#August2012

OL STORE: Biff’s Secret to Success

Hey, come over here! Don’t worry, there’s plenty of parking in front of the OL STORE! Hell, the spaces are spacious, too — you can comfortably park any vehicle, even that DeLorean of yours. Give the Flux Capacitor a chance to cool down, and come on inside!

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‘STAR WARS’ characters done up as 1980s teens. Denis Medri’s art dominates.

Denis Medri has imagined Star Wars characters as teens in the 1980s, and the result is about as balling as you would expect. There is nothing like multi-cultural-inbreeding to bring out the rampant nostalgia beasts. They have like a zillion horns, drink only at soda foundations, and have been known to demand their McDonald’s in styrofoam.

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OPEN FOR BUSINESS: The OL Store!

Come one, come all! This day’s been in the making for longer than we’d like to admit, but it’s finally here! Today, we officially open the OL STORE!

We’ve taken the same overcaffeinated, slightly-delusional, fun-lovin’ panache we put into our posts and smeared it all over some t-shirts. The result? Nerd-culture t-shirts that’re bound to inspire conversation wherever you go – the supermarket checkout line, the watering hole of your choice, or your weekly D&D session.

Round One of the great OL STORE battle royale sees eight different designs climbin’ into the ring. Hit the jump to hyperspace, grab an ice-cold Pepsi, and check out our wares!

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Mattel Finally Releasing Hoverboard From ‘Back To The Future’. Praise Be!

Holy balls!, the hoverboard from Back To The Future is finally getting some love in the tangible form. All right, so it doesn’t exactly hover. The makers do claim that it “glides over most surfaces”, which is more than good enough for my manchild ass.

Hit the jump for details and pictures.

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Back to the Confessional Booth.

Face of a Franchise: Jennifer Parker

[face of a franchise presents two individuals that’ve fulfilled the same role. your task — choose the better of the two and defend your choice in the rancor pit that is the comments section]

Take a look at the image above. Good lookin’ babes, huh? Slightly over-the-hill, no doubt, but these ladies seemed to have aged more like wine than vinegar. And hell, who doesn’t like a nice cougar? America’s been lusting after slutty old broads for the last forty-four years.

True beauty transcends time. And so do these babes.

One of the most important plot elements of Back to the Future is that Marty is going to fuck his girlfriend Jennifer Parker during a weekend retreat. He’s really pumped about the prospect, especially since it’ll cheer him up after having been smoked in the battle of the bands audition. Unfortunately, his pussy of a father loans the family car to his shitbird boss, who of course smashes it up while drunk. As a result, Marty goes back in time to rewrite history so that he can bang Jennifer whenever he pleases.

Or something.

In any case, the role of Jennifer Parker was first rocked by Claudia Wells. The actress did a superb job of inducing boners, thereby helping viewers of Back to the Future further sympathize with the protagonist (and his carnal desires). Had a lesser-quality woman taken the role, society may have never experienced a collective erection and this modern-classic may have fallen by the wayside.

*HOWEVER*

Due to an illness in the family, Claudia Wells was unable to participate the second two chapters of the BTTF trilogy. As a result, Elisabeth Shue assumed the role of Jennifer. With Shue’s performance, the audience was able to glimpse into the year 2015 and see what Marty McFly’s future turmoil could look like. The second and third flicks featured Jennifer much more prominently, requiring more screen time from Shue than her predecessor.

Claudia Wells defined the role, but then bowed out and pretty much faded into obscurity. Elisabeth Shue spent way more time as the character, but was just going through the motions someone else choreographed.

So – who do you think is the better Jennifer Parker?

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DEFEAT. 024 – The Hero Gets the Girl

[DEFEAT. is Rendar Frankenstein's truest attempt at fiction.   Presented in weekly episodes, the novella tells the tale of Daryl Millar - a hero who dies at the intersection of pop culture, science-fiction, war epic, and fantasy]

Daryl leaned forwards and Vanessa leaned backwards. The hero planted a kiss on his girl’s neck. There was enthusiasm only teens are capable of, a willingness to jump right into the thick of things without worrying about details. And that was for the best, too, ‘cause if Daryl started thinking about the particulars he’d have realized he had no clue as to what the fuck he was doing.

Or, more appropriately, how to do the fucking.

But that didn’t matter, because Daryl was a teenager. And as such, he was imbued with that special prowess of life that is lost when one allows bills and taxes and getting to the office on time and counting calories and changing the batteries in the smoke alarm to take precedence. When that happens life is no longer an experience but a goddamn calculation. Less of something to enjoy and more of something to figure out. Not a gift, but an expense.

Daryl and Vanessa didn’t concern themselves with such misdirecting thoughts. Instead, they went full-throttle into one another, grappling with a passion that could’ve been mistaken for violence had clothes not been removed. Neither had ever gone all the way before, but there was no doubt in either’s mind now.

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DEFEAT. 013 – Get Off of the Roads!

[DEFEAT. is Rendar Frankenstein's truest attempt at fiction.   Presented in weekly episodes, the novella tells the tale of Daryl Millar - a hero who dies at the intersection of pop culture, science-fiction, war epic, and fantasy]

The car stopped just long enough for Daryl to explode out of its passenger door. As eager as he was to get into school with enough time to return 8-Bit’s copy of The Dark Knight Falls, Daryl’s mother was twice as eager to see Jane Pauley and Bryant Gumbel interview whoever. And so the Volvo screeched, peeling out just as Mrs. Millar’s foot told it to.

This provided the man in the gray trench coat the voyeuristic advantage that had eluded him the previous morning. The man got an unencumbered look at the accelerating teen. And since Daryl had no clue that he was being watched, the man in the trench coat afforded himself the luxury of peeking over the top of the sunglasses that barely rested on the tip of his nose. “Yes,” he muttered to himself in near-disbelief, “this is exactly right. It’s so surreal. No, no, that’s not it. Just real.”

From the trench coat a ratty spiral bound journal was removed by a slightly trembling hand. The spy, now seemingly aware that others may question his lurking, scribbled his notes quickly. Returning the journal to the safety of his oversized coat, he snuck behind the bushes and out of the scene.

At the same time, 8-Bit was admiring the graffiti and clever bits of vandalism adorning the inside of his locker.

Where’s the beef?
Charlotte gives good head
Led Zep rokks!

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Marty McFlies Again!; Michael J. Fox Recreates Back To The Future Trailer Shot-For-Shot

Oh shiz! One of my favorite time killers between friends is to give Pepsibones and the programmer of this site, Senor Pedophilia a hard time when it comes to the Back to the Future sequels. Namely, I point out that they fucking suck. They recoil, and repel my aspersions. Time goes on. We chuckle. Hidden underneath that is the fact that I fucking love the original movie. A love I have to bury, lest it come into hurting my assholery.

But!, today burning up the internets is Back to the Future hotness. Michael J. Fox has recreated the Back To The Future trailer, shot-for-shot to promote the 2010 Scream Awards on Spike. God bless the nostalgia that will run down your spine, should you have been lucky enough to experience McFly back in the day.

Hit the jump for the nostalgic recreation, and the original for comparison.

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