These Captain America scans from the latest Entertainment Weekly came out today as I was literally walking out the door to school. A quick check of my Twitter feed saw their appearance, but I was forced to be all responsible and go to school and such. Fucking shit. Now that they’ve been around for eight hours, they’re roughly nine-zillion years old in internet time, and you’ve seen them a million times.

Sry, sry, yo! But if you haven’t seen them, hit the jump.

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[images & words is the comic book pick-of-the-week at OL. equal parts review and diatribe, the post highlights the most memorable/infuriating/entertaining book released that wednesday]

Superman: Earth One isn’t my favorite comics release of the week. Nor is it my least favorite. What the book is successful in doing is piquing my interest, making me wonder about the greater implications of retelling classic comics stories through a series of original graphic novels. Even upon the first read, I truly think that Superman: Earth One may have the power to change the comics industry – either by introducing new readers the beauty of the medium or reaffirming Hollywood’s belief that comics are merely storyboards for movies.

Take a breath. Take a sip of Diet Shasta Orange. Take a seat upon my weekly comics-rambling.

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[OCTOBERFEAST is the greatest celebration of the year, a revelry dedicated to pop-culture’s most nutritious Halloween detritus. Plastic screams and artificial sweeteners have never been more bountiful. In the old country, villagers refer to the extended party as Satan’s Snacktime]

Edgar Allan Poe – writer extraordinaire or drug-addled lunatic?

Both.

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Back in the day, before Bungie had made Master Chief fanboy douchebags out of all of us, they were a bit strapped for cash. Looking for a sugar daddy to support them, former project lead Tuncer Deniz decided to hit up Daddy Stevey Jobs for some cash flow. Too busy trying to figure out ways to exploit all of us with over-priced, sexy, shiny objects (I’m a sucker for it), Jobs decided to demur and pass on the then fledgling studio.

For a bit.

Somewhere in his cranium, Jobs then decided that he would indeed like to very much purchase them. The only problem? Motherfuckin’ archnemesis Microsoft had swooped in, and bought them all up and shit. This did nothing less than send Steve Jobs into a Hulk-like rage.

Kotaku:

As soon as we announced we bought Bungie, Steve Jobs called,” former Microsoft VP of game publishing Ed Fries tells Develop.

“He was mad at [Microsoft CEO Steve] Ballmer and phoned him up and was angry because we’d just bought the premier Mac game developer and made them an Xbox developer.”

He was so mad, in fact, that he needed to be called and talked back from the outskirts of cranky town.

Pretty fucking interesting, to say the least. What would have happened if Apple hadn’t been too late in snagging Bungie? Would all of us douchebag Master Chief boner-worshippers never have come aboard the Halo train? Or would all of the Xbots of the world simply been Mac dickheads? I shudder at the thought, since god knows there’s a lot of them already.

Steve Ballmer is lucky that Jobs didn’t take that motherfucker out. This is the same Steve Jobs that commands the Hand, and was stopped in an airport because he was trying to smuggle ninja stars onto his own private jet. You don’t fuck with shit like that! Jobs will cut you. Cut you deep, and wear your head on his cock like fucking Patrick Bateman. I’ve seen it.

Intriguing stuff.

[Search Engine Terms come from an app in the Word Press dashboard. It tells you the terms that people are using in google to lead to your site. Most of ours are ultra depraved and horrible. And amusing to sick people like me.]

Yesterday, I posted about Rob Liefeld’s awesome take on a particular bible verse: Matthew 27:51-52. You know, Zombie Jesus and shit. Since then, said verse has been trending in the search terms that bring people here.

Oh Jesus.

Maybe the people are searching for it, because of Zombie Jesus, and coming here. But if they aren’t? I almost feel remorseful. Just a good God-fearing bible thumper wanting to brush up on some verse. Then they stumble across this Den of Debauchery. If we’re not enough to send a b-boy of Christ into a Eucharist binge, I don’t know what would be. I can picture then just smashing Christbody wafers between teeth, frantically rattling off Hail Marys.

I almost feel bad. Then I giggle.

[Source: Big Bad Toy Store via Super Punch]

This set includes a 23.5 cm long Mav Police Spinner Miracle Action Vehicle as well as the “Blade Runner – The Final Cut + Work Print” on Blu-Ray. Note that this Blu-Ray disc is NOT region-specific, and can be played anywhere in the world.

Super awesome. Super excessive.

Oh shit! Fresh off of Catwoman speculation comes a significant reveal. In an interview published minutes ago, Nolan dropped the title of the third Batman flick: The Dark Knight Rises. Not only that, but dudebro shoots down the potential for the Riddler, writing him off as appearing.

Slashfilm:

The news comes from Geoff Boucher over at Hero Complex, who was able to score a coveted interview with the secretive director. “It won’t be the Riddler,” Nolan said of the third film’s villain, squashing earlier rumors and speculation to the contrary. He also noted, “We’ll use many of the same characters as we have all along, and we’ll be introducing some new ones,” a fairly self-evident   yet cryptic statement.

Evidently, Boucher and Nolan also chatted about convincing Warner Brothers to go with IMAX instead of 3D for the film, which I find incredibly encouraging. Boucher says that information will be made available later today. We’ll update you guys when we hear about it.

Thoughts? Hit the comments box with your take on it. Me? I dig it. Simple enough, penciling out the (obvious) arc that has Wayne finally rising above the turmoil of the second flick. They call that a well-traced trajectory in a trilogy. I mean, if you weren’t expecting him to triumph in the final installment of a three-part saga, you probably haven’t been paying attention to narrative in the last three-zillion years.

Oh shit! Apparently Christopher Nolan has been quietly interviewing women, searching for someone to play a female lead in the upcoming Batman 3: The Darkest Knight or whatever. Intriguing, to say the lead. What exactly is Christopher after? Nolan is looking for an actress in her late twenties or early thirties to helm this big role, and I think we can all agree on one thing: motherfuckin’ Catwoman is about to strut it up on the big screen.

Right? No? Right? Maybe?

Let me crack a controversial comment (maybe) all over your dumb faces; I would much rather see Talia al Ghu in this flick than a latex-bound vixen strutting around as Selina Kyle. And that’s saying something, since a lot of people know my utter fetish for latex, attractive powerful women, and uh, cats?

Perché, Ian!, perché!

The Bones and I have spent a good amount of time brainstorming the plot for Batman: Pretty Much A Dark Knight for Wayne since TDK dropped two years ago. And one of the things we kept coming back to is the idea that Talia rolls up into Gotham to avenge her Poppa Qui-Gon’s death at the hands of Wayne. It’s pure fanboy masturbatory wishing, but isn’t that what dork conversations are for? Hell to the yeah! Fuck yeah to the fucking speculation!

I should be clear that I am an unabashed Nolan fanboy, and if my time on Earth has taught me anything, it’s that the creators I place absolute faith in never, ever, let me down. Except for Lucas, Raimi, the Wachowskis, Peter Jackson post-LOTR, and a laundry list of other Fallen Heroes. I think it’s safe to say my brother and I have developed a complex over this.

But still.

Catwoman? Talia al Ghul? Whoever it is, I place my little, perpetually-innocent heart in Nolan’s hands.

Good god damn. I need me some Dragon Age II. Like, really bad. I’m almost done with the original. Would have been done, if not for something called the Mojave Wasteland. And I love the game, a lot. But everything I’ve seen regarding the sequel screams one thing: this game is like the original, but better in every fucking way. That, my friends, is a great thing. The most prominent improvement for me is the introduction of a Shepard-esque protagonist. I need my main character to do something as crazy as speak and have a serious role in the plot.

On top of better graphics, seemingly better direction, and everything else? My loins swell with glee. Hit the jump for the newest trailer, “Rise To Power.”

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