Gabe Newell wants to squish all those Valve and Apple meeting in the darkness of daylight rumors. He wants to press his titanic ass cheeks right up against those rumors and vaporize them with the death air that has been trapped in his buttocks for nearly a decade.
We have reached the crossroads of Valve and Apple gaming console rumors. At this intersection, the two separate entities slam together, fusing into the monolithic Apple-Valve-Fucking-Console. A console made for fucking your entertainment center and forcing you to buy a larger one. You know, should it prove true.
Valve is totally, they swear to Jehovah, not working on a console. They’re not. So just disregard these job listings.
Valve. They got themselves a bit of the fun as fuck Obi-Wan action going on. Marketing director Doug Lombardi has come down on the rampant rumoring that the company is preparing to unleash the Gabeatron Steam Box (my sources have confirmed this will be the name) soon.
Hey. Hey you. Internet person. You want to check out what may be the controller for Valve’s wunder-console? Which isn’t even itself confirmed yet?
Hit the jump.
So. Like the ancient proverb says, when it leaks info, it pours. Not only is Valve maybe-probably-definitely working on a console, but we may have our first look at it.
Here’s a bananas one. There’s mutterings picking up about a Valve console. Yeah, brah. Completionists like me are eyeballing another console they have to buy or the voices in their head will tell mother about the sticky furred stuffed animals behind the couch. Wait, what? Anyways, it may be real. But it won’t be like a console as generally thought.