HELL YEAH. OPTIMUS PRIME IS BACK, AND HE AIN’T TAKING YOUR SHIT. HE’S BEEN SHOTGUNNING RAW EGGS WITH MARKY MARK. GETTING SWOLE BEYOND BELIEF. CHECK OUT THIS FIRST LOOK AT HIM WITH HIS NEW BODY. RIPPED. PISSED. READ TO SNAPKICK ROBOTS INTO FUCKING OBLIVION.
Hit the jump to behold.
Fucking dummies. You cannot fell Michael Bay with an air conditioner. He has a posse of explosions to repel any sort of attack that may come his way. However, that didn’t stop a gang of people (as opposed to what, Caff? Geese?) from attempting extortion on the set of Transformers 4. What happened to those fucks? What do you think. They were summarily executed by Megan Fox and Optimus Prime.
(Or something like that, read on.)
I dog Mark Wahlberg, but I like the guy. Boogie Nights, I Heart Huckabees, Ted? All dope. That said, I can’t see the guy leading an action franchise. Though I suppose the leading stars of the Transformers franchise are whatever set of breasts Michael Bay is objectifying, and the CGI-houses powering the special effects. Hey-o!
I know what you’re thinking. Why the fuck am I covering Transformers 4. I don’t really know, either. There’s a perverse curiosity simmering in my sac when it comes to the beastly Bay fecaltainment franchise.
There’s good news for those of us without talent in the world. Michael Bay is our Hero, our Saviour, our Douche-in-Charge. Not only has he shit out three painful, vapid, racist, sexist, snorecore shit fest Transformer movies, but the Bovine of the World have spent enough money to land him in the chair for a fourth installment.