips, each designed to represent chips from the major casinos found on the New Vegas strip and throughout the Mojave Wasteland.

• A fully customized Fallout: New Vegas deck of cards. Each card in the pack has been uniquely illustrated to depict characters and factions found within the game. Use the cards to play poker, blackjack or Caravan, an original card game that was created by Obsidian especially for New Vegas.

• A recreation of the game’s highly coveted “Lucky 38” platinum chip.

• A hardcover graphic novel “All Roads” that tells the story of some of the characters and events that lead up to Fallout: New Vegas. “All Roads” was written by Chris Avellone, the game’s creative director, and created in conjunction with Dark Horse Comics.

• ‘The Making of Fallout: New Vegas’ DVD. This documentary DVD will contain exclusive video content, including interviews with the developers in which they take you from concept to creation and discuss topics such as story, setting, legacy of the Fallout franchise and more.

Do want.

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Fallout: New Vegas Images From IGN Promote Gamma Irradiated Climaxes

Friday, April 30th, 2010

Sexy Destruction

[click for entire sexy wasteland painting]

IGN is bringing the heat with these Fallout: New Vegas images from their preview. Jesus Christ, this game is going to be hot. As hot as an atomic bomb! Fucking get it!?! No! Fuck you!

Click the images to embiggen them.

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Burn the Evil!

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