#December2013

‘FALLOUT 4′ IS REAL, LEAKED DOCUMENTS CONFIRM. BOSTON A-GO-GO.

Fallout 4.

Fuck you,  Bethesda! Not releasing anything. Fuck you, Troll Guy who created the fake Fallout 4 website.. Fallout 4 is real and Fallout 4 is set in Massachusetts. I’m so fucking sprung right now. Typing with my painfully swollen nerd-dong. God, get this game in me already.

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‘FALLOUT 4′ TEASER SITE is revealed as FAKE. F**K S**T ASS.

Fallout

OH FUCKING GOD DAMMIT. May the soul who perpetuated this most horrid fib (honestly perhaps the most egregiously malicious lie in all of history) get razor-blade laced diarrhea. Whilst they stand outside in a tsunami of blood and animal carcasses. Fuck.

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‘FALLOUT 4′ TEASER SITE proclaims that NUCLEAR WINTER IS COMING. As Am I.

Fallout 4.

Sweet Merciful Dingleberries, how the fuck did I miss this?! How did I?! Not only is there a fucking teaser site for Fallout 4, but it has itself one of them bona fide hype-inducing countdowns. Jesus Christ.

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BETHESDA VP OF PR: NINTENDO’S time to convince publishers about WII U is LIKE WAY PASSED

Super Sad Mario Time.

Sorry Nintendo Friends. (And listen, I’ll end up buying a Wii U at some point because of Mario Nebula or whatever, so it isn’t like I hate the company.) That huge third-party push that you’ve been waiting for the Wii U to receive is probably never going to happen. According to the VP Czar of Bethesda’s Propaganda Branch, the window during which Nintendo could have convinced publishers to come to their last-next-somewhere generation system has closed.

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New BETHESDA game is a SHINJI MIKAMI jam. I’m all about that life!

Shinji Mikami, motherfuckers.

Well, shit. I certainly didn’t see this coming. It ain’t Fallout 4, and for that I’m going to rope-a-dope by balls with a frozen sirloin steak. It is what must be done. It ain’t the end of the world, though. Shinji Mikami. Bethesda. I’ll take it.

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Watch: BETHESDA TEASER TRAILER…for mystery game.

Bethesda.

Bethesda’s website has a six-second teaser for something. I’ll be titty-fucked by a kangaroo before I know what it is for, though.

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‘FALLOUT’ 4 F**KING PLEASE: Bethesda promises to make ‘more noise’ this year.

Fallout

Bethesda has promised to make “more noise” this year within the gaming world. If this noise doesn’t consist of the drums of war, following the nuclear Armageddon, I’m going to be pissed. I have patiently waited five fucking years. Give me Fallout 4.

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Bethesda hiring for unannounced NEXT-GEN CONSOLE GAME. Fallout 5: New Tokyo?!

Fallout is fucking back

Bethesda is hiring for an unannounced next-gen game. If I had my druthers, I would bet that it is Fallout 5: New Tokyo, starring Vin Diesel. Perhaps fortunately I am broke, and so those who are smart enough to take me up on that bet are incapable of doing so.

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‘SKYRIM: DAWNGUARD’ DLC TRAILER: I’ve Missed You, You Son Of A Bitch

It’s been a spell since I’ve snuggled up against the  arctic  loins of Skyrim. During our separation, my heart has indeed grown fonder. I find myself thinking of the game, fingering the bauble it left me for Christmas. My heart yearns, and so it shall be answered. Here’s the trailer for our upcoming reunion, the DLC Dawnguard.

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‘SKYRIM’ Gets Mounted Combat. Great, Where’s My F**king Flying Mount?

Skyrim  continues to pick up righteous amendments courtesy of Bethesda’s sizzle reel. It’s all great, grand, wonderful. However I will not be sated until I get a flying dragon mount.

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